The Christmas Experiment 2009: Hours 5 & 6

Viewing Thoughts: It's time for some sitcoms and a visit from one of our friends from a couple of years ago.

Three's Company: In your typical Christmas episode, hijinks ensue. John Ritter walks around with mistletoe on his head and gifts are unwrapped. Chrissy is bummed over not being home for Christmas so they throw a party until they find out their neighbors are having a better one they weren't invited to. Mrs. Roper invites them to her party, they accept, and then the neighbors call to invite them to their party. Cue mock concern.

For once, Chrissy is the voice of reason, stating that the menage had already made an engagement. I attempt to find any of this funny. Long story short, the Ropers bore them, the trio heads off to the other party, and they run into the Ropers who's invitations had also got lost in the mail and had been trying to run off the twin pregnancies waiting to happen. I could try to care but let me brutally honest, I would rather be watching Little House on the Prairie right now and that says something. It's not even ironically funny. Thank God for the Brady Bunch.

The Brady Bunch: I love the Brady Bunch Christmas episode. Carol and Alice are wrapping presents when Carol shows up, having lost her voice. I have a joke as to how that happened that I could make but this is a PG blog so I'll keep that to myself. Anyway, Carol's doctor says she won't recover in time to sing at Church, thus almost depriving us of finding out what branch the Brady's belong to. I would normally say it's some secretive cult dedicated to making large armies for God/wives for the leader. Anyway, the Brady's go to the mall and Cindy asks Santa to bring her mommy's voice back. Mike admonishes Santa for rasing little Cindy's hopes when they should be crushed at an early date so she doesn't mind having a sister-wives. Mike decides to crush little Cindy's hopes right away before they can grow but Cindy refuses to listen to reason. Lo and Behold, Cindy's faith in Santa is not unfounded, Carol gets her voice back, and we learn the very important lesson that Santa is in fact a deity capable of curing the sick. Yep, good job Brady Bunch, you taught us that our pagan gods can work as well as any other ones. Next week, Marcia seduces Davy Jones through her nice little altar to Baal.

In the B story, the kids get a tree and we get a nice little lesson about commercialism. The kids don't want to be materialistic because their mom is going to be sad. They just want to cancel Christmas all together. Alice shames them into going forward with the Holiday. It's kinda saying Christmas can come from a store, I guess. The one bright side is a brief scene of the Brady Kids all secretly trying to hide presents. Let's move on.

The Yule Log: For those of you unfamiliar with the Yule Log, it's basically just Christmas music playing while you watch a burning log in the fireplace. I am obviously not a pyro because staring at a burning log doesn't do much for me. It is slightly maddening thought.  It's enchanting. Look at the flames swirl. Not something to show a sleep deprived person. It will not end well, no, not at all. It makes me think of Fire... Oh my god, it was so quiet and then it got loud and had an ad for boots. I seriously jumped there but now I'm getting dreamy again. Oh snap.

Noted Commercials: In the Progressive auto ads with the perky claims specialist, one of three things come to mind. 1) The claims specialist is really fired up about her job. 2) She takes a lot of drugs. I mean A LOT of drugs. 3) She's very sarcastic and mocking all of the people buying from Progressive.

Late Christmas Ideas: Fire. I'd like some fire....

The Tally
Time I had a flashback of some kind watching the Yule Log: 7
Mountain Dews Left: 11
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being the average amount of holiday parties Will gets invited to, 10 being the amount of drinks I have to cover up the lack of invites): 6