Sunday, December 25, 2016

The Christmas Experiment 2016 Hours 25+26: The Mistle-tones

Because I need another horrible made for TV movie in my life.

The Mistle-Tones: You know, ABC Family or Freeform, or whatever it's calling itself always puts out interesting specials. This one centers around Tia Mowery who wants to audition for The Snow Belles which is the Christmas Caroling group her mother founded. Too bad it's currently fronted by Tori Spelling as this movies's alpha bitch. I'm not joking. There are multiple close-ups on her seething.

Tia gets rejected from the Group because Tori Spelling is... wait for it.... an evil bitch! Tia also works for an evil corporation of evil that hates Christmas.

There is some bright sides for Tia Mowery. One) She has a sister in the movie who is not played by her real-life sister. She's that rare twin that has transcended twindom. Her dad is played by Reginald VelJohnson aka Carl Winslow, and she talks the mal manager into having auditions for who gets to perform at the big mall show. Yeah. This is all over who gets to perform at a mall. How about Robin Sparkles instead?

So, Tia starts forming a group while Tori Spelling curses out a mall santa and threatens to kill him. Her group is formed from her work place which has to be inappropriate but she recruits someone from HR so it balances out I guess?

After a rehearsal montage, Tia thinks something is off. After nearly killing a pedestrian, her car gets stuck in a snow drift. As luck would have it, she ends up at a kareoke bar where her boss  at Evil Corp is known as the King of Karaoke. He also table dances with some random chicks. Upon seeing Tia, he goes crazy about it. She blackmails him into joining her singing group. Yeah, this never ends well.

I just realized that all Christmas Movie protagonists are at least a bit sociopathic. Think about it. Name one who isn't. I can wait.

Anyway, Boss helps get the group into shape. Her and her boss are totally flirting. Okay, yeah, she should really be happy that HR owes them. Tia gets ambushed by Tori Spelling who offers her membership in the Snow Belles.

Tia entertains the idea of doing the Renegade action. Then he boss shows up with Kareoke so she goes Paragon. They then make out in the copy room. Yep, someone is really lucky that they have HR on their side. And making jokes about employee management fraternization. You know, this might be the most unethical place in all of Christmas Movie-dom.

However, The Boss is offered a job at the Southeast Asia offices of Evil Corp. Oh no! Well, I guess there's only one route to take: Use your new executive power to buy the mall and ship it to Southeast Asia.

So, our finale is pretty much the finale of Pitch Perfect with random singing groups showing off. The Mistle-tones love because The Boss doesn't show up.

Tia goes to wish Merry Christmas to Tori Spelling who doesn't know how to take someone wishing her happiness. She starts to have a core meltdown as a result. Meanwhile in the parking lot of the Karaoke Bar, The Boss has a band set up to sing. People show up, Tori Spelling freaks out because, remember where I said she was a total bitch? Yeah, she doesn't get any better.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: I hate and love that acapella has become big.

Late Christmas Ideas: A copy of Pitch Perfect would be awesome. It's a good movie and almost definitely inspired this... thing.

Notable Commercials: Insurance commercials are also weird. Progressive has a singing pile of papers as well as Flo. Geico is getting weirder with a parade of spokes creatures.


Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 6 Cans
Coca-Colas Left: 2 Cans
Kickstarts Left: 0 Cans
Coffee Left: 1 Bottle
Pumpkin Pie Left: 3/4ths
Sanity Rating: (1 being Decking the Halls, 10 being Decking The Mailman):

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