The Will Save

Sunday, December 25, 2016

The Christmas Experiement 2016 Hours 31+32: Some Holiday Specials

Okay, maybe watching specials from my child hood will make me a little less emotional.

Mickey's Christmas Carol: Uncle Scrooge is probably one of my favorite Disney Characters. Thus, I love this special a lot. It keeps the story very simple but it works with what it has very well.

What I love here is how much it has going on while still working. The music is great, the animation is lovely, and the voice-acting is impeccable. I remember watching this growing up and there would be a promo on the next big Disney movie along with a couple of classic Disney Cartoons.

But I think my Main Reason to watch this one this year is Alan Young, the voice actor for Uncle Scrooge, passed away recently. David Tennant will be taking over the role in the upcoming Duck Tales animated series but I'm still saddened by all this. It makes The Ghost of Christmas Future extra macabre.

The Year Without a Santa Claus: Mrs. Claus is potentially one of the most interesting characters in the Santa Lore. So little is done with her so she practically a blank canvas. That's part of why I love The Year Without a Santa Claus: Mrs. Claus gets to shine!

That all said, The Miser brothers are the ones who really star here. When you come to watch this special, they're the ones. The music is fun and their personalities are bombastic. This is actually one of the more musical specials for that matter. Tons of music that I like so woo there.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: "Marshmallow World" might be the Christmas Song I most enjoy that you never hear.

Late Christmas Ideas: Then again, New Egg Gift cards would also work more than a little okay for me.

Notable Commercials:John Lithgow is really pushing Progresso soup these days. I mean, it makes it look really good. I'm normally a Campbell's guy and prefer Progresso for brother and stock but this is still pretty decent looking.

Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 6 Cans
Coca-Colas Left: 2 Cans
Kickstarts Left: 0 Cans
Coffee Left: 1 Bottle
Pumpkin Pie Left: 1/2
Sanity Rating: (1 being A Year Without a Santa Claus, 10 being The Leprechauns' Christmas Gold): 6

The Christmas Experiement 2016 Hours 29+30: Not Even Remotely My Demographic

Okay, guess it's that time where I watch stuff that I have no business to know diddly about.

Austin and Ally: I think this is about two kid's who help other kids learn music or something? Not sure. One of the kids doesn't like Christmas. I can't wait to find out that she has a terrible homelife. So, as it turns out, her fahter is away on business. A kid working as an elf promises the girl Santa will bring her father home. Everyone on this is an idiot. Then again, that's part for course for most of this.

Awkward thing: The male lead is playing Jerffery Dahmer in an upcoming movie. I can't wait for parents to explain why they can't see his new movie.

Sofia The First: Okay, Disney has a ton of money to get the voice cast they do. This episode alone has Alyson Hannigan, Phyliccia Rashad, Nick Olferman, Tim Gunn along. So, the entire plot of this episode is Princess Sofia is going into the woods to get Ice Lilies when she runs into a faun who was cursed with Ice Touch after seeing Frozen. I'm not joking. She asks a witch to give her an Ice Touch after heading about a princess who can freeze whatever.

Anyway, they pick flowers, Claire Huxtable doesn't want them, and Tiana from The Princess and the Frog appears to give advice on inner gifts. The Faun plays her pipes and it's enough for Claire Huxtable to grant a wish.

Girl Meets World: Mxed marriage families at Christmas. That's what this episode is about. It's a shame The Brady Bunch never did an episode about that. Instead, we had Carol Brady losing her voice.

And I just made myself sad.

Also, secret Santas are the other part of this and no one knows each other until they explain their gifts and then everyone likes their gifts. Seriously, there are a lot of shows on Disney Channel that sucks but this is the one that works. We have characters that feel natural, people learn, characters don't exist to make their one gag, and it actually has something to say. If I had kids, we'd watch it together.

K.C. Undercover: I've heard about Zendaya for a year but had no clue who she was. I vaguely remember an episode of Shake It Up and it making me want to claw my eyes out. As is, she's passable. This series also has a little girl named Judy who's a robot. I think. She also might be Jewish by the end of the episode because she hears about Judaism because of the pronunciation.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: I never really thought about it before, it's mainly been an abstract thought I very rarely considered, but I would like to have kids some day. The big problem is that I can barely take care of myself so I wouldn't trust myself with any other living thing. Hell, I can't even remember the last relationship I've been in.

Late Christmas Ideas: The ability to better control my emotions.

Notable Commercials: How the heck is Descendants still a thing?!?

The Christmas Experiment 2016 Hours 27+28: Classic Sitcoms

Older sitcoms are easier to make fun of.

Bewitched: ...wait. Okay, in this one, a racist visits the Stevenson household. Daughter Tabitha is friends with an African American girl. She uses her magic to change her friend white then uses her magic to turn herself black.

So, this is an episode that involves black face. And White Face. Yeah. If this weren't a Christmas episode, I'd run. Instead the two girls end up with dots on their faces while the company Christmas Party ends up at the house. This includes incredible racism. Because the 70s.

Darren's boss, upon realizing racism, decides he wants nothing to do with the racist. So, Tabitha uses her magic to make everyone appear black to the racist. Which involves everyone in black face. EVERYONE! Yeah. Look, I know, very important lesson about racism but this is more black face than a minstrel show.

Anyway, the racist realizes that racism is bad. Okay, Bewitched, I'm not forgiving you for the black face but this at least gets the Christmas Spirit of goodwill for all man. We could use that.

Gilligan's Island: This is the Christmas episode with a large amount of the footage taken from the unaired pilot. It mainly centers on Gilligan making a Christmas wish that they would be rescued, it looking like they are going to, flashbacking to Gilligan wrecking the radio, and then not getting rescued in the present. Then Santa shows up and it turns out to be the real Santa but ehh. He doesn't save them.

Maude: Maude was Bea Arthur as Edith Bunker's liberal cousin. In this episode, Maude's employees want to unionize. She is all for it. Her husband isn't and wants to fire them all. We learn an important lesson about unionized labor being important in a civilized work place. It's okay.

Laverne and Shirley: Laverne and Shirley get talked into doing a performance for a psychiatric hospital. Most of it is making fun of the mentally ill which I really don't care for. Most of it is just an excuse for the actors to demonstarte being able to dance or sing or whatever.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: 70s sitcoms were alternatively very forward thinking, insane, and regressive as heck.

Late Christmas Ideas: I really should just post my Steam Wishlist here...

Notable Commercials: Apparently MeTV is getting the original McGuyver. Good for them. Still won't watch it.

Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 6 Cans
Coca-Colas Left: 2 Cans
Kickstarts Left: 0 Cans
Coffee Left: 1 Bottle
Pumpkin Pie Left: 3/4ths
Sanity Rating: (1 being a Variety Show, 10 being a Variety of Poisonous Jellyfish): 6

The Christmas Experiment 2016 Hours 25+26: The Mistle-tones

Because I need another horrible made for TV movie in my life.

The Mistle-Tones: You know, ABC Family or Freeform, or whatever it's calling itself always puts out interesting specials. This one centers around Tia Mowery who wants to audition for The Snow Belles which is the Christmas Caroling group her mother founded. Too bad it's currently fronted by Tori Spelling as this movies's alpha bitch. I'm not joking. There are multiple close-ups on her seething.

Tia gets rejected from the Group because Tori Spelling is... wait for it.... an evil bitch! Tia also works for an evil corporation of evil that hates Christmas.

There is some bright sides for Tia Mowery. One) She has a sister in the movie who is not played by her real-life sister. She's that rare twin that has transcended twindom. Her dad is played by Reginald VelJohnson aka Carl Winslow, and she talks the mal manager into having auditions for who gets to perform at the big mall show. Yeah. This is all over who gets to perform at a mall. How about Robin Sparkles instead?

So, Tia starts forming a group while Tori Spelling curses out a mall santa and threatens to kill him. Her group is formed from her work place which has to be inappropriate but she recruits someone from HR so it balances out I guess?

After a rehearsal montage, Tia thinks something is off. After nearly killing a pedestrian, her car gets stuck in a snow drift. As luck would have it, she ends up at a kareoke bar where her boss at Evil Corp is known as the King of Karaoke. He also table dances with some random chicks. Upon seeing Tia, he goes crazy about it. She blackmails him into joining her singing group. Yeah, this never ends well.

I just realized that all Christmas Movie protagonists are at least a bit sociopathic. Think about it. Name one who isn't. I can wait.

Anyway, Boss helps get the group into shape. Her and her boss are totally flirting. Okay, yeah, she should really be happy that HR owes them. Tia gets ambushed by Tori Spelling who offers her membership in the Snow Belles.

Tia entertains the idea of doing the Renegade action. Then he boss shows up with Kareoke so she goes Paragon. They then make out in the copy room. Yep, someone is really lucky that they have HR on their side. And making jokes about employee management fraternization. You know, this might be the most unethical place in all of Christmas Movie-dom.

However, The Boss is offered a job at the Southeast Asia offices of Evil Corp. Oh no! Well, I guess there's only one route to take: Use your new executive power to buy the mall and ship it to Southeast Asia.

So, our finale is pretty much the finale of Pitch Perfect with random singing groups showing off. The Mistle-tones love because The Boss doesn't show up.

Tia goes to wish Merry Christmas to Tori Spelling who doesn't know how to take someone wishing her happiness. She starts to have a core meltdown as a result. Meanwhile in the parking lot of the Karaoke Bar, The Boss has a band set up to sing. People show up, Tori Spelling freaks out because, remember where I said she was a total bitch? Yeah, she doesn't get any better.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: I hate and love that acapella has become big.

Late Christmas Ideas: A copy of Pitch Perfect would be awesome. It's a good movie and almost definitely inspired this... thing.

Notable Commercials: Insurance commercials are also weird. Progressive has a singing pile of papers as well as Flo. Geico is getting weirder with a parade of spokes creatures.

The Christmas Experiement 2016: Hours 23+24: Disney Parks Magical Christmas Celebration

It's that time of year again.

Disney Parks Magical Christmas Celebration: It really does feel like they have taken the emphasis off the Parade aspect. Just as well, they need ore room for Disney Channel Stars that Will can't be bothered to learn the name of.

Apparently they're also doing this as a sequel to a special earlier this season focusing on families visiting Disney at Thanksgiving. Because sure? That seems to be rather extensive for what used to be a two hour parade.

And there are a fair amount of performances. They aren't even trying to pretend that they're all happening on Christmas. I don't think I've seen a single parade float yet. Sure enough, once I do, it's Frozen. Because sure. Whatever.

Also filed firmly under whatever, Pandora. At Animal Kingdom. Because why the heck not? Seriously, what the heck? I get it, Avatar was big. In 2009. Nearly a decade ago. But I will believe that the sequel is happening when it's in theaters. If it bombs, it's going to live on for years as that big folly Disney engaged in.

I will give the special this: they are still good at using it as a promo. For example, they spent a good five minutes promoting the Beauty and the Beast live-action movie and I'm kind of excited for it still.

So, most of the family stuff during this, I can give or take, Then we get to a family where the oldest sister raised the other two. It's kinda sad and Lilo and Stitch is what kept them together. I teared up a bit. Ohana.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: This really has been the perfect time to make dinner because this has mostly become nbearable fluff.

Late Christmas Ideas: I say it every year: A trip to Disney would rock. It's not going to happen but a boy can dream.

Notable Commercials: I think I will always appreciate the Coca-Cola Santa. Just always something I look forward to seeing.

Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 6 Cans
Coca-Colas Left: 3 Cans
Kickstarts Left: 1 Can
Coffee Left: 1 Bottle
Pumpkin Pie Left: 3/4ths
Sanity Rating: (1 being Ham, 10 being pickled pig hoofs): 4

The Christmas Experiement 2016: Hours 21+22: What the Heck?

In which I slowly lose my mind.

Too Cute: Apparently there's a program on Animal Planet. That's just animals. Playing. With no commentary. This is somehow a Christmas edition. Not quite sure how outside of they appear to be animals fascinated with Christmasy things. I don't know how much of this I can take?

As it turns out, about an hour.

CBS Sunday Morning: Look, I need to kill time, okay and nothing is on! So, here we are. CBS Sunday Morning is mostly soft stories, nothing too critical. So, I guess good for when you just woke up on Sunday morning.

Have I mentioned that it's also hard to comment on news? I am really bad at picking things out but I'm mostly going to be using this time to get my ham ready I want to eat around noon so that means starting a bit earlier.

Also, apparently "All I Want For Christmas" is 20 years old. I feel old.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: Is making a 9 pound ham too much for one person? Probably but meh. Just means a ton of leftovers.

Late Christmas Ideas: I'm working on saving up for a new tower so random computer parts would rock hardcore.

Notable Commercials:I think the commercials are also telling me I need a new pair of glasses.

The Christmas Experiment 2016: Hours 19+20: A Christmas Story

A Christmas Story: Right. I'm talked about this movie a lot. Go read some of those articles.

I will say, the parents don't get the credit they deserve for this. I mean, sure, Ralphie gets the most but they deserve a bit also. Then again, look at the sequel. actually, don't. Never watch the sequel.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: Chinese at Christmas is still far from the worst meal that one can have.

Late Christmas Ideas: A fully cooked Turkey.

Notable Commercials: I love getting commercials to do my Christmas Shopping on Christmas day, the one day that no stores are open. At all.

Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 6 Cans
Coca-Colas Left: 3 Cans
Kickstarts Left: 1 Can
Coffee Left: 1 Bottle
Pumpkin Pie Left: 5/6ths
Sanity Rating: (1 being Mary Worth, 10 being Dick Tracy towards the end of the a plotline): 5

The Christmas Experiment 2016 Hours 17+18: A Very Geeky Christmas

Sure, geeky time.

Bob's Burgers: I'll be the first to say that I haven't watched a ton of this show. It's fun. This episode centers around the family getting a Christmas Tree at Christmas Eve. This turns into a repeat of the movie Duel. Sure, I can live with this considering the sheer amount of times that I've seen Groundhog Day get repeated, I'm cool with new and exciting homages. And it works. I might have to check out my Bob's Burgers.

Doctor Who: It's the first Holiday Special. It's... not great but it works for what it is. First off, you got a plot about aliens attacking Rose and Family, including a rapidly spinning Christmas Tree of Death. The other villains of the episode are barely threatening for that matter. The Doctor sits out for most of it which seems like a shame, especially when this is a New Doctor, his first major story.

I dunno. I mean, there were much worse Christmas Specials but this one just sticks out like a sore thumb because this is the only one that bucks the trend they all shared. The Doctor and a celebrity guest star engaging in some extra fantastical adventure. This one feels like just a longer episode and, since The Doctor is not yet established, it also has the awkward feeling of most regeneration stories thrown on it.

Still, I guess if you're going to introduce someone to Doctor Who, there are worse stories to use. It includes regeneration, it's something you can trick your parents into watching since it's Christmas. If they like what they see, awesome. Doctor Who is much more mainstream than it once was so they might enjoy it even.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: There is nothing more refreshing and clarifying than a hot shower.

Late Christmas Ideas: The time and energy to plan something to do with myself.

Notable Commercials: Adult Swim runs so really weird commercials. Just saying.

Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 6 Cans
Coca-Colas Left: 3 Cans
Kickstarts Left: 1 Can
Coffee Left: 1 Bottle
Pumpkin Pie Left: 5/6ths
Sanity Rating: (1 being traveling in a real time machine, 10 being expecting a hat labeled "Tim masheen" to work) : 6

The Christmas Experiment 2016 Hours 15+16: Daytime in the Nighttime

Talk Shows. Sadly, I couldn't record the fourth hour of the Today show but whatever.

Everyone glares at the useless ones.

The Chew: For those of you new, this is ABC's Food Talk Show. Two of the five hosts are unnecessary. Mario Batali is alright, nothing special. Michael Symon is a very beautiful man. Carla Hall is wonderful. Also, she got really grey. And excitable.

Also, Matthew McConaughey is on this episode. I remember when he was the guy who did a ton of terrible movies. When did he become one of our most respected actors? It's kind of crazy how that just happened one day.

He's here to promote Sing. Everytime I see that movie get promoted, I want to break my head. Yeah, no.It's been literally everywhere and it's starting to get annoying.

The Nate Berkus Show: Oprah had many disciples who all went on to get their own shows. Nate Berkus was one but his show died. Thankfully, OWN still shows some of them. Also, unlike Dr. Phil, Nate is tolerable.

Most of his show is focused on lifestyle. Nothing is embarrassing family secrets or Faux Psychology. So, there are crafts and decorating projects as well as food stuff. He seems like he would be at home on The Today Show or something.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: You know, it would be awesome if I could spell Matthews McConaughey's name without looking at it and being sure that I spelled it so wrong that it's not even funny.

Late Christmas Ideas: Look at Oprah's Favorite things. Pick anything. That'll do.

Notable Commercials: I guess they always have but perfume commercials are weird. Take for example the one Julia Roberts commercial were her touch turns things to diamond. It's... a thing.

Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 6 Cans
Coca-Colas Left: 3 Cans
Kickstarts Left: 1 Can
Coffee Left: 1 Bottle
Pumpkin Pie Left: 5/6ths
Sanity Rating: (1 being a cappuccino, 10 being a Big Gulp full of hot Heavy Cream and a coffee grounds): 6

The Christmas Experiment 2016: Hours 13+14: Random Holiday Crap

Okay, let's watch some random stuff.

A Musical Celebration of Christmas at Berea College: Mainly watching because it was on. It's music from a college campus in Kentucky. It happens. They're really pushing how great the school is. One of my besties went there so she can probably say better than me.

Happy Holidays America: This seems to be some kind of special designed to promote a few different movies/music/fill a time slot that would otherwise sit empty.

I'll be honest: I don't want to buy a single song featured in the special. I don't want to see a single movie promoted. I think I'll be good. Next thing!

Modern Family: This was back when the show was still good. In this one, everyone is going Christmas stuff at other times so they have to get everything ready for a quick Christmas. I guess the advantages of having a big, upper middle class family.

Look, this is why I try to avoid sitcoms. It's very hard to do commentary. It's funny enough, especially as everything goes wrong.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: I miss Max on Happy Endings. He was a gay character on a sitcom who wasn't a total stereotype. Oh well, at least Mitchell is a decent character on this show. Cam on the other hand...

Late Christmas Ideas: I should probably edit one into the last one. Oh well. Can't think of anything. New glasses?

Notable Commercials: I want to see LaLaLand but the commercials are really doing a bad job of selling it to me.

Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 6 Cans
Coca-Colas Left: 3 Cans
Kickstarts Left: 1 Can
Coffee Left: 2 Bottles
Pumpkin Pie Left: Whole Pie, still cooling
Sanity Rating: (1 being New Year's Eve with close friends, 10 being Christmas with an insane asylum) 5

Saturday, December 24, 2016

The Christmas Experiment Hours 11+12: Arthur Christmas

Right then, time to try another Christmas movie I've never seen, see if it's any good.

Arthur Christmas: This is one that I've been skipping. Not on purpose, it's just... look, Christmas is once a year and there are, at most a month to watch movies. Watching a Christmas movie in the off-season always seems like a weird idea. Naturally, things get missed.

The film centers the title of Santa being a generational thing, passed from Son to Son. What I enjoy about the film is that it is essentially tradition vs progress. Arthur wants to make Christmas great for every child. His father, the current Santa, and his brother, The Santa Next in Line, are more concerned with efficiency.

Arthur, who is in charge of the Letters department, ends up going with his gramps to get a present to a girl that had been missed.

Okay, look, I wish I could say that I cared about the movie at this point but some drama went on outside so had to deal with that and missed half the film.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: The nice thing about having the entire apartment to yourself? No one cares if you walk around in your underwear.

Late Christmas Ideas:

Notable Commercials: Patti LaBelle is a national treasure. She's also selling pies for Wal-Mart. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

The Christmas Experiment 2016 Hours 9+10: We Wish You a Wonder Woman Christmas

Time for some Wonder Woman. Yes, Wonder Woman. At Christmas.

Wonder Woman: You remember how we just had Cronenberg body horror? Well, we got more. We're watching the 70s Lynda Carter Wonder Woman which had a Christmas episode. It's kind of awesome.

In this episode, some scientists have been replaced with androids. One of them melt right in front of a group of people into a puddle of goo and robot pieces. It's creepy as all get out. It keeps on happening also. At one point, Wonder Woman chases a man running out of a room and when she lassos him, he melts also. This is the most body horror Christmas ever!

One of the things I loved about the 70s Wonder Woman series is that they had the bathing suit costume but she was still an important character. Oh sure, it had camp but no more than say The Bionic Woman or any other 70s action series.

Anyway, the villain this time is an evil Toy Maker, played by Frank Gorshin, who is planning.... something. Not quite sure but it works. He even makes a Wonder Woman android. I... I'm really not looking forwards to her melting.

Anyway, Wonder Woman gets kidnapped. When she escapes, we get Robot Wonder Woman vs Real Wonder Woman. Naturally, there's no way to tell the difference unless you know how this always works. The heroes win, it's all good.

The OC: You might wonder what any of this has to do with Wonder Woman? Well, this episode, "The Greatest Chrismukah Ever" has the character of Summer dress up as Wonder Woman. I'd post a picture but nah. The OC was that series that started just as I went into College so I don't have as much knowledge of it. Outside of Julie Cooper being awesome. Because she is.

The crux has to do with Adam Brody's character celebrating a mega-holiday because one parent is Jewish, the other is Christian. There's some other drama that I can barely be bothered to care about. It's teenage drama that meh.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: I really want some Chicken parm. Like, good Chicken Parm that's crispy around the edges, nicely breaded. Need to stop. Getting hungry.

Late Christmas Ideas: The ability to better appreciate being single and alone at Christmas.

Notable Commercials: I saw a commercial for something called V.I.Poo which is apparently just stuff to make your bathroom smell better after... well... someone poos. They suggest giving it to everyone you know for Christmas. Yeah, how about no?

Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 6 Cans
Coca-Colas Left: 3 Cans
Kickstarts Left: 2 Cans
Coffee Left: 2 Bottles
Pumpkin Pie Left: Whole Pie, out of the oven, cooling.
Sanity Rating: (1 being The Wicked Witch of the West melting, 10 being the whole of Videodrome) : 4