So Bad it's Horrible: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Some movies are considered so bad they're good. Others are not content to be there and steamroll forward into becoming So Bad They're Horrible. This is one of them.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (or TRF from here on out) is the sequel to Transformers, a movie I vaguely enjoyed. It had it's plusses but, over all, was just a dumb action flick but at least it was an enjoyable one. Not content to let me enjoy any of his films, Michael Bay looked long and hard for a way to ruin any positive memory I had of the first. He found: The Twins.

The Twins are those kinda characters that only exist in movie land. They're litteraly there just to make one liners and they're personality is: We make one-liners. Aren't we funny. No, no you're not.

What makes matters worse is that this seems to be the mistake the screenwriters makes repeatily. Shia Lebouf's character, Sam's parents, as played by Kevin Dunn and Julie White, exist to be comedic relief in a movie that never lets up on unnecesary jokes. At one point, Mom Judy eats a pot brownie. I do not see how this was neccesary. It's not even that funny. It felt like the screenwriter had these two scripts he was working on, one got canceled, so to make up for lost time, he just taped them together and called it done. Then we have the groaners.

I'll cut to the chase: A robot who is made up of different cunsturtion themed robots called Devestator has testicles. Why? Why would a robot which has no reason to have these parts have these parts? The worst part is that it happens at a point where I was starting to get interested in the movie. It had tension then two large wrecking balls hanging from the robotrs crotch. That earned a face palm. That's not to say this is all the fault of the three men who wrote the script. No, I'd say a lot of the fault lies elsewhere.

Michael Bay is trully a god among men: The God of Bad Movies. False sentimentality just reigns here and a dramatic score is a substitute for a genuinely touching moment. Then, there's the fact that the movie has earned it's title as explosion porn. Need tension? Blow something up! Property damage is on the menu and there's only one cure: BOOM!!! Why do we keep giving the man money? I don't think I can justify it ever again, not after that.

So, please, if you feel the need to see TRF, just go and see UP again. Go see Star Trek. Hell, go and rent Star Wars Episode 1. I think I would rather sit through Jar Jar then see the twins ever again.

Number of Face Palms: 5.
Actual Running Time:147 minutes
Experienced Runing Time: 4 Hours
Number of Drinks Needed to Forget: 6

EDITED because I somehow got Jerry Burckheimer mixed up with Michael Bay. D'Oh. Sorry.

Taking 20: Anger Problems

So, I got bored the other day and read some archives of my old newsletter, The Semi-Daily Rant of the Day and I realized something: I used to have an anger problem. I mean, really had one. I know I had some issues but I didn't think it was that bad. For that matter, I read some of my old blog on Livejournal and I think I only got worse. I think I'm a better person now than I used to be but I never know. I like to think that if I was getting bad with my emotions that someone would tell me. I guess it all comes down to one thing: who I am.

I've put up with a lot of stuff in my years. I know my breakdowns in high school were mainly due to never quite being able to be who I was. I could be but not very openly and I did some stuff that I regret now to forget about my worries. It also didn't help that I had to live under the roof of a man that is one of the few human beings that I truly hate in this universe and I couldn't say anything because I wanted my mom to be happy. Quite frankly, when I said and told people I couldn't wait for college, I meant it. I mean, I really meant it.

College has been not quite what I thought it would be. Everything went swell until my sophomore year. That's when the crap hit the fan. I got involved with someone that didn't really care that much about me back so I don't talk to him anymore. However, this caused problems in the long run because, I'll admit, I only recently got over him. It took me four years to get over one scumbag. Seriously. I also had some people stop talking to me because of small mistakes on my part that I didn't quite understand. I stopped trying to figure out that shit a long while ago. Finally, this is about the same time that I really first thought to myself, "Why?"

Yeah, "Why?" is an odd question. It's loaded and means little but to me, "Why?" meant that I was wondering why I was born, why I'm here, and why am I constantly fucking up my own life. However, I have come to realize that "Why?" is not a valid question. Being an English major told me that. Every question needs a basis, nothing is concrete in this world, and reality is subjective. My psyche is better. I can lean on the friends I have and occasionally let them lean on me.

Sure, I am by no means a better human being now than I was then. I am still about the same sarcastic, cynical, idiot I was 10 years ago when I started high school but at least I can look at myself and decide I'm worth it as a human being. I can do pretty well and, sure, I still am easily irritated and have developed something of a stutter when I get frustrated but it's all good. I have good feelings about the impending future and, hey, I might meet someone awesome who doesn't mind that I can get mad at times and will call me on my shit. That's the dream really.

Well, that's enough soul-bearing for now. Let's get back to covering crazy crap on YouTube next time.

What WIll Listened To: June 14th-June 20th

Figured for the two people who read this, here is what Will has been listening to this week.

What I've Bought: No physical albums this week. From iTunes, I bought "Build Me Up Buttercup" as performed by The Goops (something about the song appeals to my inner punk rocker and my lover of cheery music.) and The Theme From Star Trek Voyager (Yeah, I like Voyager. It happens.).

Podcasts I've Listened to: I encourage everyone to listen to Mike and Niki make a Podcast over at Earth-2.net. A link to the podcast can be found here for episode 1 and episode 2. Before clicking, do note that those are direct links to the mp3 files themselves so only click if you feel like doing the download. It will be worth it. It's a podcast about pop culture. Episode 1 is all about the writing of Kevin Smith and episode 2 is about music in the last 20 years. In both, Will gets to blush at some point since I actually named the podcast and gave the podcasters a pretty good idea. Regardless, go and take a listen.

Will's Top 11 Most Played Songs from my iPod for this week (with links to the songs on iTunes.) Why 11? Have you seen This Is Spinal Tap?:
1. "I Don't Care" performed by Apocalyptica, World's Collide (I think all music can be bettered by the cello.)
2. "A Dazzling End" composed by Murray Gold, Doctor Who Series 4 Soundtrack (Hope. That's what the music envokes here.)
3. "The Rueful Fate of Donna Noble" composed by Murray Gold, Doctor Who Series 4 Soundtrack (The sense of loss coming from this song and it's connection to my favorite Doctor Who character are something awesome.)
4. "All The Strange, Strange Creatures" composed by Murray Gold, Doctor Who Series 3 Soundtrack (Music to save the world by.)
5. "Zydrate Anatomy" performed by Terrance Zdunich as The Gravedigger, Repo: The Genetic Opera (Mark my words, in twenty years time, people are going to be going to this movie like they go to Rocky Horror.)
6. "All Along the Watchtower" performed by Bear McCreary, Battlestar Galactica Season 3 Soundtrack (I love the Dylan version but there's something about the Indian vibe and the sitar they make me love this version.)
7. "This is Gallifrey: Our Childhood, Our Home" composed by Murray Gold, Doctor Who Series 3 Soundtrack (Nostalgia.)
8. "Welcome to the Black Parade" performed by My Chemical Romance, The Black Parade (I dunno what it is about this song but I find it oddly epic.)
9. "Any Other Name" composed by Thomas Newman, American Beauty Original Motion Picture Score (More of that saddness but also something else I can't put my thumb on.)
10. "Let's Go To The Mall" performed by Cobie Smulders as Robin Sparkles, Let's Sparkle (A great tribute to the care-free songs of the eighties.)
11. "Don't Let it Bring You Down" performed by Annie Lennox, Medusa (Annie Lennox is one of those singers that I think deserves to be lofted high into the skies of awesome.)

Unsung Treasures: Der Fuehrer's Face

It's Donald Duck's 25th birthday and what way to celebrate it but with one of the more... interesting... chapters in Donald's lifespan:

Der Fuehrer's Face

Also known as the Nazi Donald Duck cartoon, we have a great example of the WW2 propaganda film. A great cartoon, it also has a number of things I'll mention after the clip.



So, what we have here is a disturbing story of Donald being a member of the Nazi war machine and his eventual insanity. The story ends with it all being a dream but this is probably the most effective of all the propaganda cartoons. It's one thing to have Superman getting to "slap a jap." It's another for Donald Duck, a childhood image, living in a potential world of misery. Parts of it are funny but it also has a message. Bugs Bunny may fight Himler but Donald Duck suffered. May Donald's next 75 years go just as good.

Movies Will is Anticipating: Coraline

One of my favorite authors is Neil Gaiman, the writer the of the comic book series The Sandman in addition to American Gods and Neverwhere. Coraline is based off of a Children's book of the same name. The basic premise is that Coraline is a bored girl who's family just moved into a strange house and she finds a door that leads to another world where versions of her family and neighbors live. Really, here's the trailer. Did I mention it's stop motion animation?

So, what did you all think? I know, I am kind of psyched. It looks creepy and so much like The Nightmare Before Christmas which is very much the hallmark that all stop-motion is held up to. I would have to say that it will probably be the first movie I race to see of this new year. Hopefully other people will as well. It could appeal to adults as well as kids. If not, then hopefully it follows Nightmare's lead and can gain a cult following and steadly become big on the secondary video market.

Unsung Treasures: Orson's Farm

YouTube is a very useful tool for fandom. If you need to find anything, with a bit of a look, you can find it. In addition to videos of dogs just yelping, your childhood can be reclaimed, even if you don't know that it is there to find. Today, let's look at the show Orson's Farm aka U.S. Acres. The show was actually a segment on the series Garfield and Friends. When I was younger it was the time I would go and get some toast. Now that I'm younger, I realize that it was a bit more mature than I remember. We had arguments on existentalism, censorship, politics, and enviromentalism ("The sky is falling!" "I knew it! ALL this tampering with the O-Zone layer!")

This particular episode is known as Déjà Vu and it pretty much sums up what I was just saying.

Yeah, we got existentalism and doubts about the very substance of reality as seen in the antics of a cartoon pig and his pals. Add in a bit of thought on the Aristotilian Unities and we got a winner.

Our other example, Kiddie Korner, is all about censorship. It also starts out with a scene of the cast re-enacting Doctor Zhivago. Yeah, it kind of rocks like that.

Crazy Crap From Japan

I cannot say enough that most of the weird crap from Japan that I've seen on YouTube is proof positive that radiation sickness can lead to insanity. Now, if you grew up in the early 90's, you were, no doubt, exposed to Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. As we all know, it was actually largely taken off of a Japanese show. The name of the show was Kyoryu Sentai Zyuranger and today we have a clip from said program which features the villains going into a song and dance number. Yeah, this still looks better than Spongebob.



The main villain of the season, The Witch Bandora (aka Rita Repulsa to the the fans of MMPR) had a theme song which she decides to sing. If that's not enough, about 0 episodes later, she decides to sing the song again with a A Chorus Line inspired dance at then end. This is also all done while bringing her palace, which is ontop of a Skycraper for some odd reason, into the middle of downtown Tokyo. Take a Look:

Thanksgiving Experiment Conclusion

I made it as far as I could. I really can't go any longer. Oh well. Sorry

Thanksgiving Experiment Hours 13 and 14

Viewing Thoughts: So, half way point and working on making dinner so this will be slightly lacking. Let's focus on food.
Top Chef: A Thanksgiving episode. I know, something themed for the holiday. I'm just as surprised. The Quickfire Challenge is to make a soup after being told they were going to be working on a completely different recipe. Whatever. The point is the Elimination Challenge is making Thanksgiving Dinner for the Foo Fighters. I don't care for them but whatever. The two European Chefs get all pompous about claiming an American tradition. Fuck them. Insert anti-European Comment #13 here. Anyway, they also have nothing but Microwaves and a couple of burners to make stuff and it's all outside. I would be cursing up a storm about this point. Oh well. The food all looks better than what I'm making. Then it starts raining. Things get interesting and someone I like goes home. Figures.
Food Network Thanksgiving Leftovers: Basically, a lot of Food Network Hosts go into stuff to do with your leftovers. I might remember some of this since I know I will have left overs. I dunno, I don't have much to say.

Noted Commercials: So many Black Friday ads. Is it bad that I am doing a comic book Christmas Sale tomorrow instead of all these? I mean, there's a freaking DS package on sale.

Early Christmas Ideas: I always forget the Extra Virgin Olvie Oil is so usable in everything. I might have to get another bottle sometime. Just have nomral Olive Oil at the apartment.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: Ooooh, hitting that dizzy area of the sleep deprivation. So not good. I need to move onto the energy drink unless it's toxic shock from the soda. Who knows? I knew Diet Soda would be the end of me.

The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 9
Energy Drinks Left: 3
Cups of Coffee Drank:0
Pie Consumed: 2 Slices
Sanity Rating( 1 being sane, 10 being Thanksgiving without Turkey): 7

The Thanksgiving Experiment hours 10-12

Viewing Thoughts: Matt Laurer and Meredith Viera are talking. I just want to know what crazy thing Willard Scott is going to do today. We get started off with Cheerleaders with like the weirdest remix of dance music ever. Like 50 dance songs playing at the same time and fighting it out for dominance. It's a nice warm up for the crappy musical section of the parade.

The first part of the musical section is the title song from "In the Heights." I mainly know this show because it's on the front cover of the Stage Tech book at work. It kind of sounds like musical theater. There's nothing wrong with that, it just isn't that remarkable to me. Sorry, the Broadway section just isn't that remarkable so I can't really say that much of anything to tell you the truth. Well, there is "South Pacific." Seriously, am I bad for hating Rodgers and Hamersteins? It's annoying to me.

So the further we go intp everything, the more certain I am that we are not going to see Willard Scott. Damnit! I need some insanity. So far, marching bands, a reminder of the dog show, and I did notice a few baloons that aren't quite inflated and...

Now we see one of two people who might make this parade worth it: Yeah, it's Miley! I really don't care, I just wanted to use that video. Sorry, back to the point.

So, some of the baloons this year are really lacking. The Smurfs is like one of the only real new balloons. It's also bad that I'm getting a second dose of Dora the Explorer. Then again, I kind of liked the Harijuku Girls float. It was cute and vaguely relevant. I love hearing the hosts talking about the Pikachu balloon. They are so obviously reading off of cards.

The thing I always find annoying also are the singers. They ride on floats that sometime have nothing to do with them. They then proceed to sing something and stop the parade so everyone can look at them. Most of the time they aren't even singing. Lip Synching. It's something else, espcially when they don't seem to novice everyone else still noticed. Miley (It's Miley) at least had a reason to be on the float she was on. She did a voice for a movie her's was promoting. I aloow that in one case farther down the list. Some chick from some crappy show was on a Build-A-Bear float and she's not even doing a good job of pretending she's singing.

So, half the muppets on the Sesame Street float, I don't even recognize. Most of the humans were the same but really old. It's nice to know they're still getting work. You can really tell originals from newer ones. I do find one thing disturning: No Grover. I loved Grover. The fact that Grover is so easily forgotten for a freaking Fairy muppet is just infuriating.

Now for the thing that makes the whole thing worth it: the Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends float got Rick-Rolled! They're sing some song on the float and then... "Never Going to Give you up!" OMG!!! That so rocked. That made watching this entire thing so freaking worth it. Sure, some people didn't get the joke but then Cheese said, "I love Rick-Rolling." Forgive the quality of the video. It was the best I could find:

So, it was worth, even if there was no Willard Scott.

Noted Commercials:So, there's a Macy's ad about there being a Santa Claus and Donald Trump and Martha Stewart are talking in it. Umm, if I had to pick out two people who don't smack of greed, It would definitely not be those two. So very eww. I could see Donald Trump sending kids Donald Trump dolls who just say mean things.

Early Christmas Ideas: Bravo has a Top Chef shirt on their website that says "I Have a Culinary Boner" I would so wear that everyplace.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: Rickrolling is awesome. The sheer fact that an internet meme has seeped that far into the public conciousness just screams pure rocknitude! It is true that geeks are intended to inherit the Earth.

The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 9
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee Drank:0
Pie Consumed: 2 Slices
Sanity Rating( 1 being sane, 10 being Willard Scott): 6

Thanksgiving Experiment Hour 8+9

Viewing Thoughts: Two hours of QVC. I am definitely going out of it. Since thye just have too much to talk about, let's just touch on the stuff that seems remarkable or remarkably stupid. First item is the Adjustable Dreamer Light Show Projector. It's a mini-Half-Disco Ball that projects lights on the wall. A woman with an 11-year old grand daughter is getting it. She thinks she'll be in awe of it. Yeah, she'll be thinking, "Why does grandma hate me? Maybe she needs to go to the home sooner than mommy wanted to send her!" Next up is a slinky. It's a slinky with a lishgt up mechanism in it. I have no real comment for that. The hosts on the other hand seems obsessed with making you think that this will be the next best thing. Doubtful. So, the focus of the show right now is toys. They decided to cut into it though with a faux fur coat. This guy with white hair is just trying to make you buy it. I bet he has hypnotic powers. If you don't buy it, I bet he'll kell some animals and start sneaking it into the coats. Oh yes, he will. He has the look. He also seems to be very eager to help the women put on the coats. Perverts are funny! The sad thing is people are up this morning, buying these jackets. Dear god they're crazy!

So, there's this baby doll on here that look kind of creepy. They're like the creepy kids in Polar Express. I'm looking at them and I see that gleam of world domination behind their cold dead eyes. Oh, they don't fool Will. The lady on the line is going on and on about how her granddaughter will love it because it'll be like having a real baby. Yeah, granddaughter will probably get preggers first chance she gets thanks to this. They still aren't quite as evil as this: That laugh will haunt your dreams for the rest of your life! HA!!!

Noted Commercials: It's home shopping. It's all commercials. Yeah, it's kinda like that.

Early Christmas Ideas: I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. Not really but Cheese that's a terrible song.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: I wish I had some hot cocoa.

The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 10
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee Drank:0
Pie Consumed: 1 Slice
Sanity Rating( 1 being sane, 10 being someone who thinks they're getting a good deal on QVC): 6

The Thanksgiving Experiment Hour 6+7

Viewing Thoughts: Time for me to go a little mental.
TMZ: So, I'm watching TMZ. TMZ is like ET or Access Hollywood only with no morals and for people with the attention spans of a epileptic with Tourette's and ADHD. Basically, they say stuff and annoy celebrities for the heck of it. I mean, I have no problem with this normally but at the same time, they're a bunch of dumbasses because everyone of the so called reporters seems to delight in mocking people. I really can't find anything redeemable about this at all. Do these people act like this at hime? Some people only wish they could be this morally reprehensable. I would like to track these people down, take pictures of them, and just mock them to their faces. Maybe that's what I'll do for Charity. That and horribly main them. I mean, I don't care for Twilight but when you yell at the stars for all being gay, that's beyond stupid. Damn I sound like a good person. This all makes me sicker than TMZ has made me.
Full House: Yeah, this isn't going to be much better. It's a later season episode because there are those evil twins. I always convinced that Aunt Becky and Uncle Jesse's twins would someday become pure evil lords of the damned. Anyway, this episode, Unlce Jesse made some device to keep hair spray out of people's faces which leads Joey and Danny Tanner to decide to market the device out. Meanwhile, DJ's boyfriend is cheating on him or soemthing. Who the hell knows? Anyway around, everything gets wrapped up and everyone is happy at the end/ Just once, I'd like to see someone on this show get real lasting mental scarring.
Dora the Explorer: Yes, Dora the little CokeMule. In this episode, Dora lost her teddy bear. The map knows where her teddy bear is so that makes me suspicous. I suspect the map for stealing it so he could be useful. Yes, I do see conspiracies in everything. So sue me.

Early Christmas Ideas: A gas powered toothburch.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: Is it bad when I think I'm a better person than someone else? Yeah, I thought so.

The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 11
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee Drank:0
Pie Consumed: 1 Slice
Sanity Rating( 1 being sane, 10 being someone who actually thinks Dora is talking to them): 5