Turns out our "protagonist" was a cheerleader and loved some football player. She returns to the family homestead where... she was invited to her Christmas High School Reunion? I still don't have this chick's name. She doesn't want to go despite having been a popular. All of this is due to a lack of success. According to a jacket hanging in her room, she might have also been Mary Marvel.
As Mary Marvel wanders around her room, she gets ambushed by old High School friends. In her own house. Oh wait, her name is Georgia. I'm still calling her Mary Marvel. Mary, not having seen a movie with the same plot called "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion" decides to start lying. I'm trying to care about any of the old high school friends.
Later, at the Christmas Tree Lot, Mary Marvel runs into her former Best Friend Ben. I want to call his Shazam. Former Best Friend Ben is obviously gay. Costume Designers like to express this via V-Neck. Mary Marvel sees her old ex and has a fantasy sequence that gets interrupted by Shazam telling her to stop doing this to herself. She runs off. Later, at her place, she runs into her dad. He sucks, belittling that she's still an assistant. Daddy is a dick.
Later, at the Reunion, apparently there's some kind of Secret Santa thing going on. Some guy starts throwing around a football. Cue The Ex. Quicker than you can say Marcia Brady, a football hits the punchbowl, splashing Mary Marvel. She runs to the bathroom where Shazam is, comforting her and also wanting to TP the principal's office.
Back at the party, Harry Hamlin as a teacher gives an inspirational speech. It sucks. One of the friends wants to have sex with him which is eww. Shazam and Mary Marvel hang out after tping the office. I also think that Shazam might be straight which is boring. Harry Hamlin walks in while they hide under a desk.
The Marvels walk when some crazy lady walks out. I think she's dating Shazam. Not sure. Anyway, Mary Marvel goes to talk to the Ex. I was actually thinking he was dating Shazam. The friend with a crush on teacher starts orgasming from Harry Hamlin saying random science words. I have no clue what I'm watching any longer.
Remember what I've said about Song and Dance number all day? Well, here's one set to Christmas stuff. It's a train wreck because Mary Marvel skipped practice. Later, Shazam plays guitar. Mary meets up, they reminisce. Yeah, he's straight. I think I'm over caring about this thing.
Summing up the rest real quick. Horrible chicks gossip. The Ex is still an ass. Mary Marvel remains most oblivious to Shazam being attracted to her. It all gets rather boring.There were better bad lifetime movie but I went this one because...
White Girl Rapping! I dunno. So not worth it.The rest of the movie just gets more predictable. Mary Marvel and Shazam end up together. Everyone saw that coming. Oh, and one chick has sex with Harry Hamlin. I really hope she hasn't seen Veronica Mars. I want her ultimate fate to be a surprise.
I think this is the only thing I have regretted watching in the history of the Experiment and that includes Jeffy.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Made dinner. It was the same thing as every other year. No surprises.
Late Christmas Ideas: The last two hours of my life back.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 5
Amps left: 2
Coffee Drank: 1 Bottle
Pumpkin Pie Left: 2/3rds Left
Sanity Rating: (1 being a theme party, 10 being having a theme party and lumping it into Christmas also for NO REASON AT ALL): 7
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