There isn't much thought to the color commentary. Woody from Toy Story is referred to as a Rock star. Yeah, it makes little to no sense to me. However, we get a preview of Toy Story 3. It's the same as the one that's been online so no changes. There's also the Up float which... okay, did we see a different movie because the movie was freaking depressing. I mean seriously depressing. Another reason Macy's is superior: It's doesn't stop for three minutes just so some Disney Channel personality with delusions of grandeur can butcher a wonderful Paul McCartney song (Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time). It's terrible, like Kids Bopz terrible. How can people clap for this crap?
Oh wait, here's the part I can love. The Disney Villain float. Really, they're the only part of this accursed thing that seems like it's not artificial. However, it doesn't stay with them for long until it hits Pirates of the Caribbean and we get more of Kelly Ripa reading off cue cards. I'm really phoning it in on this one but then again, I'm sure Kelly is also. She got a free vacation to Disney with the family. She's not going to complain. I'm sure Celine Dion isn't because there she is in this in what looks like someone wrapped her torso in blue packing paper and then sent her to Disney to be unwrapped. Oh dear god, no one unwrap Celine.
You know what would be awesome? Getting someone I'd heard of or don't detest to appear in this parade. I know disgruntled geeks are not Disney's current target audience (the fact that they figured no one would notice that they kinda plagiarized The Lion King from Kimba The White Lion shows that.) but even doing something like getting Paul McCartney.
So, we get to the Princess Portion. They kinda gloss over Belle which is kinda unforgivable. It's my favorite Disney film and it just disappears. I do like the New Orleans flapper style of The Princess and The Frog segment. I could see myself going to see this movie, I really could. Belle finally shows up but just for a second so we can get to Cheerleaders. If that wasn't horrific enough, Yanni shows up. Didn't this guy disappear in the early 90's? This is what I need after no sleep: Coma Inducing music. I need a soda to get through this.
So, next float involves people moving into the street and dancing including a very badly digitally inserted Kelly Ripa looking like a dead chicken having convulsions. We finally get someone worth while, Stevie Wonder. Only took an hour and a half. Stevie somehow increases the stock in this by like a hundred percent. Thank you Stevie. You made this entire parade tolerable. Chris Allen doesn't actually hurt things too much either. Samantha Brown then shows up to shill Disney Cruise Lines. I'll admit that some of this stuff looks like fun also if you have the crap load of money for it. That would be nice. Samantha is good at shilling. A cut back to Kelly Ripa tells us who isn't. One of the problems with Ripa is that she's mentioned her husband about 30 times. It's starting to get annoying. Every other word is Mark. It's all kinda sad. Then if it can't get worse, We are promised more Celine Dion. UGH!
To make matter worse, we have a legitimate chorus singing then Celine. Just so we can contrast what real Christmas music is with shrill pop Christmas Music. Thankfully, Celine is dressed like an adult now and wow, with a close up on Celine, she does not look 41. I mean, seriously, not even remotely. Anyway, that's enough of that. Let's watch some BBC Christmas specials.
Noted Commercials: There's a commercial for Disney's new service project with Taye Diggs and Miss Piggy. I'll admit, Taye Diggs is a very attractive chap. Miss Piggy is one of the great characters of all time. I would watch their Dinsey World vacation. I imagine it would be funny and romantic and then Idina Menzel would have a reason to show up and yeah, Idina Menzel, always worth having around. Why couldn't Idina be on the parade?
Dumb question: Why is The Bachelor still on?
Oh, and all the Lost Commercials with no new footage? Why do you mock me, ABC? WHY!?!?
Late Christmas Ideas: An all expense paid trip to Disney World would be nice. Please?
The Tally
Times I hit my head out of frustration: 17
Mountain Dews Left: 10
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being going to Disney during the off-season, 10 being there right now on Christmas): 7
No comments:
Post a Comment