Viewing Thoughts:So, here I am at the end of the first two hours. This isn't all bad. I watched that Hallmark of the holiday season: A Christmas Story. Didn't know it's based on a book. Might have to look for it! So, I'm going to count how many times they say, "You'll Shoot You Eye Out!" in the movie. The final tally is at the end of the post.
Anyway, really enjoying the movie and like every year, I'm getting nostalgic. Little Orphan Annie! So many years of packing changes! In the good old years, we had big crates and saw dust for packing. Now, plastic and foam. So boring. However, my favorite scenes are the school yard ones. I mean, the asignments really make me glad the public school system turned dumb. Oh dear god, they're forcing kids to read Silas Marner?!?!?! That is so fucked up! I could barely read that piece of crap when I was in tenth grade. I'd rather read Spanish VCR instructions than read that again. Theme writing? What the frak is that?
BTW, if anyone wants to know what to get me, get me one of those lamp in that movie. I also want a larger size of Ralphie's really gay cowboy outfit . Maybe just a pack of dogs that do my bidding. That works also. Speaking of Ralphie's Gay Cowboy Outfit, can I just say I think Ralphie is kind of gay? All of his fantasies feature kind of gay fantasies. Melodrama out the ass. Corny acting. Over the top costuming choices! Soap poisoning!!! It kind of reminds me of me. Plus, he listens to Little Orphan Annie. Might as well be Jem and the Holograms. It adds a whole new dimension to this coming of age film.
Finally, the ending. So poetic. He shot his eye out! Nexxt year, Will is getting Chinese for Christmas Dinner instead of going for Turkey and all the trimming stuff. It'll rock. Now the problem is finding on that will be open and delivers. Do Chinese places even deliver anymore? Who knows. Regardless, I have me a date with some orange chicken next year.
Noted Commercials: They're using the Little Mermaid to advocate cleaning up the ocean. I guess using mutated fish people is a good case. This is also a family film. Sure, it's being shown at midnight but it's still a family film. So, tell me, why am I seeing strippers in the middle of it? What are you going to tell all those kids up late at night watching this? "Oh, well, some ladies like taking off their clothes and making your daddy happy!"
Non-viewing thought: Why do Kids scream so much at Santa. It can't be that unpleasant? I mean, sure, I remember the time when I was 7 and Santa's lap was oddly uncomfortable. It happens. Just shows that I had a traumatic childhood. Still, it's just a guy in a red suit who breaks into your house every year and leaves presents and candy and conveys the message that not all strangers are bad and we should have taken candy from them all just to be safe. Don't want to offend the good ones because of a few bad apples.
The Tally
Cans of Mountain Dew Left: 11
Energy Drink Left: 4
"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" count: 12
Sanity Rating(1 being mostly sane, 10 being Liza Minelli "under the influence"): 2
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