Viewing Thoughts: So, I'm watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, hands down my favorite Christmas movie of all time. I love how the movie brings everything from tonight full circle. You got people wronged, you got the Christmas Miracle, you got the whole Kit and kaboodle. It is basically a more grown up Christmas Story. Both are all about going through the motions of the holidays.The shopping, the tree, everything. Plus, you have that little kid who's so cute you want to punch them because they make you want to feel for them or something stupid like that.
So, in the vacation series, the kids never stay the same. Their personalities, body types, ages, everything changes and yet Chevy and his wife stay the same. THis got me thinking. Sure, their names stay the same but what if they are in fact different kids? Maybe the Griswold's kidnap kids and brainwash them into believing they are Rusty and whatever the girl's name is. It doesn't matter if it's name only, point is, they think they are Clark's kids. However, they grow up or the conditioning wears off. Eventually, they have to deal with this. So, old set of kids are killed and a new one is brought in. They;re basically urban gypsies.
So, in the end, there are two victims in this entire movie. It's not the Griswold's, it's their neighbors. You have this Waspish Yuppie couple who just want to live in peace but this buffoon next door proceeds to make your life hell. He ruins your expensive stereo equipment, blinds you and causes temporary blindness, let you get attacked by animals, and wrecks your house and causes distress. Sure, you're a dick but maybe they were hopeful once. They saw this house that someone was really underpaying on little suspecting that they just wanted to get a way from the dumb ass. He ends up ruining the marriage. The pool is the least of all the worries. The neighbors suing for emotional and property damage should be threat enough.
Late Christmas Ideas: I so want the Moose Antler classess they drink the egg nog out of in the movie. That would be so sweet I could see doing it. Either that or are there Jelly of the Month Clubs? That feels like the only way I'll ever be able to get a good Strawberry-Rhubarb Jam.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: I need an advent Calender next year. I always mean to pick one up but then i forget all together and then the question is what kind of one. I mean, there are so many different kinds of them. Do I want candy, do I want to make a little scene, what? Oh well, got a year to think on it all.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 7
Energy Drinks Left: 3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being thinking of doing this again):8
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
The Christmas Experiment Hours 21+22
Viewing Thoughts: I think I hate myself. I'm Watching Toby Keith Classic Christmas. Yeah! Crappy country Christmas. It was the only Christmas thing on right now that wasn't a made for TV movie. I thought all country songs were supposed to be able to play guitar and Toby is just singing. That's so cheap. Well, this should be a cheap entry unless we get something so horrific I can talk about it for like a year on end. I am seriously wanting to claw my ears out right now. Someone kill me. I so want to back out right now.
Jewel next proves that she can't fall any farther by appearing as a very special guest. Jewel plays a guitar. Why isn't she playing one? I want my country western stars to play guitar. I want them to be able to defend themselves if they get attacked and by if, I mean when I go over the edge.
So, Toby gives a lot of monologues. They're pretty stupid. BTW, Toby sings "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas". Yes, this man is dead. He dares disgrace the memory of Judy Garland? That's it. I need to avoid the Nutter Center when he's playing there in a couple of months. That's the spirit. With any luck I don't try to hurt him and god forbid they try to get us to stay open late for HIM at the BKstore because I'll laugh and hang up.
Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales: More Charlie Brown. This is a shorter thing. It's like the last one in that there is no main story. It's a bunch of sketches. BTW, I've decided that Linus and Lucy's Brother, Rerun, is just a genetic cloning experiment. I have a theory that Peanuts takes place in a post-apocalyptic world where all the adults were killed and only kids are left. As a result of genetic cloning, Rerun and Linus are actually the same person except Rerun is a younger clone. If it had been a little sister, she would have looked like Lucy. The adults are just robots that can't speak but communicate in static. However, through In Vitro learning, the robots are thought of as parents to prevent rebellion ad to keep the human race going. As for Snoopy being so smart, we, he is an example of genetic regression.
My favorite thing about all the Peanuts Christmas specials is that they retain some degree of the meaning of Christmas. All the rest are all Santa Claus saving Christmas things. Linus is a theologian, identifies himself as one, and isn't afraid of that. Take that Shrek The Halls!
Noted Commercials: So, they have a commercial for what is basically foam with tape that insulates your house. Yeah, 20 bucks for something that anyone could produce. Hey, how about a solar powered dry cleaning device? You just drape it between two trees and hang your clothes from it and they get dry. Its amazing and it is the invention that will revolutionize your life!
Late Christmas Ideas: The head of the first Country Western Musician on a pike. That's all I really want.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: What the hell is a sugar plum or figgy pudding? I almost want to look for one so I can try it. It's probably nasty none the less.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 7
Energy Drinks Left: 3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being someone who enjoys Country Western Music):7
Jewel next proves that she can't fall any farther by appearing as a very special guest. Jewel plays a guitar. Why isn't she playing one? I want my country western stars to play guitar. I want them to be able to defend themselves if they get attacked and by if, I mean when I go over the edge.
So, Toby gives a lot of monologues. They're pretty stupid. BTW, Toby sings "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas". Yes, this man is dead. He dares disgrace the memory of Judy Garland? That's it. I need to avoid the Nutter Center when he's playing there in a couple of months. That's the spirit. With any luck I don't try to hurt him and god forbid they try to get us to stay open late for HIM at the BKstore because I'll laugh and hang up.
Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales: More Charlie Brown. This is a shorter thing. It's like the last one in that there is no main story. It's a bunch of sketches. BTW, I've decided that Linus and Lucy's Brother, Rerun, is just a genetic cloning experiment. I have a theory that Peanuts takes place in a post-apocalyptic world where all the adults were killed and only kids are left. As a result of genetic cloning, Rerun and Linus are actually the same person except Rerun is a younger clone. If it had been a little sister, she would have looked like Lucy. The adults are just robots that can't speak but communicate in static. However, through In Vitro learning, the robots are thought of as parents to prevent rebellion ad to keep the human race going. As for Snoopy being so smart, we, he is an example of genetic regression.
My favorite thing about all the Peanuts Christmas specials is that they retain some degree of the meaning of Christmas. All the rest are all Santa Claus saving Christmas things. Linus is a theologian, identifies himself as one, and isn't afraid of that. Take that Shrek The Halls!
Noted Commercials: So, they have a commercial for what is basically foam with tape that insulates your house. Yeah, 20 bucks for something that anyone could produce. Hey, how about a solar powered dry cleaning device? You just drape it between two trees and hang your clothes from it and they get dry. Its amazing and it is the invention that will revolutionize your life!
Late Christmas Ideas: The head of the first Country Western Musician on a pike. That's all I really want.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: What the hell is a sugar plum or figgy pudding? I almost want to look for one so I can try it. It's probably nasty none the less.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 7
Energy Drinks Left: 3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being someone who enjoys Country Western Music):7
The Christmas Experiment Hours 19-20
Viewing Thoughts: It's time for that John Hughes classic, Home Alone. This is the movie where blind coincidence rules. One of the tickets disappears, Kevin is the only one in the attic, random neighbor kid gets mistaken for Kevin, etc. Seriously, we're talking the most perfect lack of entropy every so that things happen exactly so Kevin gets lost. This brings me to my main problem with this movie. Every force in the universe is aligned against Kevin once it aligns for him. Apparently Kevin becomes Jean Val Jean once he steals a freaking tooth burch. What the hell? He's a kid and it's a two buck tooth brush.
All that said, Kevin functions pretty good for himself. It helps his family is loaded. I doubt I would have functioned nearly as well. If it would have progressed a little further, I could have seen Kevin starting his own little crime syndicate out of that house using just video recordings of one movie. Then it leads into Kevin fending off Michael Jackson.
So, the ending. Kevin connects with random scary guy with the jerkwad son. Then he hastily put together a house of traps that do a great job on the idiot bandits. Can I just say that I wish I was this organized ever that I could do this? Kevin is going into home security when he grows up. Anyway, random chance works for Kevin again because scary old guy stumbles in a pwns the bandits. Mom gets home, everyone is happy. Well, except for the bandits but that's a given.
Noted Commercials: I love this Christmas Mac vs PC. I love the old wooden puppet Christmas specials. The song is kind of catchy and I really got to say, I would so watch a Mac Vs PC Christmas special. Wouldn't you? We would have epic battles, Vista Jokes, and in the end, Santa reveals he runs Linux.
Late Christmas Ideas: I could do with a vacation or something. I mean, I'm already Home Alone so it all works out.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: So, I got to say that I have observed one major thing today: There are not that many Christmas commercials, or at least not any really good ones. When I was a kid, we were pretty much infested with them and now, well, we get freaking commercials for Razors. Yeah, not very awesome. Not even a sentimental McDonald's commercial. I wish I would have went into marketing. Then at least we would have Christmas commercials over flowing with fake sentimentality.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 8
Energy Drinks Left: 3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being being out at 5 on Black Friday):6
All that said, Kevin functions pretty good for himself. It helps his family is loaded. I doubt I would have functioned nearly as well. If it would have progressed a little further, I could have seen Kevin starting his own little crime syndicate out of that house using just video recordings of one movie. Then it leads into Kevin fending off Michael Jackson.
So, the ending. Kevin connects with random scary guy with the jerkwad son. Then he hastily put together a house of traps that do a great job on the idiot bandits. Can I just say that I wish I was this organized ever that I could do this? Kevin is going into home security when he grows up. Anyway, random chance works for Kevin again because scary old guy stumbles in a pwns the bandits. Mom gets home, everyone is happy. Well, except for the bandits but that's a given.
Noted Commercials: I love this Christmas Mac vs PC. I love the old wooden puppet Christmas specials. The song is kind of catchy and I really got to say, I would so watch a Mac Vs PC Christmas special. Wouldn't you? We would have epic battles, Vista Jokes, and in the end, Santa reveals he runs Linux.
Late Christmas Ideas: I could do with a vacation or something. I mean, I'm already Home Alone so it all works out.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: So, I got to say that I have observed one major thing today: There are not that many Christmas commercials, or at least not any really good ones. When I was a kid, we were pretty much infested with them and now, well, we get freaking commercials for Razors. Yeah, not very awesome. Not even a sentimental McDonald's commercial. I wish I would have went into marketing. Then at least we would have Christmas commercials over flowing with fake sentimentality.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 8
Energy Drinks Left: 3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being being out at 5 on Black Friday):6
The Christmas Experiment Hours 17+18
Viewing Thoughts: The Mst3k episode featuring Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Yeah, thus I am going to try to laugh and focus more on the movie. So, this movie doesn't have a costume designer, it has a custume designer. I love the Christmas specials where everyone knows for a fact that Santa Claus actually exists. Apparently Santa is a drunk and can't remember his reindeer's names. Anyway,.the Martians all have tv antennas on their heads and sleep in personal pyramids. All of the Mars kids are apparently kind of turned into adults early and don't get to have fun or something stupid like that. So, evil plan to kidnap Santa Klaus. Me, I got a better idea. Get a Wal-Mart. Buy some crap and toys. So, first major problem with this movie: if the Martians have a space ship, why do they need to kidnap Santa Claus? Wouldn't it be easier to dress someone else like Santa? Anyway, Aliens are idiots and get detected. Kids don't believe in Martians and the Martians show up right there and then.Then the kids basically give up Santa. Yeah, let' get to Santa killing some Martians. About here, they kind of give up on the movie since we got some stock footage of jet planes refueling. Dear god, Little House keeps on looking like something I'd rather watch.
So, Santa is going to get kidnapped and stupid kids get chased by a guy in a bear costume. It doesn't even look like they were trying. Then the kids get attacked by a robot. Dear god, wasn't Santa supposed to be in this thing? Instead, we get Martians arguing about war and robots and annoying kids not getting split in two. But hey, at least we get Santa and the elves vs. The Robot. It lasts ten seconds. The robot stops and the Martians use their hair dryers to stop the elves and Mrs. Claus. On the bright side for the Martians, The UN is working on saving Santa along with the nazis or something. I really think this is is just getting worse...
So, an evil Martian tries to kill Santa and the kids by putting them out the airlock. The air lock isn't that well sealed and apparently get killed leading the Marian fighting except Santa survived. Apparently they escaped out the air duct in the air lock. Yeah, it's a wonder the Martians didn't all die horribly years ago. Evil Martians escapes after being imprisoned for ten seconds. So Santa meet the Martian children and they start laughing. I think Santa must have dusted his costume with crack. The kids love Santa so much that they become his slaves in his toy factory. Apparently the Martians eat all their food in pill form so one of the Martians decides to OD on Food pills to be like Santa.
Evil Martians kidnap Santa Martian. They leave Santa Martian with the device keeping him imprisoned. Santa Martian gets out. Yeah, evil Martians are defeated by toys and bubbles while Santa goes insane. It turns into an avant-garde film out of nowhere and Santa wins. This is seriously turning trippy. So, I'm just giving up on Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Thank gd it's over. The end lesson is that Mars's society will soon collapse when they become consumed with the effort to buy stuff. So, Santa didn't do much conquering. I wanted Santa to be sitting on a throne of bloody Martian corpses. Such blatant false advertising.
By the way, this just makes watching this entire episode of MST3K worth watching:
Late Christmas Ideas: I would love a Mr. Mashed Potato Head or the ability to decide who live or dies. Umm, ignore that last one.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: So, I got an evil plan for a movie. It'll be called, Santa vs The Zombies. Santa fights zombies. But the zombie aren't alone. They're lead by the evil Cyborg Santa and his Ho Ho Hoes! Plus, we get some relevant social commentary because the zombie represent the consumer mentality vs Santa's keep it simple philosophy!
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 8
Energy Drinks Left:3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being someone who likes Pauly Shore movies):5
So, Santa is going to get kidnapped and stupid kids get chased by a guy in a bear costume. It doesn't even look like they were trying. Then the kids get attacked by a robot. Dear god, wasn't Santa supposed to be in this thing? Instead, we get Martians arguing about war and robots and annoying kids not getting split in two. But hey, at least we get Santa and the elves vs. The Robot. It lasts ten seconds. The robot stops and the Martians use their hair dryers to stop the elves and Mrs. Claus. On the bright side for the Martians, The UN is working on saving Santa along with the nazis or something. I really think this is is just getting worse...
So, an evil Martian tries to kill Santa and the kids by putting them out the airlock. The air lock isn't that well sealed and apparently get killed leading the Marian fighting except Santa survived. Apparently they escaped out the air duct in the air lock. Yeah, it's a wonder the Martians didn't all die horribly years ago. Evil Martians escapes after being imprisoned for ten seconds. So Santa meet the Martian children and they start laughing. I think Santa must have dusted his costume with crack. The kids love Santa so much that they become his slaves in his toy factory. Apparently the Martians eat all their food in pill form so one of the Martians decides to OD on Food pills to be like Santa.
Evil Martians kidnap Santa Martian. They leave Santa Martian with the device keeping him imprisoned. Santa Martian gets out. Yeah, evil Martians are defeated by toys and bubbles while Santa goes insane. It turns into an avant-garde film out of nowhere and Santa wins. This is seriously turning trippy. So, I'm just giving up on Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Thank gd it's over. The end lesson is that Mars's society will soon collapse when they become consumed with the effort to buy stuff. So, Santa didn't do much conquering. I wanted Santa to be sitting on a throne of bloody Martian corpses. Such blatant false advertising.
By the way, this just makes watching this entire episode of MST3K worth watching:
Late Christmas Ideas: I would love a Mr. Mashed Potato Head or the ability to decide who live or dies. Umm, ignore that last one.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: So, I got an evil plan for a movie. It'll be called, Santa vs The Zombies. Santa fights zombies. But the zombie aren't alone. They're lead by the evil Cyborg Santa and his Ho Ho Hoes! Plus, we get some relevant social commentary because the zombie represent the consumer mentality vs Santa's keep it simple philosophy!
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 8
Energy Drinks Left:3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being someone who likes Pauly Shore movies):5
The Christmas Experiment Hours 15+16
Viewing Thoughts: This is probably going to be a short one. This is Food Network time.
30-minute meals with Rachel Ray: Okay, I love Rachel Ray. I want to see someone cook who can do this sort of thing better than me. Rachel is making some kind of Chicken. It looks viscously good. Yeah, I don't have muhc else to say about this. This was all I could really find on. Was talking to the family first so they took priority over the experiment. I kind of wish I was straight and Rachel Ray was single. Oh well.
Quick Fix Meals with Robin Miller: OMG, this woman looks like she is a killer. I'm scared to say too much bad about her because she was she looks like she's good with a knife. Yeah, Rachel rocks alot. This woman? I think she would throw rocks at me. I talk with my hands, I know but this woman screams with her hands. I think she's strangled people. I feel like I'm eligible to enter witness protection just by watching her.
It's Christmas Again, Charlie Brown: Yeah, lets take everything awesome about the original and rape it savagely! It's just a lot of different things with no cohesive glue other than it's Christmas. This one does have Marcy and Peppermint Patty though and during it, they have a hidden pro-life message in it when Peppermint Patty says that her snowman has the right to live. We also have the second time today that we see theme writing. Someone named Peggy Jean is in the special also who Charlie Brown is dating. Who is this? Is this the little red haired girl? Oh well, it happens.
I can't help but notice that when Charlie Brown is in charge of a Christmas play, it's repetitive dancing but when someone else is, then it's actual Christmas imagery. I miss the repetitive dancing. The most hilarious part of this is that Marcy is Mary in the play and there's no Joesph. Well, that was a waste of two hours...
Noted Commercials: There's a weight watchers commercial on the food net work. Wow, I find that kind of odd. Why would someone watch the Food Network and then decide, "Hmm, Weight Watchers or fattening stuff that tastes good?"
They have a commercial for some kind of concealer that featured some old chick lathering up her legs. Ewwww!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't want to see that. I want to claw out my eyes.It might make everything a bit more tolerable with this lady. Oh my, that cost me a bit of my sanity...
Late Christmas Ideas: I really want some pans and pots. Yes, we got some at home but I need some of my own for later on. Oh well, I'll save up for them. I want one of the awesome looking sets that they sell that have everything right down to a double boiler despite the fact I'll never use one.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: I wonder who decided what was a holiday food? I personally might try to lead a campaign to get enchiladas declared a Christmas food. I would get behind that. Sure, you can have your turkey and ham but you have never know the joys of a holiday enchilada with traditional Christmas nachos! Ole!
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 8
Energy Drinks Left:4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being Hannibal Lecter on Mac and Cheese night at the asylum): 5
30-minute meals with Rachel Ray: Okay, I love Rachel Ray. I want to see someone cook who can do this sort of thing better than me. Rachel is making some kind of Chicken. It looks viscously good. Yeah, I don't have muhc else to say about this. This was all I could really find on. Was talking to the family first so they took priority over the experiment. I kind of wish I was straight and Rachel Ray was single. Oh well.
Quick Fix Meals with Robin Miller: OMG, this woman looks like she is a killer. I'm scared to say too much bad about her because she was she looks like she's good with a knife. Yeah, Rachel rocks alot. This woman? I think she would throw rocks at me. I talk with my hands, I know but this woman screams with her hands. I think she's strangled people. I feel like I'm eligible to enter witness protection just by watching her.
It's Christmas Again, Charlie Brown: Yeah, lets take everything awesome about the original and rape it savagely! It's just a lot of different things with no cohesive glue other than it's Christmas. This one does have Marcy and Peppermint Patty though and during it, they have a hidden pro-life message in it when Peppermint Patty says that her snowman has the right to live. We also have the second time today that we see theme writing. Someone named Peggy Jean is in the special also who Charlie Brown is dating. Who is this? Is this the little red haired girl? Oh well, it happens.
I can't help but notice that when Charlie Brown is in charge of a Christmas play, it's repetitive dancing but when someone else is, then it's actual Christmas imagery. I miss the repetitive dancing. The most hilarious part of this is that Marcy is Mary in the play and there's no Joesph. Well, that was a waste of two hours...
Noted Commercials: There's a weight watchers commercial on the food net work. Wow, I find that kind of odd. Why would someone watch the Food Network and then decide, "Hmm, Weight Watchers or fattening stuff that tastes good?"
They have a commercial for some kind of concealer that featured some old chick lathering up her legs. Ewwww!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't want to see that. I want to claw out my eyes.It might make everything a bit more tolerable with this lady. Oh my, that cost me a bit of my sanity...
Late Christmas Ideas: I really want some pans and pots. Yes, we got some at home but I need some of my own for later on. Oh well, I'll save up for them. I want one of the awesome looking sets that they sell that have everything right down to a double boiler despite the fact I'll never use one.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: I wonder who decided what was a holiday food? I personally might try to lead a campaign to get enchiladas declared a Christmas food. I would get behind that. Sure, you can have your turkey and ham but you have never know the joys of a holiday enchilada with traditional Christmas nachos! Ole!
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 8
Energy Drinks Left:4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being Hannibal Lecter on Mac and Cheese night at the asylum): 5
The Christmas Experiment Hours 13-14
Viewing Thoughts: I'm watching A Very Brady Christmas. May god save me. The Brady's are really the last people anyone would want to spend Christmas with, especially considering I think they were trying to go somewhat dramatic on this one. First things first, I hate that the Brady house got updated in this one. The fun of the Brady Bunch was how cheesy it was. This is more hokey than cheesy. First off, the entire family looks older and you just know that they're all in it for the check. Then, Alice shows up, no longer a maid, and she is cuckold and Sam the Butcher's been letting someone else tenderize his beef (Hey, this is better than what they say. There is a reference to "seasoning rump roast.") At the beginning of the special, Ma and Pa Brady are planning opposing cruises then they decide to just fly the entire Brady Clan out to their one toilet house. Yeah, this will be happy! The grown up kids also bring their kids and stuff and I got to say, I have never seen better arguments for putting your kids up for adoption. They're all brats or dullards. As for the spouses, well, we get so much bitching. Oh, We're splitting up! Oh, I got fired! Oh, I need to see my great aunt! Seriously, you'd think one of the Brady's would have been gay. I would have loved to have seen Cindy show up with her butch girlfriend but I digress.
Anyway, there's some sub-plot where Papa Brady has some land or something weird and it's all kind of stupid until it almost ends in a Brady Death but then everyone gets saved by Christmas singing. Yeah, that's kind of just stupid. I kind of wanted an episode of the Brady Bunch where things end unhappy. Oh well, that's life I guess.
Noted Commercials: They have on an Egg Nog commercial where they advertised flavored egg nog. No matter what, I think it probably still sucks. Oh well, at least you can get drunk off it. I wonder if there are other kinds of nog other than egg nog. Must look into that. Ragardless, it has people enjoying egg nog and that is a first for me. They must be getting paid incredibly well.
Late Christmas Ideas: Something tastier than egg nog. Anything has to be better than egg nog... except a McDonald's egg nog shake. Eww.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Just had my dinner. It was very tasty though I don't think I'm gong to pick up Bob Evens dressing any more. It was kind of terrible.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 8
Energy Drinks Left:4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being being out at 5 on Black Friday):3
Anyway, there's some sub-plot where Papa Brady has some land or something weird and it's all kind of stupid until it almost ends in a Brady Death but then everyone gets saved by Christmas singing. Yeah, that's kind of just stupid. I kind of wanted an episode of the Brady Bunch where things end unhappy. Oh well, that's life I guess.
Noted Commercials: They have on an Egg Nog commercial where they advertised flavored egg nog. No matter what, I think it probably still sucks. Oh well, at least you can get drunk off it. I wonder if there are other kinds of nog other than egg nog. Must look into that. Ragardless, it has people enjoying egg nog and that is a first for me. They must be getting paid incredibly well.
Late Christmas Ideas: Something tastier than egg nog. Anything has to be better than egg nog... except a McDonald's egg nog shake. Eww.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Just had my dinner. It was very tasty though I don't think I'm gong to pick up Bob Evens dressing any more. It was kind of terrible.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 8
Energy Drinks Left:4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being being out at 5 on Black Friday):3
Christmas Experiment Hours 11+12
Viewing Thoughts: Time to break out some Christmas specials.
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer: I used to love the Christmas specials where they tried to give a story to a simple Christmas song. The special never resembled the song. Grandma owns a store and generic grandkid is the main character. Let's call him Billy. Anyway, we get introduced to Cousin Mel who represents the forces of capitalism. Grandma is the forces of tradition. So, what we got here is a story about tradition vs. Progress. Some guy wants to buy the store. Geez, I wonder what's going to happen when the song happens? Aunt Mel says that she loves a man who wears tights, showing Aunt Mel has no judgment in men and that she is also generic evil. We get treated to a song about Fruitcake and dear god, this is going to be the most painful hour today! At least Little House was trying to be funny! Finally, the title song plays and we know we're getting near the only reason we're watching this wreck: Seeing some old biddy get killed by Santa and... it happens off screen. What the hell? What was the point? And there's 50 minutes left? What the hell? No one believes that Grandma got hit. Grandpa sees the hit also but seriously, Grandma gone. Santa covers his tracks. He isn't getting implicated in any homicide. Anyway, we get police making jokes about a dead woman and then we get Grandpa singing for no good reason. He sings about Elvis and Grandma. Yeah, I think I need to do some crack so this makes sense. Anyway, the forces of capitalism end up making a dirty joke because Cousin Mel wants to have sex with the rich guy. 40 more minutes...
So, generic Grandkid has a week to save Grandma. We get to see the Grandma murderer aka Santa. We then find out Grandma has been living in the North Pole with amnesia. So, Santa is just guilty of kidnapping and unlawful imprisonment. Anyway, Generic Grandkid goes to the North Pole after some crappy song. He finds Grandma and the forces of progress try to kidnap Grandma also. Despite a second showing of the attempted murder, we still don't get to see it and Santa gets arrested. Here's hoping for some justice. We get the forces of Progress dressing up like Carmen Mirannda singing about suing Santa. WTF? I don't remember taking any crack today... Anyway, Cousin Mel goes to where she has Grandma locked up and it's all incredibly stupid villain. She's already committing fraud. Might as well go for murder also. Anyway, the most hopeful kid ever convinces Grandma to eat some fruit cake and she gets her memory back. Case solved and Christmas is saved because apparently it can't happen without Santa. In the end, tradition and progress join together when Grandma franchises her store and we finally get to see Grandma get hit by the reindeer and it only took a freaking hour!!!
A Charlie Brown Christmas: It's the best Christmas special of all time! Who wouldn't love it? So, Ice Skating. Not much to really say. I'm reserving my really snarky comments for any of the other, sub-par Christmas specials. Seriously though, I've always wondered why everyone just hates Charlie Brown. I mean, he does mess up but he;s not the least likable Peanuts characters. You'd think everyone would hate Lucy who has few redeeming features. Hell, Peppermint Patty is more obnoxious. Maybe the Peanuts are just all self-absorbed and they hate the idea of there being a real voice of reason. Linus being a symbol of hope has to shame them into treating Charlie Brown like a real human being. Who knows? All I know is that I want to dance repetitively. So many of these characters just never appear again in here as well. Those dancing twins for example. But yeah, the scene with Linus explaining Christmas always warms my hear so it's all kind of worth it. Wish I could say more but there isn't really much more to say. This is just perfection Can't make fun of perfection.
Noted Commercials: Actually, I'm kind of sad. I don't think they run the Christmas Fruity Pebbles commercial anymore. It is incredibly sad for me because I wanted to see it this morning while I was eating my Fruity Pebbles. I remember when they had these awesome Christmas art on Cereal Boxes this time of the year. That always rocked. I would have eaten plain Bran Franks if it had a cartoon Santa on the front of it.
Late Christmas Ideas: A Cd to dance repetitively to would kind of rock. Just make sure it's not too gay. Maybe just some Jazz.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Dear god people in the sixties had no judgment? Fake trees? Maybe I just like the idea of sweeping up pine needles but silver Christmas trees just don't cut it for me. What's the spirit in it? Would you buy an Art Deco nativity scene? Dear god, do they make those? I didn't find one when I was googling so good. I do have some hope that Christmas is worth it. w00t for having some Holiday spirit!
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 8
Energy Drinks Left:4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being being out at 5 on Black Friday):3
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer: I used to love the Christmas specials where they tried to give a story to a simple Christmas song. The special never resembled the song. Grandma owns a store and generic grandkid is the main character. Let's call him Billy. Anyway, we get introduced to Cousin Mel who represents the forces of capitalism. Grandma is the forces of tradition. So, what we got here is a story about tradition vs. Progress. Some guy wants to buy the store. Geez, I wonder what's going to happen when the song happens? Aunt Mel says that she loves a man who wears tights, showing Aunt Mel has no judgment in men and that she is also generic evil. We get treated to a song about Fruitcake and dear god, this is going to be the most painful hour today! At least Little House was trying to be funny! Finally, the title song plays and we know we're getting near the only reason we're watching this wreck: Seeing some old biddy get killed by Santa and... it happens off screen. What the hell? What was the point? And there's 50 minutes left? What the hell? No one believes that Grandma got hit. Grandpa sees the hit also but seriously, Grandma gone. Santa covers his tracks. He isn't getting implicated in any homicide. Anyway, we get police making jokes about a dead woman and then we get Grandpa singing for no good reason. He sings about Elvis and Grandma. Yeah, I think I need to do some crack so this makes sense. Anyway, the forces of capitalism end up making a dirty joke because Cousin Mel wants to have sex with the rich guy. 40 more minutes...
So, generic Grandkid has a week to save Grandma. We get to see the Grandma murderer aka Santa. We then find out Grandma has been living in the North Pole with amnesia. So, Santa is just guilty of kidnapping and unlawful imprisonment. Anyway, Generic Grandkid goes to the North Pole after some crappy song. He finds Grandma and the forces of progress try to kidnap Grandma also. Despite a second showing of the attempted murder, we still don't get to see it and Santa gets arrested. Here's hoping for some justice. We get the forces of Progress dressing up like Carmen Mirannda singing about suing Santa. WTF? I don't remember taking any crack today... Anyway, Cousin Mel goes to where she has Grandma locked up and it's all incredibly stupid villain. She's already committing fraud. Might as well go for murder also. Anyway, the most hopeful kid ever convinces Grandma to eat some fruit cake and she gets her memory back. Case solved and Christmas is saved because apparently it can't happen without Santa. In the end, tradition and progress join together when Grandma franchises her store and we finally get to see Grandma get hit by the reindeer and it only took a freaking hour!!!
A Charlie Brown Christmas: It's the best Christmas special of all time! Who wouldn't love it? So, Ice Skating. Not much to really say. I'm reserving my really snarky comments for any of the other, sub-par Christmas specials. Seriously though, I've always wondered why everyone just hates Charlie Brown. I mean, he does mess up but he;s not the least likable Peanuts characters. You'd think everyone would hate Lucy who has few redeeming features. Hell, Peppermint Patty is more obnoxious. Maybe the Peanuts are just all self-absorbed and they hate the idea of there being a real voice of reason. Linus being a symbol of hope has to shame them into treating Charlie Brown like a real human being. Who knows? All I know is that I want to dance repetitively. So many of these characters just never appear again in here as well. Those dancing twins for example. But yeah, the scene with Linus explaining Christmas always warms my hear so it's all kind of worth it. Wish I could say more but there isn't really much more to say. This is just perfection Can't make fun of perfection.
Noted Commercials: Actually, I'm kind of sad. I don't think they run the Christmas Fruity Pebbles commercial anymore. It is incredibly sad for me because I wanted to see it this morning while I was eating my Fruity Pebbles. I remember when they had these awesome Christmas art on Cereal Boxes this time of the year. That always rocked. I would have eaten plain Bran Franks if it had a cartoon Santa on the front of it.
Late Christmas Ideas: A Cd to dance repetitively to would kind of rock. Just make sure it's not too gay. Maybe just some Jazz.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Dear god people in the sixties had no judgment? Fake trees? Maybe I just like the idea of sweeping up pine needles but silver Christmas trees just don't cut it for me. What's the spirit in it? Would you buy an Art Deco nativity scene? Dear god, do they make those? I didn't find one when I was googling so good. I do have some hope that Christmas is worth it. w00t for having some Holiday spirit!
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 8
Energy Drinks Left:4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being being out at 5 on Black Friday):3
The Christmas Experiment Hours 9+10
Who would have thought two hours of sleep would work wonders. I vaguely remember hearing something on the tv about classic toys and other crap. Yeah, boring.
The Christmas Experiment Hours 7+8
Viewing Thoughts:
Psych: Show about a guy who is observant but pretends to be psychic. Basically, he lives in a world where every real cop is a dumb ass so they need to bring in a fake. We get the Christmas episode where Psych gets to have dinner with his friend Gus's family and the mom is Clair Huxtable. I wish I was Gus right now just because, dude, it's Clair Huxtable. I would kill for the famous Clair Huxtable glance. Anyway, we get Clair giving people the glance as dinner as Psych pisses off Clair and her husband who I don't care about. Things go worse when they find a dead body. Anyway, people think that Claire's husband might have killed the dead guy. There's a subplot where hard ass detective goes to Christmas and is scared of snowglobes. Only interesting part involves the Wii rocking when he gives a bunch of kids one. It's stupid and doesn't involve Clair Huxtable.
Some non-Clair Huxtable related stuff happens involving yard work and real estate espionage. Eventually though, Clair gets arrested for murder also before giving the Snowglobe Fearer that famous stare. Yeah, it's Clair Huxtable. She probably killed the guy with one of her glares. She ends up crying because dead guy was blackmailing her because of some stupid boat shit. Gus grows a backbone and Clair looks vagely proud. Anyway, they find out dead guy was black mailing so maybe Calir was innocent. Clair smells some chicken and this puts an idea about some gardening chick and she killed people and Clair is free of all charges. I mean, she's Clair Huxtable, like there was doubt! The episode ends with Clair and the less important people lighting a tree. Some non-Clair stuff happens as Clair decides her radiance can not be suppressed any longer and decides to leave.
Extreme Christmas: Bigger and Brighter- So, we got some kind of decorating crap about people who over do decorating. All I got to say is that people decorate really garish, oh my god! I can see doing this sort of thing if you have a big yard but not if you live in a suburb! Dear god, I want to vandalize these people. The best part of this special is that the people doing this to their yards act like it's the battle between the US and the USSR during the cold war. Heh, unintentional pun. But seriously someone needs to stop these people. I mean, their electric bills alone must kill it all.
Noted Commercials: I saw a commercial for something called the Ab Rocket. Yeah, it looks special. Basically, it's people talking about the device with their shirts offf thinking it will distract us. Yeah right. I think all late night infomercial commercials must involve the word Ab in them. We got the Ab Rocker, Ab Rocket, Ab Buster, Ab Deflater, Ab Transcontinental Railroad, and Absolute Abba Abs.
Late Christmas Ideas: That Ab thing got me thinking. What I want to Absolutely Faboulous on dvd. Kidding.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: So, I am tired and I don't know what time I work on Wedensday. If I have to open, then this doesn't work. So, Will is going to sleep for like 3 or 4 hours. I'll be up just in time to watch A Very Brady Christmas. Yeah, that will be "fun".
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 9
Energy Drinks Left:4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Number of Times Clair Huxtable was mentions: 20
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being those people like pineapple in their potato salad): 3
Psych: Show about a guy who is observant but pretends to be psychic. Basically, he lives in a world where every real cop is a dumb ass so they need to bring in a fake. We get the Christmas episode where Psych gets to have dinner with his friend Gus's family and the mom is Clair Huxtable. I wish I was Gus right now just because, dude, it's Clair Huxtable. I would kill for the famous Clair Huxtable glance. Anyway, we get Clair giving people the glance as dinner as Psych pisses off Clair and her husband who I don't care about. Things go worse when they find a dead body. Anyway, people think that Claire's husband might have killed the dead guy. There's a subplot where hard ass detective goes to Christmas and is scared of snowglobes. Only interesting part involves the Wii rocking when he gives a bunch of kids one. It's stupid and doesn't involve Clair Huxtable.
Some non-Clair Huxtable related stuff happens involving yard work and real estate espionage. Eventually though, Clair gets arrested for murder also before giving the Snowglobe Fearer that famous stare. Yeah, it's Clair Huxtable. She probably killed the guy with one of her glares. She ends up crying because dead guy was blackmailing her because of some stupid boat shit. Gus grows a backbone and Clair looks vagely proud. Anyway, they find out dead guy was black mailing so maybe Calir was innocent. Clair smells some chicken and this puts an idea about some gardening chick and she killed people and Clair is free of all charges. I mean, she's Clair Huxtable, like there was doubt! The episode ends with Clair and the less important people lighting a tree. Some non-Clair stuff happens as Clair decides her radiance can not be suppressed any longer and decides to leave.
Extreme Christmas: Bigger and Brighter- So, we got some kind of decorating crap about people who over do decorating. All I got to say is that people decorate really garish, oh my god! I can see doing this sort of thing if you have a big yard but not if you live in a suburb! Dear god, I want to vandalize these people. The best part of this special is that the people doing this to their yards act like it's the battle between the US and the USSR during the cold war. Heh, unintentional pun. But seriously someone needs to stop these people. I mean, their electric bills alone must kill it all.
Noted Commercials: I saw a commercial for something called the Ab Rocket. Yeah, it looks special. Basically, it's people talking about the device with their shirts offf thinking it will distract us. Yeah right. I think all late night infomercial commercials must involve the word Ab in them. We got the Ab Rocker, Ab Rocket, Ab Buster, Ab Deflater, Ab Transcontinental Railroad, and Absolute Abba Abs.
Late Christmas Ideas: That Ab thing got me thinking. What I want to Absolutely Faboulous on dvd. Kidding.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: So, I am tired and I don't know what time I work on Wedensday. If I have to open, then this doesn't work. So, Will is going to sleep for like 3 or 4 hours. I'll be up just in time to watch A Very Brady Christmas. Yeah, that will be "fun".
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 9
Energy Drinks Left:4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Number of Times Clair Huxtable was mentions: 20
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being those people like pineapple in their potato salad): 3
The Christmas Experiment Hour 5+6
Viewing Thoughts: Once again, just tv shows right now.
Robot Chicken: Not much to say. Funny stuff and has anyone ever noiced in Christmas specials, Santa is incredibly prone to being helpless. Seriously, every christmas, The pole is under attack. Maybe Santa should take a few elves off making freaking toys and have them work on guard duty. Santa has magic powers so maybe also do some simple spells to do a magic barrier.
Stoker and Hootch: Dear god, that was stupid. The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future tried to kill Santa to rig lottery tickets. Yeah, I'm done with that crap.
Little House on the Prairie: Maybe the episode is a little long without commercials but everything was a little sped up. I was half expecting Benny Hill to chase around Laura and Mary, only Mary is blind at this point so Benny might catch a woman for once when Mary runs into a wall. Overall, this is a rather off-color episode. The one African American character in all of Walnut Grove, Hester, is expected to make coffee and then has to sing a spiritual for their entertainment. We then get treated to the Most Racially Incorrect Christmas ever. Hester's family speak like caricatures and we get incredibly unconvincing depictions of slave life. Basically, everyone is an equal except for Hester's family who live is slightly worse housing. Things get worse when the Ingals mom, Caroline, remembers a Christmas where she gets mad at her mom for getting married to some guy five minute after her dad dies. Then she's happy when New dad regifts a watch. Then it turns creepy and you can figure out why the mom seemed to be the most boring one. Then we get proof people we smaller back then when what seems like it could be only a few ffet of snow covers the entire Ingalls house.It's worth noting that Mary, the blind daughter, never reappears after this episode. Presumably, she realized that no one in her family could act and she was better off never listening to them anymore. Would say that she never saw them again but, well...
Late Christmas Ideas: A season set of Little House on the Prairie dvds so we can break them. Well, we'll also watch the episode where Mary's school for the blind burns down and some chick uses the baby as a battering ram to break a window. But the rest of the dvds break.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: So, what's up with the fact that parents lie about Santa Claus to their kids. I mean, what, do we really need to tell them that some flying fat guy will give them presents if they're good and coal if they're bad. For that matter, does any parent ever give their kid coal? I'd love to see if they do. Damn, it's a good thing I'm probably never having kids since if I did, I might give them coal or some other thing. Yeah, Will definitely better not have kids.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 10
Energy Drinks Left:4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Times I could Little House's sentimentality worth watching: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being The results of having to read Funky Winkerbean and only that for a month):5
Robot Chicken: Not much to say. Funny stuff and has anyone ever noiced in Christmas specials, Santa is incredibly prone to being helpless. Seriously, every christmas, The pole is under attack. Maybe Santa should take a few elves off making freaking toys and have them work on guard duty. Santa has magic powers so maybe also do some simple spells to do a magic barrier.
Stoker and Hootch: Dear god, that was stupid. The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future tried to kill Santa to rig lottery tickets. Yeah, I'm done with that crap.
Little House on the Prairie: Maybe the episode is a little long without commercials but everything was a little sped up. I was half expecting Benny Hill to chase around Laura and Mary, only Mary is blind at this point so Benny might catch a woman for once when Mary runs into a wall. Overall, this is a rather off-color episode. The one African American character in all of Walnut Grove, Hester, is expected to make coffee and then has to sing a spiritual for their entertainment. We then get treated to the Most Racially Incorrect Christmas ever. Hester's family speak like caricatures and we get incredibly unconvincing depictions of slave life. Basically, everyone is an equal except for Hester's family who live is slightly worse housing. Things get worse when the Ingals mom, Caroline, remembers a Christmas where she gets mad at her mom for getting married to some guy five minute after her dad dies. Then she's happy when New dad regifts a watch. Then it turns creepy and you can figure out why the mom seemed to be the most boring one. Then we get proof people we smaller back then when what seems like it could be only a few ffet of snow covers the entire Ingalls house.It's worth noting that Mary, the blind daughter, never reappears after this episode. Presumably, she realized that no one in her family could act and she was better off never listening to them anymore. Would say that she never saw them again but, well...
Late Christmas Ideas: A season set of Little House on the Prairie dvds so we can break them. Well, we'll also watch the episode where Mary's school for the blind burns down and some chick uses the baby as a battering ram to break a window. But the rest of the dvds break.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: So, what's up with the fact that parents lie about Santa Claus to their kids. I mean, what, do we really need to tell them that some flying fat guy will give them presents if they're good and coal if they're bad. For that matter, does any parent ever give their kid coal? I'd love to see if they do. Damn, it's a good thing I'm probably never having kids since if I did, I might give them coal or some other thing. Yeah, Will definitely better not have kids.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 10
Energy Drinks Left:4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Times I could Little House's sentimentality worth watching: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being The results of having to read Funky Winkerbean and only that for a month):5
The Christmas Experiment Hour s3+4
Viewing Thoughts: At this time, will goes to watching episodes of TV shows until another movie comes on. Bear with me. Things might be a little sporadic.
Batman The Animated Series: I'm watching the episode "Holiday Knights." Seriously, why can't all kids shows be this good? We start with a segment where Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, my favorite lesbian tinged villain duo, decide to make Bruce Wayne their boy toy for the night. The best part of Batman was the villains. This episode pretty much highlights why. There's also a segment with Clayface and Batgirl and then a Joker News Eve thing but the real reason to watch this is for Harley and Ivy. Here, I'll just post it for you all!
Futurama: I'm finding it's hard to comment on what's already funny so instead, I'll probably debate on what else to comment on. Note to self, watch less funny things from here on out or last ones that are also movies or something. This sucks. Is there anything sadder? Maybe drowning puppies but there would have to a lot of them. Instead, Christmas Song!
The Yule Log: This was the only thing I could find. I'm trying to figure out if they are actually filming the log burning or if they just filmed it for five seconds and just decided to loop it fr infinity. Okay, we got a log, some fire, and Christmas music. Wow, I hope they don't have too much of this at work tomorrow. Apparently, there are 12 days of Christmas and part of it involves the giving of birds and people enslaved to do a single task to your true love. Apparently she will treasure them and love you back. Apparently she is a dumb ass.
Noted Commercials: OH DEAR GOD!!! I've seen this commercial for The Foundation for A Bettetr Life fifty million times. Some chick is new to school and the popular gilds mock her until some random chick decides to talk to her. It seems like those commercials for the Church of Latter Day Saints they used to show. You know, the ones featuring random acts of kindess thinly veiled as a recruitment technique. So, way I see it, the girl is being nice while also secretly plotting to introduce her to her husband and make her the newest wife. It also has a terrible cover of Beautiful playing over it. It's just alll too horrible. Yes, I know I've went YouTube crazy in this post but I think I don't need to subject you guys to this.
Late Christmas Ideas: If you're shopping for Will, buy him something with Harley Quinn featured in it and he will be happy. Well, other than a Harley Quinn costume. Will doesn't do drag.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Dear god the television is dead during these hours. Who watches tv at this time? There aren't even that many repeats of classic holiday episodes of all the crappy sitcoms. I'm almost looking forward to Little House on the Prairie being on at 5 or so. I mean, those stripper commercials are getting as annoying as the Bride Recruitment ones. Is this where they dump these things?
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 10
Energy Drinks Left:4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being The Joker after being forced to listen to Happy Bubbles for a week straight):5
Batman The Animated Series: I'm watching the episode "Holiday Knights." Seriously, why can't all kids shows be this good? We start with a segment where Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, my favorite lesbian tinged villain duo, decide to make Bruce Wayne their boy toy for the night. The best part of Batman was the villains. This episode pretty much highlights why. There's also a segment with Clayface and Batgirl and then a Joker News Eve thing but the real reason to watch this is for Harley and Ivy. Here, I'll just post it for you all!
Futurama: I'm finding it's hard to comment on what's already funny so instead, I'll probably debate on what else to comment on. Note to self, watch less funny things from here on out or last ones that are also movies or something. This sucks. Is there anything sadder? Maybe drowning puppies but there would have to a lot of them. Instead, Christmas Song!
The Yule Log: This was the only thing I could find. I'm trying to figure out if they are actually filming the log burning or if they just filmed it for five seconds and just decided to loop it fr infinity. Okay, we got a log, some fire, and Christmas music. Wow, I hope they don't have too much of this at work tomorrow. Apparently, there are 12 days of Christmas and part of it involves the giving of birds and people enslaved to do a single task to your true love. Apparently she will treasure them and love you back. Apparently she is a dumb ass.
Noted Commercials: OH DEAR GOD!!! I've seen this commercial for The Foundation for A Bettetr Life fifty million times. Some chick is new to school and the popular gilds mock her until some random chick decides to talk to her. It seems like those commercials for the Church of Latter Day Saints they used to show. You know, the ones featuring random acts of kindess thinly veiled as a recruitment technique. So, way I see it, the girl is being nice while also secretly plotting to introduce her to her husband and make her the newest wife. It also has a terrible cover of Beautiful playing over it. It's just alll too horrible. Yes, I know I've went YouTube crazy in this post but I think I don't need to subject you guys to this.
Late Christmas Ideas: If you're shopping for Will, buy him something with Harley Quinn featured in it and he will be happy. Well, other than a Harley Quinn costume. Will doesn't do drag.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Dear god the television is dead during these hours. Who watches tv at this time? There aren't even that many repeats of classic holiday episodes of all the crappy sitcoms. I'm almost looking forward to Little House on the Prairie being on at 5 or so. I mean, those stripper commercials are getting as annoying as the Bride Recruitment ones. Is this where they dump these things?
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 10
Energy Drinks Left:4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Santiy Rating (1 being most sane, 10 being The Joker after being forced to listen to Happy Bubbles for a week straight):5
Christmas Experiment: Hour 1+2
Viewing Thoughts:So, here I am at the end of the first two hours. This isn't all bad. I watched that Hallmark of the holiday season: A Christmas Story. Didn't know it's based on a book. Might have to look for it! So, I'm going to count how many times they say, "You'll Shoot You Eye Out!" in the movie. The final tally is at the end of the post.
Anyway, really enjoying the movie and like every year, I'm getting nostalgic. Little Orphan Annie! So many years of packing changes! In the good old years, we had big crates and saw dust for packing. Now, plastic and foam. So boring. However, my favorite scenes are the school yard ones. I mean, the asignments really make me glad the public school system turned dumb. Oh dear god, they're forcing kids to read Silas Marner?!?!?! That is so fucked up! I could barely read that piece of crap when I was in tenth grade. I'd rather read Spanish VCR instructions than read that again. Theme writing? What the frak is that?
BTW, if anyone wants to know what to get me, get me one of those lamp in that movie. I also want a larger size of Ralphie's really gay cowboy outfit . Maybe just a pack of dogs that do my bidding. That works also. Speaking of Ralphie's Gay Cowboy Outfit, can I just say I think Ralphie is kind of gay? All of his fantasies feature kind of gay fantasies. Melodrama out the ass. Corny acting. Over the top costuming choices! Soap poisoning!!! It kind of reminds me of me. Plus, he listens to Little Orphan Annie. Might as well be Jem and the Holograms. It adds a whole new dimension to this coming of age film.
Finally, the ending. So poetic. He shot his eye out! Nexxt year, Will is getting Chinese for Christmas Dinner instead of going for Turkey and all the trimming stuff. It'll rock. Now the problem is finding on that will be open and delivers. Do Chinese places even deliver anymore? Who knows. Regardless, I have me a date with some orange chicken next year.
Noted Commercials: They're using the Little Mermaid to advocate cleaning up the ocean. I guess using mutated fish people is a good case. This is also a family film. Sure, it's being shown at midnight but it's still a family film. So, tell me, why am I seeing strippers in the middle of it? What are you going to tell all those kids up late at night watching this? "Oh, well, some ladies like taking off their clothes and making your daddy happy!"
Non-viewing thought: Why do Kids scream so much at Santa. It can't be that unpleasant? I mean, sure, I remember the time when I was 7 and Santa's lap was oddly uncomfortable. It happens. Just shows that I had a traumatic childhood. Still, it's just a guy in a red suit who breaks into your house every year and leaves presents and candy and conveys the message that not all strangers are bad and we should have taken candy from them all just to be safe. Don't want to offend the good ones because of a few bad apples.
The Tally
Cans of Mountain Dew Left: 11
Energy Drink Left: 4
"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" count: 12
Sanity Rating(1 being mostly sane, 10 being Liza Minelli "under the influence"): 2
Anyway, really enjoying the movie and like every year, I'm getting nostalgic. Little Orphan Annie! So many years of packing changes! In the good old years, we had big crates and saw dust for packing. Now, plastic and foam. So boring. However, my favorite scenes are the school yard ones. I mean, the asignments really make me glad the public school system turned dumb. Oh dear god, they're forcing kids to read Silas Marner?!?!?! That is so fucked up! I could barely read that piece of crap when I was in tenth grade. I'd rather read Spanish VCR instructions than read that again. Theme writing? What the frak is that?
BTW, if anyone wants to know what to get me, get me one of those lamp in that movie. I also want a larger size of Ralphie's really gay cowboy outfit . Maybe just a pack of dogs that do my bidding. That works also. Speaking of Ralphie's Gay Cowboy Outfit, can I just say I think Ralphie is kind of gay? All of his fantasies feature kind of gay fantasies. Melodrama out the ass. Corny acting. Over the top costuming choices! Soap poisoning!!! It kind of reminds me of me. Plus, he listens to Little Orphan Annie. Might as well be Jem and the Holograms. It adds a whole new dimension to this coming of age film.
Finally, the ending. So poetic. He shot his eye out! Nexxt year, Will is getting Chinese for Christmas Dinner instead of going for Turkey and all the trimming stuff. It'll rock. Now the problem is finding on that will be open and delivers. Do Chinese places even deliver anymore? Who knows. Regardless, I have me a date with some orange chicken next year.
Noted Commercials: They're using the Little Mermaid to advocate cleaning up the ocean. I guess using mutated fish people is a good case. This is also a family film. Sure, it's being shown at midnight but it's still a family film. So, tell me, why am I seeing strippers in the middle of it? What are you going to tell all those kids up late at night watching this? "Oh, well, some ladies like taking off their clothes and making your daddy happy!"
Non-viewing thought: Why do Kids scream so much at Santa. It can't be that unpleasant? I mean, sure, I remember the time when I was 7 and Santa's lap was oddly uncomfortable. It happens. Just shows that I had a traumatic childhood. Still, it's just a guy in a red suit who breaks into your house every year and leaves presents and candy and conveys the message that not all strangers are bad and we should have taken candy from them all just to be safe. Don't want to offend the good ones because of a few bad apples.
The Tally
Cans of Mountain Dew Left: 11
Energy Drink Left: 4
"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" count: 12
Sanity Rating(1 being mostly sane, 10 being Liza Minelli "under the influence"): 2
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas Experiment: Pre-Show
So, I have a plan for Christmas. I'm going to try to stay up for the entirety of the holiday and watch as much Christmas themed show and movies as possible. Sounds crazy, no? I have a twelve pack of Mountain Dew, some coffee, and, in case of emergency, four Tall Boys of the moutain dew energy drink. I figure if I can get to noon tomorrow, I'll be proud. Right now, I'm planning on updating every two hours or so with fresh insights and thought on what I've just watched. Who knows, could be fun!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Retool That Show Sunday
TV Show: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Original Premise: Buffy (Sarah Michelle Geller) is a vampire slayer. She slays vampires and make sarcastic comments about them. Also, just about every episode features Buffy fighting a monster that doubles as social commentary. There's the one where she gets drunk and turns into a caveBuffy and we all learn drinking is bad and leads to ugly hair. There's the one where a Mantis Woman kidnaps virgins and we learn that if we're promiscuous, then giant insects won't try to kill us. There's the episode where Buffy has sex and her boyfriend then proceeds to try to kill her for half a season and we learn that sometimes, it's better if we just masturbate. Anyway, the monsters are all just a metaphor for life and provide very good arguments for why we should all just become shut-ins.
New Premise: Buffy (Sarah Silverman) is a vampire slayer. Then, one day, she decides to become a stand up comedian. Now, she slays the crowds with her entourage fellow vampire hunters(Margaret Cho and Jimmy Fallon) as she travels the country telling jokes and fighting the undead masses and occasionally teaching us a valuable lesson about growing up. Watch out for the special episode where she encounters an evil witch (Roseanne Barr) uses her magic to turn people into hamburgers and we learn that food is good in moderation. Plus, watch as Buffy and the Master Vampire of the Comedy Circuit (Dane Cook) spar and eventually, in the two part season finale, hook up and fight Andrew Dice Clay as he tries to bring back gigantic shoulders!
Original Premise: Buffy (Sarah Michelle Geller) is a vampire slayer. She slays vampires and make sarcastic comments about them. Also, just about every episode features Buffy fighting a monster that doubles as social commentary. There's the one where she gets drunk and turns into a caveBuffy and we all learn drinking is bad and leads to ugly hair. There's the one where a Mantis Woman kidnaps virgins and we learn that if we're promiscuous, then giant insects won't try to kill us. There's the episode where Buffy has sex and her boyfriend then proceeds to try to kill her for half a season and we learn that sometimes, it's better if we just masturbate. Anyway, the monsters are all just a metaphor for life and provide very good arguments for why we should all just become shut-ins.
New Premise: Buffy (Sarah Silverman) is a vampire slayer. Then, one day, she decides to become a stand up comedian. Now, she slays the crowds with her entourage fellow vampire hunters(Margaret Cho and Jimmy Fallon) as she travels the country telling jokes and fighting the undead masses and occasionally teaching us a valuable lesson about growing up. Watch out for the special episode where she encounters an evil witch (Roseanne Barr) uses her magic to turn people into hamburgers and we learn that food is good in moderation. Plus, watch as Buffy and the Master Vampire of the Comedy Circuit (Dane Cook) spar and eventually, in the two part season finale, hook up and fight Andrew Dice Clay as he tries to bring back gigantic shoulders!
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