The Top 100 Movie List (A Very Biased List): 97-95

97. Heathers (1989)
Directed by Michael Lehmann
Written by Daniel Waters
Starring Winona Ryder, Christian Slater, Shannen Doherty

A fantastic black comedy about high school love, life, and suicide. It feels like a John Hughes movie if it was directed by Tim Burton and there are plenty of moments where you feel guilty for laughing but at the same time, why bother. The basic premises is Ryder's character is a part of the most popular clique is school, the Heathers, named so because with the exception of Ryder's character, they're all named Heather. Winona accidentally kills one of them and she and her boyfriend make it look like suicide. This sets off a chain of events leading to other deaths and one of my favorite lines in a movie ever, "I love my dead gay son!"

96. The Children's Hour
Directed by William Wyler
Written by John Michael Hayes from the play by Lillian Hellman
Starring Audrey Hepburn, Shirley Maclaine and James Garner
Oscar Nominations: 5

For me, this is one of those movies I can watch when I want to feel something. It's incredibly emotional and demonstrates something of Hollywood's "morality" before the 70's. The movie is about two college friends who start a private school. A bratty girl gets angry with them and starts a rumor that the two are involved in a relationship with each other. The rest of the film is the deterioration of their lives because of a single lie. The ending really hits you and embodied the trope of Bury your Gays.

95. Repo: The Genetic Opera (2008)
Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman
Written by Darren Smith and Terrance Zdunich
Starring: Anthony Stewart Head, Alexa Vega, and Paul Sorvino

What we have here is if Saw and Moulin Rouge had a baby and it didn't suck. A post-apocalyptic rock opera about organ failure, some of the moments are very iffy at best but it's made up for by the performances by it's leads and their voices. This is another hard to describe plots because there are about four plot threads running through but oh well. Look it up on wiki.

Next time: "I'm your biggest fan." "Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself." "Don't dream it, be it!"

The Top 100 Movie List (A Very Biased List): 10-98

100. Election (1999)
Directed by Alexander Payne
Written by Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor
Starring Matthew Broderick, Reese Witherspoon, and Chris Klein
Oscar Nominations: 1 (Best Adapted Screenplay)

Election is a perfect satire of the American Political system and psychotic, single-minded obsession. The movie speaks to me mainly for those reasons. Reese Witherspoon, an actress I am usually uncaring about, puts in a great performance as Tracy Flick, a single-minded high school senior who just wants to win student council president at any cost. Matthew Broderick is the teacher trying to stop her, in this case banking on the people to vote for the stupid, popular Chris Klein. It's far from a perfect movie but it's still rather funny and a good send-up of over-achievers and their place in our culture.

99. Immortal Beloved (1994)
Directed and written by Bernard Rose
Starring Gary Oldman and Jeroen Krabbe

This movie is not very historically inaccurate but neither are most biopics. Instead, it's a gorgeous use of Beethoven's music and well acted to boot. The main premise is a man's search for the "Immortal Beloved" a figure who appears in a few love letters penned by the master. What ensues is also mystery and romance. I could go into it further but that entails spoilers and there are only a few movies that I'm going to do that here. Worth a rental.

98. What's Up Doc? (1972)
Directed by Peter Bogdanovich
Written by Peter Bogdanovich, Buck Henry, David Newman, and Robert Benton
Staring Barbra Streisand, Ryan O'Neil, and Madeline Khan

A send-up of the screwball comedies of the golden age of Hollywood. It also features my diva but that's beside the point. A genuinely hilarious film, the plot is hard to synopsize because it goes all over the place because of some of the conventions it indulges in including mistaken identity, romance, and musical rocks. Seriously, it is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen and definitely a treat. Another important note is that includes the first major motion picture appearance of Madeline Khan, a woman that left us too soon. But more on her later.

Next time: Teenage Suicide, Don't do it; One of the worst children in cinema history; and something that comes in a little glass vial.

Bardic Knowledge: Love Never Dies

First off, a reminder that I will be starting my top 100 list tomorrow. That is something that I am going to try to stick to and it should be up sometime in the afternoon at the latest.

That said, a rant. I am a fan of musicals. I am gay after all, it's hardwired in there plus I do have a past in theater. That said, sequels tend not to be so good in the theater world. So, hearing that a truly great musical like Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera is getting a sequel, Love Never Dies. Really? Yeah, it's happening. After close to a a decade of threats, it's finally happening in 2010.

The plot follows something like this: The Phantom has escaped to New York where he has basically became the designer of Coney Island's many famous attractions. The Giry's are also there for no good reason. Anyway, The Phantom lures Christine, Raoul, and their son to New York and hijinks ensue. Now, I have problems with this plot. First off, let's assume Christine is still one of the leading Divas of the Opéra Populaire. Why would she do a gig at a relatively unknown overseas landmark? She can do much better, at least doing The Met.

I have some problems with Lloyd Webber overall. The man ruined Broadway for many years and his works are kinda overrated. I am a huge fan of Phantom and Sunset BLVD. but the second one is partially because of my feelings on the source material. Other than that, they helped set in place the British mega-musical where spectacle was always a good substitute for a great show. This feeling has continued to this day. Even great musicals like Wicked have gimmicks. When you think of Phantom, you think of the Chandelier, Miss Saigon had that helicopter, Wicked has the Time Dragon, and Les Mis had the spinning wheel of actor nausea.

Overall, Andrew Lloyd Webber has been going down hill for a few years. None of his shows have lasted all that long since Phantom. Sunset was the last one to actually experience a realm of critical success. Overall, it's kinda annoying to me that a man can be treated like a success all these years when he has a few huge successes then the second half of his career has been rather unremarkable *cough*Coppola*cough*. Where was I? Oh yeah, anyway, I'm reserving judgment on this piece of something but I'm not going to be counting on something perfect.

The Top 100 Movie List (A Very Biased List): Prologue

For those of you that have been following Will for many years, you will remember my top 10 Lists from the school new paper entitled "The Very Biased List." I as well did a previous top 100 list in my former newsletter, The Semi-Daily Rant of the Day. So, in an attempt at getting myself into a regular blogging form, I am reviving both concepts as part of a two month long exercise in masochism.

Here's the deal, starting on November 2nd, each day I will be posting three movies from the list in sequential order, starting with number 100. This will go on until November 30th when I'll be switching over to two a day starting with number 40 when I switch to a two a day format, partially because I start feeling lazy and partially because I'll just have more to talk about. Finally, on the 21st I'll move to one a day for the top 10 with number one being announced on the first. By the way, this will hopefully not interfere with the Christmas Experiment this year. THat might inspire some insanity of it's own so I'll just write number six in advance.

Any questions, ask away or e-mail me at crystal_tuxedo@yahoo.com. Thank you.

Taking 20: Relationships

As stated in the last Taking 20 segment, this will get personal. I'm sorry but it will.

Will is single. He has been single for a few years. It's something that he has come to grips with. He also likes to refer to himself in the third person on occasion. It makes it easier to look at myself because I can think of myself as a subject rather than being trully introspective. It's not healthy but like I really care. So, anyway, I was thinking about it and I really do feel alone sometimes. It isn't so much about needing someone to love as needing someone to connect to. I hate to get all geeky but I can heavily sympathize with the Tenth Doctor. So, how does a being that can travel through space and time relate to Will's life?



The Tenth Doctor, as played by David Tennant, is the title character from Doctor Who. The character is the last of his people, an alien race known as the Time Lords. Throughout the speies, one of the underlying themes is the Doctor connecting to people then fate, time, etc. stealing them from him, leaving him alone. THis is how I often feel. I try to connect to people but they always just end up leaving me in the end and I'm just there, by myself again. I've lost count of the amount of times I have spent at home, alone on a Saturday night watching TV, not that I have much reason to count these things.

Part of this is my own fault. I don't go out of my way to encounter life, I don't try to live. I let it all happen to me instead of grasping it. Right now, I feel like I'm drifting and there is no land is sight. I need to learn the code behind it all, the meaning. I need to look farther. I need to make sense rather than just free-writing. It's all just crushing me down but I need to push past that. I need to connect. I need to, I dunno, stop needing other people I guess. I really don't know. I want something more really, that's all. Is that that bad?

Well, that's enough soul-bearing for now. Let's get back to covering crazy crap on YouTube next time.

You-tubery: Barbara Walters TMNT Interview

Like many of you, I grew up with the Ninja Turtles. I also respect Barbara Walters... mostly. I do find the woman to be partially responsible for the death of serious journalism but more on that later. Occasionally she does things that make me kinda want to ignore her or think less of her. This is one of those.



First off, the woman is a professional. She is interviewing a bunch of men in foam costumes that look like giant turtles with a somewhat straight face. This is a woman who cares about her job. That said, what passes for comedy here is rather... iffy. At one point, Donatello does a visible face palm at something Barbara says about at 1:04. The guy in the foam rubber turtle costume thinks you're doing a bad job. That says something. For that matter, keep an eye on him throughout the video. He's the one who is thinking, "I went to Julliard for this? Dear god!"

Now, I know this is something I shouldn't be taking seriously but at the same time, you can actually feel journalism die during the video. Watch this then watch Frost/Nixon and try to tell me that we still have journalism like that? I don't care what Miley is up to and this is where the root of the problem began: The Barbara Walters Special. Soft lighting, easy questions, nothing that might catch the subject off guard, a smacking of everything being rehearsed. The subject of the interview knows that they will come out of everything looking like gold, not a scumbag or like they did anything wrong in their life with a few faked tears put in for good measure. That isn't even the worst thing abut this video though.

Here's my favorite part: Barbara is evil. She makes the turtles cry and she cackles like a super-villain. Dear god, it's kinda messed up. Here's a woman, a professional, and she delights in making these creatures cry. She does something Shredder never could: She defeats the Ninja Turtles. It's all kinda pathetic and terrible. She's laughing because they don't have parents. She's reveling in the misery of others. It's like she thought to herself, "Well, this'll make up for giving everyone else softballs."

You-Tube. You can find anything there. Even evil journalistic sell-outs.

Unsung Treasures: Smooth Criminal

I'm going to say something blasphemous: "Thriller" was not the late Michael Jackson's best music Video. "Thriller" may have defined the music video but it did not, by any stretch of the imagination, become the greatest at the same time. I will give that honor to the "Smooth Criminal" video from Jackson's 1988 film, Moonwalker.

For those of you that don't remember, Moonwalker was pretty much nothing but a really long collection of music videos, some of them coming off slightly like ego trips but I digress. It also may have featured the King of Pop becoming a transformer. Seriously, he turns into a car and, later, a giant robot. I cannot make this stuff up. Anyway, at one point after turning into a car, Michael goes into a night club and the most awesome thing ever happens: Something so awesome that I just have to show you the video. Well, I was going to link to it anyway but describing it will just lower the value of it's awesomeness all that much more.



Yeah, that. That is awesome. The lighting. The costumes. The dancing. Sure, zombies dancing is kinda cool but it's nothing compared to 30's gangsters dancing and Michael doesn't get out a tommy gun at any point in "Thriller". That alone makes "Smooth Criminal" the clear winner. If anyone has any arguments for otherwise, let me know.

So Bad it's Horrible: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Some movies are considered so bad they're good. Others are not content to be there and steamroll forward into becoming So Bad They're Horrible. This is one of them.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (or TRF from here on out) is the sequel to Transformers, a movie I vaguely enjoyed. It had it's plusses but, over all, was just a dumb action flick but at least it was an enjoyable one. Not content to let me enjoy any of his films, Michael Bay looked long and hard for a way to ruin any positive memory I had of the first. He found: The Twins.

The Twins are those kinda characters that only exist in movie land. They're litteraly there just to make one liners and they're personality is: We make one-liners. Aren't we funny. No, no you're not.

What makes matters worse is that this seems to be the mistake the screenwriters makes repeatily. Shia Lebouf's character, Sam's parents, as played by Kevin Dunn and Julie White, exist to be comedic relief in a movie that never lets up on unnecesary jokes. At one point, Mom Judy eats a pot brownie. I do not see how this was neccesary. It's not even that funny. It felt like the screenwriter had these two scripts he was working on, one got canceled, so to make up for lost time, he just taped them together and called it done. Then we have the groaners.

I'll cut to the chase: A robot who is made up of different cunsturtion themed robots called Devestator has testicles. Why? Why would a robot which has no reason to have these parts have these parts? The worst part is that it happens at a point where I was starting to get interested in the movie. It had tension then two large wrecking balls hanging from the robotrs crotch. That earned a face palm. That's not to say this is all the fault of the three men who wrote the script. No, I'd say a lot of the fault lies elsewhere.

Michael Bay is trully a god among men: The God of Bad Movies. False sentimentality just reigns here and a dramatic score is a substitute for a genuinely touching moment. Then, there's the fact that the movie has earned it's title as explosion porn. Need tension? Blow something up! Property damage is on the menu and there's only one cure: BOOM!!! Why do we keep giving the man money? I don't think I can justify it ever again, not after that.

So, please, if you feel the need to see TRF, just go and see UP again. Go see Star Trek. Hell, go and rent Star Wars Episode 1. I think I would rather sit through Jar Jar then see the twins ever again.

Number of Face Palms: 5.
Actual Running Time:147 minutes
Experienced Runing Time: 4 Hours
Number of Drinks Needed to Forget: 6

EDITED because I somehow got Jerry Burckheimer mixed up with Michael Bay. D'Oh. Sorry.

Taking 20: Anger Problems

So, I got bored the other day and read some archives of my old newsletter, The Semi-Daily Rant of the Day and I realized something: I used to have an anger problem. I mean, really had one. I know I had some issues but I didn't think it was that bad. For that matter, I read some of my old blog on Livejournal and I think I only got worse. I think I'm a better person now than I used to be but I never know. I like to think that if I was getting bad with my emotions that someone would tell me. I guess it all comes down to one thing: who I am.

I've put up with a lot of stuff in my years. I know my breakdowns in high school were mainly due to never quite being able to be who I was. I could be but not very openly and I did some stuff that I regret now to forget about my worries. It also didn't help that I had to live under the roof of a man that is one of the few human beings that I truly hate in this universe and I couldn't say anything because I wanted my mom to be happy. Quite frankly, when I said and told people I couldn't wait for college, I meant it. I mean, I really meant it.

College has been not quite what I thought it would be. Everything went swell until my sophomore year. That's when the crap hit the fan. I got involved with someone that didn't really care that much about me back so I don't talk to him anymore. However, this caused problems in the long run because, I'll admit, I only recently got over him. It took me four years to get over one scumbag. Seriously. I also had some people stop talking to me because of small mistakes on my part that I didn't quite understand. I stopped trying to figure out that shit a long while ago. Finally, this is about the same time that I really first thought to myself, "Why?"

Yeah, "Why?" is an odd question. It's loaded and means little but to me, "Why?" meant that I was wondering why I was born, why I'm here, and why am I constantly fucking up my own life. However, I have come to realize that "Why?" is not a valid question. Being an English major told me that. Every question needs a basis, nothing is concrete in this world, and reality is subjective. My psyche is better. I can lean on the friends I have and occasionally let them lean on me.

Sure, I am by no means a better human being now than I was then. I am still about the same sarcastic, cynical, idiot I was 10 years ago when I started high school but at least I can look at myself and decide I'm worth it as a human being. I can do pretty well and, sure, I still am easily irritated and have developed something of a stutter when I get frustrated but it's all good. I have good feelings about the impending future and, hey, I might meet someone awesome who doesn't mind that I can get mad at times and will call me on my shit. That's the dream really.

Well, that's enough soul-bearing for now. Let's get back to covering crazy crap on YouTube next time.

What WIll Listened To: June 14th-June 20th

Figured for the two people who read this, here is what Will has been listening to this week.

What I've Bought: No physical albums this week. From iTunes, I bought "Build Me Up Buttercup" as performed by The Goops (something about the song appeals to my inner punk rocker and my lover of cheery music.) and The Theme From Star Trek Voyager (Yeah, I like Voyager. It happens.).

Podcasts I've Listened to: I encourage everyone to listen to Mike and Niki make a Podcast over at Earth-2.net. A link to the podcast can be found here for episode 1 and episode 2. Before clicking, do note that those are direct links to the mp3 files themselves so only click if you feel like doing the download. It will be worth it. It's a podcast about pop culture. Episode 1 is all about the writing of Kevin Smith and episode 2 is about music in the last 20 years. In both, Will gets to blush at some point since I actually named the podcast and gave the podcasters a pretty good idea. Regardless, go and take a listen.

Will's Top 11 Most Played Songs from my iPod for this week (with links to the songs on iTunes.) Why 11? Have you seen This Is Spinal Tap?:
1. "I Don't Care" performed by Apocalyptica, World's Collide (I think all music can be bettered by the cello.)
2. "A Dazzling End" composed by Murray Gold, Doctor Who Series 4 Soundtrack (Hope. That's what the music envokes here.)
3. "The Rueful Fate of Donna Noble" composed by Murray Gold, Doctor Who Series 4 Soundtrack (The sense of loss coming from this song and it's connection to my favorite Doctor Who character are something awesome.)
4. "All The Strange, Strange Creatures" composed by Murray Gold, Doctor Who Series 3 Soundtrack (Music to save the world by.)
5. "Zydrate Anatomy" performed by Terrance Zdunich as The Gravedigger, Repo: The Genetic Opera (Mark my words, in twenty years time, people are going to be going to this movie like they go to Rocky Horror.)
6. "All Along the Watchtower" performed by Bear McCreary, Battlestar Galactica Season 3 Soundtrack (I love the Dylan version but there's something about the Indian vibe and the sitar they make me love this version.)
7. "This is Gallifrey: Our Childhood, Our Home" composed by Murray Gold, Doctor Who Series 3 Soundtrack (Nostalgia.)
8. "Welcome to the Black Parade" performed by My Chemical Romance, The Black Parade (I dunno what it is about this song but I find it oddly epic.)
9. "Any Other Name" composed by Thomas Newman, American Beauty Original Motion Picture Score (More of that saddness but also something else I can't put my thumb on.)
10. "Let's Go To The Mall" performed by Cobie Smulders as Robin Sparkles, Let's Sparkle (A great tribute to the care-free songs of the eighties.)
11. "Don't Let it Bring You Down" performed by Annie Lennox, Medusa (Annie Lennox is one of those singers that I think deserves to be lofted high into the skies of awesome.)

Unsung Treasures: Der Fuehrer's Face

It's Donald Duck's 25th birthday and what way to celebrate it but with one of the more... interesting... chapters in Donald's lifespan:

Der Fuehrer's Face

Also known as the Nazi Donald Duck cartoon, we have a great example of the WW2 propaganda film. A great cartoon, it also has a number of things I'll mention after the clip.



So, what we have here is a disturbing story of Donald being a member of the Nazi war machine and his eventual insanity. The story ends with it all being a dream but this is probably the most effective of all the propaganda cartoons. It's one thing to have Superman getting to "slap a jap." It's another for Donald Duck, a childhood image, living in a potential world of misery. Parts of it are funny but it also has a message. Bugs Bunny may fight Himler but Donald Duck suffered. May Donald's next 75 years go just as good.

Movies Will is Anticipating: Coraline

One of my favorite authors is Neil Gaiman, the writer the of the comic book series The Sandman in addition to American Gods and Neverwhere. Coraline is based off of a Children's book of the same name. The basic premise is that Coraline is a bored girl who's family just moved into a strange house and she finds a door that leads to another world where versions of her family and neighbors live. Really, here's the trailer. Did I mention it's stop motion animation?

So, what did you all think? I know, I am kind of psyched. It looks creepy and so much like The Nightmare Before Christmas which is very much the hallmark that all stop-motion is held up to. I would have to say that it will probably be the first movie I race to see of this new year. Hopefully other people will as well. It could appeal to adults as well as kids. If not, then hopefully it follows Nightmare's lead and can gain a cult following and steadly become big on the secondary video market.