Viewing Thoughts: I'm cheating. I popped National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation into the dvd player because I wanted to end tonight on a good night. To tell you the truth, of my four favorite holiday films, only one did I not watch today. This is still one of my favorites for the simple reason that it's all about one man's near single-minded drive for the perfect Christmas. There is no such things as the perfect Christmas. Many people hate it. I love Christmas myself, I just don't want to spend it with most of my family. There are a few family members I could spend it with but, over all, I want to have a great Christmas someday. I want to find some great guy, settle down, adopt a couple of kids possibly, and feel a little better about spending the holidays with the family.
There's a scene in Christmas Vacation where Clark sits in the attic watching home movies. This is what I'm trying to capture today: a sense of Nostalgia. At least half the things I watched today were things from my youth. I needed them to feel better. I'm at a point in my life where I'm unsure about the future so I prefer to look at the past to live with my present. Blogging makes my thoughts clearer. It makes me more likely to know what I'm going to do with my life so I can reflect on this all. I'm also able to tell the babble and say funny things on occasion. I wish life had more jokes. Then I'd have a reason to do something. I dunno, I got nothing.
The final reason I'm watching this movie is to pay tribute to a great man, John Hughes. While I didn't grow up as a teen in the eighties, I did watch his movies when I became one. They helped me form how I look at the world, Breakfast Club actually influencing the way I try to relate to people (forget the stereotypes, we're all people.) John Hushes has had a huge impact on me as a writer and a person and this is my way of coming to terms with his death. Mr. Hughes, you will be missed.
Merry Christmas, I'm going to take a shower then pass out for a long while. See you next week.
Late Christmas Ideas: A nice, long sleep. Wait, I get to give that to myself in about an hour. Fine, I'm still waiting on those moose goblets I asked for two years ago. I would so use them.
Final Tally:
Moutain Dews Consumed: 4
Amps Consumed: 1
Cups of Coffee: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being going to bed in a minute, 10 going downstairs and playing a video game) : 5
Friday, December 25, 2009
The Christmas Experiment 2009: Hours 21 & 22
Viewing Thoughts: So, Will is going to watch Undercover Christmas on Lifetime. Joy. Laughter. Children running in the streets at Rush Hour. We open on a waitress at some Christmas Themed Hooters bar. Apparently there's a market for this sort of thing. This being Lifetime (Television For Women) the waitress start out kinda selfish and becomes a woman scorned when her boyfriend refuses to take her home to Mom and Dad. As the waitress leaves, an FBI agent approaches her about the boyfriend being a con artist. We finally have a name for the waitress, Brandy O'Neil. The FBI agent's mom, played by Tyne Daly, sees him on tv, calls him and we get hammered home that Brandy and the workaholic FBI agent are going to end up together. Brandy, Jersey dame, gets put into witness protection with the FBI agent. In case you didn't already know, FBI man loves his work and his name is Jake. Brandy, being on Lifetime, is empowered by her desire to live it up rich and skanky. Jake's dad has a heart attack so they end up hiding out there. Anyone else see that coming? Anyone?
Brandy and mom hit if off with mom being revealed to be an alcoholic of the comical kind. Mom faked the heart attack to get her son home and then she uses emotional blackmail to keep them there. This is already better than A Smoky Mountain Christmas. Mom think they're sleeping together so insists on the two sharing a room. Seriously, this is already so much better. After leaving them, Mom wakes up her daughter to tell her that Brandy is a predator. Did I miss a crossover?
So, Brandy and Jake bond as Will once again realized he's reviewing something he falls out of the Target Audience for. Brandy has been getting cross-examined by the family who are all made out of solid ice. That's at least what it seems like to me. They seem to be very career driven and why do I feel like having Brandy around is going to thaw them out. Nice Ashley is the first to connect, confessing a crush. Daughter and Mom connect and talk about Brandy only wanting money etc. This being Lifetime, we now get the speech about empowerment. Brandy has been alone since 15 and apprently was a runaway.I figured out the problem with the family: They're WASPs and Brandy is now just messing with them at this point. She hits on Jake, they talk some more and Mom and Brandy connect thought baking and make-overs.
At this point, I want to make up an ending for the movie. The mob shows up to the big party. They kill all the guests. Will gets to watch something else. Unluckily, this is not to be. A pity. Instead, we get a rather predictable formula.Yuppies meet.Brandy is wearing an... interesting dress. I don't know what to think of it except that she should be trying to drink the blood of the guests. Ooooh, Christmas Vampires. They suck your blood under the mistletoe. Anyway, turns out the mob boyfriend's lawyer is at the party and tells the father. We have a big confrontation scene and Dad wants Jake and Brandy out of the house. Instead, they are to stay for Christmas. Mom and Dad argue and Mom says she doesn't love him. Being a WASP he shows on emotion. Maybe there are Christmas Vampires here. Oooh, now I get to go to my better movie world.
So, Jake and Brandy fight, the Niece yells that Jake messed it all up, and Jake admits to being in love with Brandy. This being Lifetime and no true life sticker being put on it, this is believable. Instead, we have women blaming their mothers, ugly phones, and no Christmas Vampires. Seriously, the only way to kill them is with symbols of the holidays. They're allied with the Hanukkah Zombies and the mortal enemies of the Easter Werewolves. It'll be awesome.
It's Christmas morning. These beings WASPS, they get happy about relaxation pillows, drink coffee, and think that Christmas Sweaters are a good gift. I dunno. The ugly sweater with bells on it are kinda awesome in the one point where I laugh. Brandy puts on the sweater and exchanges one of her gifts for one. She then shakes her... talent... at Jake.
They start to leave and argue. Jake goes back to apologize for his mother. Dad is still being a Grinch regardless. Brandy wishes everyone a Happy New Year. She and Jake leave and the Christmas Vampires eat the entire WASP family. I'm just kidding. They just wave back. I'm waiting for the scene in a minute where Brandy gets kidnapped or Jake get kidnapped. It's coming any second now. Unluckily, it's not soon enough. Figures. Instead, first we get a scene between Brandy and her phone mom that is borderline stupid. She gets her Hotel room, Jake gets a separate one, the Christmas Vampires are down the hallway, and Brandy, being an idiot, just opens the door when the evil boyfriend shows up with gifts.
Evil Boyfriend tries to bribe Brandy. Brandy has been changed by the family and become straight edge and loves the new family Jake introduced her to. The guy is also wearing a Blue Leather Jacket. Ewww. Jake and Brandy talk, it's kinda stupid so I'm going to make up a different scene. The Christmas Vampires fight the mob Then the St. Partick's Day Demons and the Thanksgiving Brownies fight them with the help of the Fourth of July Cyborgs. Point is that Brandy is torn, unluckily not apart but emotionally. However, this is Lifetime SO, the family shows up, there's some fakey tension as to whether or not Brandy is going to testify (she does), and Brandy, Jake, and his family all get together and she takes Jake to meet her family: The Grand Court of Christmas Vampires. (I might have been making up that last part.)
Notable Commercials and Late Christmas Ideas: I miss Lego. There was a Lego commercial and I got to say, I want to buy some Legos just so I can build something. I kinda want to go out and buy one of those huge Lego sets just to build it.
The Tally
Number of Time Christmas Vampires could have saved this movie: 14
Mountain Dews Left: 8
Energy Drinks Left: 3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 most guys, 10 being someone who can get surprised by the twists in a Lifetime Movie.): 6
Brandy and mom hit if off with mom being revealed to be an alcoholic of the comical kind. Mom faked the heart attack to get her son home and then she uses emotional blackmail to keep them there. This is already better than A Smoky Mountain Christmas. Mom think they're sleeping together so insists on the two sharing a room. Seriously, this is already so much better. After leaving them, Mom wakes up her daughter to tell her that Brandy is a predator. Did I miss a crossover?
So, Brandy and Jake bond as Will once again realized he's reviewing something he falls out of the Target Audience for. Brandy has been getting cross-examined by the family who are all made out of solid ice. That's at least what it seems like to me. They seem to be very career driven and why do I feel like having Brandy around is going to thaw them out. Nice Ashley is the first to connect, confessing a crush. Daughter and Mom connect and talk about Brandy only wanting money etc. This being Lifetime, we now get the speech about empowerment. Brandy has been alone since 15 and apprently was a runaway.I figured out the problem with the family: They're WASPs and Brandy is now just messing with them at this point. She hits on Jake, they talk some more and Mom and Brandy connect thought baking and make-overs.
At this point, I want to make up an ending for the movie. The mob shows up to the big party. They kill all the guests. Will gets to watch something else. Unluckily, this is not to be. A pity. Instead, we get a rather predictable formula.Yuppies meet.Brandy is wearing an... interesting dress. I don't know what to think of it except that she should be trying to drink the blood of the guests. Ooooh, Christmas Vampires. They suck your blood under the mistletoe. Anyway, turns out the mob boyfriend's lawyer is at the party and tells the father. We have a big confrontation scene and Dad wants Jake and Brandy out of the house. Instead, they are to stay for Christmas. Mom and Dad argue and Mom says she doesn't love him. Being a WASP he shows on emotion. Maybe there are Christmas Vampires here. Oooh, now I get to go to my better movie world.
So, Jake and Brandy fight, the Niece yells that Jake messed it all up, and Jake admits to being in love with Brandy. This being Lifetime and no true life sticker being put on it, this is believable. Instead, we have women blaming their mothers, ugly phones, and no Christmas Vampires. Seriously, the only way to kill them is with symbols of the holidays. They're allied with the Hanukkah Zombies and the mortal enemies of the Easter Werewolves. It'll be awesome.
It's Christmas morning. These beings WASPS, they get happy about relaxation pillows, drink coffee, and think that Christmas Sweaters are a good gift. I dunno. The ugly sweater with bells on it are kinda awesome in the one point where I laugh. Brandy puts on the sweater and exchanges one of her gifts for one. She then shakes her... talent... at Jake.
They start to leave and argue. Jake goes back to apologize for his mother. Dad is still being a Grinch regardless. Brandy wishes everyone a Happy New Year. She and Jake leave and the Christmas Vampires eat the entire WASP family. I'm just kidding. They just wave back. I'm waiting for the scene in a minute where Brandy gets kidnapped or Jake get kidnapped. It's coming any second now. Unluckily, it's not soon enough. Figures. Instead, first we get a scene between Brandy and her phone mom that is borderline stupid. She gets her Hotel room, Jake gets a separate one, the Christmas Vampires are down the hallway, and Brandy, being an idiot, just opens the door when the evil boyfriend shows up with gifts.
Evil Boyfriend tries to bribe Brandy. Brandy has been changed by the family and become straight edge and loves the new family Jake introduced her to. The guy is also wearing a Blue Leather Jacket. Ewww. Jake and Brandy talk, it's kinda stupid so I'm going to make up a different scene. The Christmas Vampires fight the mob Then the St. Partick's Day Demons and the Thanksgiving Brownies fight them with the help of the Fourth of July Cyborgs. Point is that Brandy is torn, unluckily not apart but emotionally. However, this is Lifetime SO, the family shows up, there's some fakey tension as to whether or not Brandy is going to testify (she does), and Brandy, Jake, and his family all get together and she takes Jake to meet her family: The Grand Court of Christmas Vampires. (I might have been making up that last part.)
Notable Commercials and Late Christmas Ideas: I miss Lego. There was a Lego commercial and I got to say, I want to buy some Legos just so I can build something. I kinda want to go out and buy one of those huge Lego sets just to build it.
The Tally
Number of Time Christmas Vampires could have saved this movie: 14
Mountain Dews Left: 8
Energy Drinks Left: 3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 most guys, 10 being someone who can get surprised by the twists in a Lifetime Movie.): 6
The Christmas Experiment 2009: Hours 19 & 20
Viewing Thoughts: This post might run short so since I might take some time out to watch The Doctor Who Christmas special and my particular reviewing style doesn't allow me to become completely engrossed like I will with the Doctor.
There are some good Rankin-Bass specials. Santa Claus is Coming to Town isn't quite one of them. It is by no means terribble, but it just isn't good enough to be part of the yearly rotation. It's basicall Santa Claus's secret origin as told by a mail man. It does have Fred Astaire as the mail man who provides our framing story. There's even a bit of awesome continuity with Mickey Rooney as the voice of Santa Claus as in The Year Without Santa Claus. Anyway, it beings with an evil German being responsible for all of troubles of a town. Animals rescue baby Santa and they drop him off with an elf named Dingle Kringle. I wish I could make this up. His nearly identical brothers show up. They all have squeaky voices that make me want stick rusty nails in my ears.
Like all origin stories of mythological figures, this one runs into some problems, namely adding extra characters with no use.In this case, we got the Kringles, the Evil German, and the Winter Warlock. Then we have, "How did they get his costume?" In this case, once he's older, Kris gets given the costume and some stupid kid says, "That's how he got the red suit."
One of the problems with this one is that the animation is even more stilted than usual. Some of the mouths barely move, The kids who are supposed to be sad just look dead eyed. Actually, no one shows all that much emotion. That is the problem with stop motion animation. The faces, if not done well, don't show much emotion. When done right though, it rocks. Anyway, the Evil German outlaws toys, Kris gets run out of town and the Winter Warlock gets thawed out by getting a toy. It's kinda sentimental but not really at the same time. He gets a song and seems to be the only good figure in the special. Anyway, apparently Santa gives gifts at night to escape the evil German's forces and he goes in through the chimney because all the doors would be locked. Yeah, I don't much get it either. Kringle gets captured. Evil German burns the toys in front the children and this has somehow become a Nazi metaphor. So, the Kringles all escape with magic feed corn.
Yeah... I can't continue. This is terrible. Kids pipe in annoyingly for the rest, the evil German is defeated by old age. Seriously, we get little resolution outside of Santa just outlives the Evil German. I'm just sick of this special and let's watch something worse to dull the pain.
Doctor Who: Holy Crap...
Notable Commercials: James Cameron must have been hard up on money to sell out Avatar as much as he has. This is why I refuse to see the movie. If something is this good, it shouldn't need this much commercialization or a sandwich at McDonald's.
Late Christmas Ideas: I... I don't have words for... Sorry, I think that may be one of the better Doctor Who Christmas Specials.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 9
Energy Drinks Left: 3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being most people, 10 being your average Doctor Who 2-Parter): 6
There are some good Rankin-Bass specials. Santa Claus is Coming to Town isn't quite one of them. It is by no means terribble, but it just isn't good enough to be part of the yearly rotation. It's basicall Santa Claus's secret origin as told by a mail man. It does have Fred Astaire as the mail man who provides our framing story. There's even a bit of awesome continuity with Mickey Rooney as the voice of Santa Claus as in The Year Without Santa Claus. Anyway, it beings with an evil German being responsible for all of troubles of a town. Animals rescue baby Santa and they drop him off with an elf named Dingle Kringle. I wish I could make this up. His nearly identical brothers show up. They all have squeaky voices that make me want stick rusty nails in my ears.
Like all origin stories of mythological figures, this one runs into some problems, namely adding extra characters with no use.In this case, we got the Kringles, the Evil German, and the Winter Warlock. Then we have, "How did they get his costume?" In this case, once he's older, Kris gets given the costume and some stupid kid says, "That's how he got the red suit."
One of the problems with this one is that the animation is even more stilted than usual. Some of the mouths barely move, The kids who are supposed to be sad just look dead eyed. Actually, no one shows all that much emotion. That is the problem with stop motion animation. The faces, if not done well, don't show much emotion. When done right though, it rocks. Anyway, the Evil German outlaws toys, Kris gets run out of town and the Winter Warlock gets thawed out by getting a toy. It's kinda sentimental but not really at the same time. He gets a song and seems to be the only good figure in the special. Anyway, apparently Santa gives gifts at night to escape the evil German's forces and he goes in through the chimney because all the doors would be locked. Yeah, I don't much get it either. Kringle gets captured. Evil German burns the toys in front the children and this has somehow become a Nazi metaphor. So, the Kringles all escape with magic feed corn.
Yeah... I can't continue. This is terrible. Kids pipe in annoyingly for the rest, the evil German is defeated by old age. Seriously, we get little resolution outside of Santa just outlives the Evil German. I'm just sick of this special and let's watch something worse to dull the pain.
Doctor Who: Holy Crap...
Notable Commercials: James Cameron must have been hard up on money to sell out Avatar as much as he has. This is why I refuse to see the movie. If something is this good, it shouldn't need this much commercialization or a sandwich at McDonald's.
Late Christmas Ideas: I... I don't have words for... Sorry, I think that may be one of the better Doctor Who Christmas Specials.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 9
Energy Drinks Left: 3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being most people, 10 being your average Doctor Who 2-Parter): 6
The Christmas Experiment 2009: Hours 17 & 18
Viewing Thoughts: Let's see how random we can get, shall we?
iCarly: Well, this might be the true nadir of the day. I am vaguely knowledgeable about what this show is. Basically, kid has a web show she tapes in her attic. It's not good by any stretch of the imagination In the opening alone, she subjects one her friends to playing a flashlight. She goes downstairs and her brother made an electromagnetic Christmas tree. He is kinda awesome. I wish I had an older brother like that. For Carly, this isn't good enough. Also, apparently Carly's blond friend is a bitch. She has nothing better to do than antagonize Carly's male, possibly gay friend. The awesome tree burst into flames, burning the presents. Carly wishes her brother was normal and... yeah, a George Bailey is happening only Clarence is a midget.Yeah, this isn't going to stop hurting, is it?
So, wish is granted, Carly's apartment is normal, brother is dating a cougar which apparently passes for normal is this weird world, and Carly goes to school. Oh, and Carly's gay friend Freddy is in a closeted relationship with a mega bitch. Oh, and Carly is dating some... I dunno what. Apparently I would get it if I watched this show on a regular basis. Oh, and the studio doesn't exist anymore because her brother isn't weird. So, even though Carly has learned her lesson, it can't be reversed until the angel gets it's wings and the bitchy friend, Sam, is in juvey. Someone decided that juvey is just like prison. Carly regains Sam's trust by knowing too much stuff. I will admit though, wanting to become an invisibly ninja is cool. Oh, and I change my mind. Carly's alternate reality boyfriend is uber-gay. Carly has a nervous breakdown and proves herself to be a bitch ("I want my brother back." "I want you to be single and lonely." "I want you to leave the country." "Nobody even likes you.") and thankfully, this is the clincher to righting reality.Carly realizes her brother is the only one on this show other than kinda bitchy girl that counts as a functional human being that I would ever hand out with. Everything is right and apparently angels get their powers from Chicken wings. Yeah, the angel did it all for a large plate of Buffalo wings. That was pointless. Then they mock A Charlie Brown Christmas by doing the humming at the tree thing. Yeah... really? This show sucks. The only redeeming feature is Sam The Bitchy Chick. Without her, I probably would have ran for the hills about the time it turned into It's a Wonderful Life. For that matter, anyone notice that any of these shows that happen with that scenario, the character who it happens to has never seen that crappy movie?
The Year Without Santa Claus: This is one my favorites. I always loved the Rankin-Bass stop motion specials. There's just something about it that gives it more charm than many of the others. Maybe it Snow and Heat Miser. Maybe it's because Mrs. Claus gets to do something. I dunno, but it gets me. Plus the voice acting is first rate including Mickey Rooney as Santa Claus. Mind you most of the songs aren't very memorable with the exception of the Miser Brother's songs. Those are the most remarkable character in the special really. The two elves, Jingle and Jangle, are kinda bland. Next time you watch this special though, pay attention. During a song at about the halfway point, Charlie Chaplin is in the background.
The Miser Brothers are definitely the stars of this special. They also apparently have cloned themselves some mini-mes because both brothers minions are the splitting images of themselves and they all have dancing lessons. I think the Miser Brothers might be gay. Hear me out here. They're momma's boys both, something of a stereotype back in the day. To top matters, both brothers are a little fey. It pretty much all adds up to one thing: Snow Miser is Camp Gay while Heat Miser is a Bear. It all makes sense.
Notable Commercials: Remember when the Wilson Brothers were both notable actors? Yeah, now we have Luke mostly just appearing in commercials for AT&T. It's kinda sad when a celebrity falls into this state. At least when Catherine Zeta-Jones did it, it was because she was already in the contract and was just a spokewoman. Luke, Luke is just kinda there, doing it because it's there as an offer.
I hate this Brittney Spears perfume commercial. It might be the attempts to be arty, most likely it's the fact that she gets hit with an arrow and survives.
Late Christmas Ideas: Outside of a vacation, I want my very own song and dance number. Hmmmm, that might be in the works if I can get my hand on a camera.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 9
Energy Drinks Left: 3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being a normal child, 10 being one who has stared into the Deadlights): 6
iCarly: Well, this might be the true nadir of the day. I am vaguely knowledgeable about what this show is. Basically, kid has a web show she tapes in her attic. It's not good by any stretch of the imagination In the opening alone, she subjects one her friends to playing a flashlight. She goes downstairs and her brother made an electromagnetic Christmas tree. He is kinda awesome. I wish I had an older brother like that. For Carly, this isn't good enough. Also, apparently Carly's blond friend is a bitch. She has nothing better to do than antagonize Carly's male, possibly gay friend. The awesome tree burst into flames, burning the presents. Carly wishes her brother was normal and... yeah, a George Bailey is happening only Clarence is a midget.Yeah, this isn't going to stop hurting, is it?
So, wish is granted, Carly's apartment is normal, brother is dating a cougar which apparently passes for normal is this weird world, and Carly goes to school. Oh, and Carly's gay friend Freddy is in a closeted relationship with a mega bitch. Oh, and Carly is dating some... I dunno what. Apparently I would get it if I watched this show on a regular basis. Oh, and the studio doesn't exist anymore because her brother isn't weird. So, even though Carly has learned her lesson, it can't be reversed until the angel gets it's wings and the bitchy friend, Sam, is in juvey. Someone decided that juvey is just like prison. Carly regains Sam's trust by knowing too much stuff. I will admit though, wanting to become an invisibly ninja is cool. Oh, and I change my mind. Carly's alternate reality boyfriend is uber-gay. Carly has a nervous breakdown and proves herself to be a bitch ("I want my brother back." "I want you to be single and lonely." "I want you to leave the country." "Nobody even likes you.") and thankfully, this is the clincher to righting reality.Carly realizes her brother is the only one on this show other than kinda bitchy girl that counts as a functional human being that I would ever hand out with. Everything is right and apparently angels get their powers from Chicken wings. Yeah, the angel did it all for a large plate of Buffalo wings. That was pointless. Then they mock A Charlie Brown Christmas by doing the humming at the tree thing. Yeah... really? This show sucks. The only redeeming feature is Sam The Bitchy Chick. Without her, I probably would have ran for the hills about the time it turned into It's a Wonderful Life. For that matter, anyone notice that any of these shows that happen with that scenario, the character who it happens to has never seen that crappy movie?
The Year Without Santa Claus: This is one my favorites. I always loved the Rankin-Bass stop motion specials. There's just something about it that gives it more charm than many of the others. Maybe it Snow and Heat Miser. Maybe it's because Mrs. Claus gets to do something. I dunno, but it gets me. Plus the voice acting is first rate including Mickey Rooney as Santa Claus. Mind you most of the songs aren't very memorable with the exception of the Miser Brother's songs. Those are the most remarkable character in the special really. The two elves, Jingle and Jangle, are kinda bland. Next time you watch this special though, pay attention. During a song at about the halfway point, Charlie Chaplin is in the background.
The Miser Brothers are definitely the stars of this special. They also apparently have cloned themselves some mini-mes because both brothers minions are the splitting images of themselves and they all have dancing lessons. I think the Miser Brothers might be gay. Hear me out here. They're momma's boys both, something of a stereotype back in the day. To top matters, both brothers are a little fey. It pretty much all adds up to one thing: Snow Miser is Camp Gay while Heat Miser is a Bear. It all makes sense.
Notable Commercials: Remember when the Wilson Brothers were both notable actors? Yeah, now we have Luke mostly just appearing in commercials for AT&T. It's kinda sad when a celebrity falls into this state. At least when Catherine Zeta-Jones did it, it was because she was already in the contract and was just a spokewoman. Luke, Luke is just kinda there, doing it because it's there as an offer.
I hate this Brittney Spears perfume commercial. It might be the attempts to be arty, most likely it's the fact that she gets hit with an arrow and survives.
Late Christmas Ideas: Outside of a vacation, I want my very own song and dance number. Hmmmm, that might be in the works if I can get my hand on a camera.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 9
Energy Drinks Left: 3
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being a normal child, 10 being one who has stared into the Deadlights): 6
The Christmas Experiment 2009: Hours 15 & 16
Viewing Thoughts: Had a pretty good lunch. Roommate Pickett wants to go to China Garden for dinner. I might join him if the mood strikes me in which case, there will be an hour lull in the action. It happens.Since I spent a fair amount of time on Dinner and most of that was spent eating with Pickett watching DS9, I'm not covering a lot this hour. Oh well.
A Charlie Brown Christmas: The King of all Christmas Specials. There is so much to be seen in this yearly wonder. It's one of the only ones not afraid to deal with the taboo subject of religion. That is one of the things I love about it. Religion is a major part of the holiday and it is kinda one of the ones that always gets left out. Still, that's not the most important part. Most important part is the heart of the story. Charlie Brown is everyone at some point in their lives. He takes the collective martyrdom of the Peanuts for them. Sometimes Linus does take some grief but it's just a brief reprise for Good Ol' Charlie Brown. A lot that I have to say can be summed up by the other commentary I've made on this special.
Notable Commercials: I love the old Hershey's Kisses ad with the bells. There's something so classic and awesome to it. There is not a level where it doesn't rock.
Late Christmas Ideas: More hours in a day. Wouldn't mind a few more of those just so I can get something done.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 9
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being a normal human being, 10 being Charlie Brown after being forced to take too much crap): 3
A Charlie Brown Christmas: The King of all Christmas Specials. There is so much to be seen in this yearly wonder. It's one of the only ones not afraid to deal with the taboo subject of religion. That is one of the things I love about it. Religion is a major part of the holiday and it is kinda one of the ones that always gets left out. Still, that's not the most important part. Most important part is the heart of the story. Charlie Brown is everyone at some point in their lives. He takes the collective martyrdom of the Peanuts for them. Sometimes Linus does take some grief but it's just a brief reprise for Good Ol' Charlie Brown. A lot that I have to say can be summed up by the other commentary I've made on this special.
Notable Commercials: I love the old Hershey's Kisses ad with the bells. There's something so classic and awesome to it. There is not a level where it doesn't rock.
Late Christmas Ideas: More hours in a day. Wouldn't mind a few more of those just so I can get something done.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 9
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being a normal human being, 10 being Charlie Brown after being forced to take too much crap): 3
The Christmas Experiment 2009: Hours 13 & 14
Viewing Thoughts: Let's watch a couple of BBC Christmas Specials. I just missed Black Adder unluckily but let's go with what we can get.
The Catherine Tate Christmas Show 2: I watched this last night but it's kinda funny at times. Some of the humor is kinda British so it's occasionally hard to get as an American. It happens, it sometimes sucks to be a Yank. The problem with a sketch show is that it's hard to follow sometimes as far as a blog goes so I don't think I'm going to try. I'm mainly doing this to have a bit of break. But here's my thoughts on the Queen's Christmas message.
Queen Elizabeth's Christmas Message: We start with a shot of Buckingham Palace. The queen walks, greeting people in various dresses and hats of different colors, looking striking for a woman of her age. The Queen talks about the deaths in Afghanistan, gives her well wishes to the casualties, and then continues to talk about the British Commonwealth. Basically people talking about Unity between the various countries involved. I think Lizzy looks better with her glasses than without. Apparently the commonwealth is important and finally, she wishes us a Happy Christmas.
Are You Being Served?: This is the 1975 Christmas Special. The show, for those unfamiliar, takes place in a London Department store. The staff has to dress up in costumes for Christmas. First they have Christmas Lunch, an embarrsingly small bird, the Christmas pudding goes up in flames, and... yeah, I'm running into the same problem as with Three's Company earlier. I can't really say much about it. I'll just remember this next year.
Late Christmas Ideas: I wouldn't mind a device for Time Travel. That way I could have thought better of providing commentary on British Television. Either that or some crackers. That would be rather fun. Hmmm, I think I'll buy some for next year's Thanksmas dinner.
Notable Commercials: What is it with me having the telly on and the people advertising something I really want to watch and am keenly anticipating. This time, It's the Doctor Who Christmas Special. Only a few hours to go.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 10
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being most Time Lords, 10 being the Master): 4
The Catherine Tate Christmas Show 2: I watched this last night but it's kinda funny at times. Some of the humor is kinda British so it's occasionally hard to get as an American. It happens, it sometimes sucks to be a Yank. The problem with a sketch show is that it's hard to follow sometimes as far as a blog goes so I don't think I'm going to try. I'm mainly doing this to have a bit of break. But here's my thoughts on the Queen's Christmas message.
Queen Elizabeth's Christmas Message: We start with a shot of Buckingham Palace. The queen walks, greeting people in various dresses and hats of different colors, looking striking for a woman of her age. The Queen talks about the deaths in Afghanistan, gives her well wishes to the casualties, and then continues to talk about the British Commonwealth. Basically people talking about Unity between the various countries involved. I think Lizzy looks better with her glasses than without. Apparently the commonwealth is important and finally, she wishes us a Happy Christmas.
Are You Being Served?: This is the 1975 Christmas Special. The show, for those unfamiliar, takes place in a London Department store. The staff has to dress up in costumes for Christmas. First they have Christmas Lunch, an embarrsingly small bird, the Christmas pudding goes up in flames, and... yeah, I'm running into the same problem as with Three's Company earlier. I can't really say much about it. I'll just remember this next year.
Late Christmas Ideas: I wouldn't mind a device for Time Travel. That way I could have thought better of providing commentary on British Television. Either that or some crackers. That would be rather fun. Hmmm, I think I'll buy some for next year's Thanksmas dinner.
Notable Commercials: What is it with me having the telly on and the people advertising something I really want to watch and am keenly anticipating. This time, It's the Doctor Who Christmas Special. Only a few hours to go.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 10
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being most Time Lords, 10 being the Master): 4
The Christmas Experiment 2009: Hours 11 & 12
Viewing Thoughts: Kelly Ripa is hosting the Disney Christmas Day Parade with Nick Cannon and then there are the Jonas Brothers. Ugh, I don't care much for the Jonas Brothers. There is no reason all these tween girls should be moshing. NO REASON! It's inoffensive music created by committee. Kelly tires to make us believe that the obviously choreographed actions going on are impromptu. Nice try. She goes over to a midget Ryan Seacrest. Right away, I see why Macy's is better, it's a conglomeration of products as opposed to one collective image. No chance of getting Rick-Rolled here.
There isn't much thought to the color commentary. Woody from Toy Story is referred to as a Rock star. Yeah, it makes little to no sense to me. However, we get a preview of Toy Story 3. It's the same as the one that's been online so no changes. There's also the Up float which... okay, did we see a different movie because the movie was freaking depressing. I mean seriously depressing. Another reason Macy's is superior: It's doesn't stop for three minutes just so some Disney Channel personality with delusions of grandeur can butcher a wonderful Paul McCartney song (Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time). It's terrible, like Kids Bopz terrible. How can people clap for this crap?
Oh wait, here's the part I can love. The Disney Villain float. Really, they're the only part of this accursed thing that seems like it's not artificial. However, it doesn't stay with them for long until it hits Pirates of the Caribbean and we get more of Kelly Ripa reading off cue cards. I'm really phoning it in on this one but then again, I'm sure Kelly is also. She got a free vacation to Disney with the family. She's not going to complain. I'm sure Celine Dion isn't because there she is in this in what looks like someone wrapped her torso in blue packing paper and then sent her to Disney to be unwrapped. Oh dear god, no one unwrap Celine.
You know what would be awesome? Getting someone I'd heard of or don't detest to appear in this parade. I know disgruntled geeks are not Disney's current target audience (the fact that they figured no one would notice that they kinda plagiarized The Lion King from Kimba The White Lion shows that.) but even doing something like getting Paul McCartney.
So, we get to the Princess Portion. They kinda gloss over Belle which is kinda unforgivable. It's my favorite Disney film and it just disappears. I do like the New Orleans flapper style of The Princess and The Frog segment. I could see myself going to see this movie, I really could. Belle finally shows up but just for a second so we can get to Cheerleaders. If that wasn't horrific enough, Yanni shows up. Didn't this guy disappear in the early 90's? This is what I need after no sleep: Coma Inducing music. I need a soda to get through this.
So, next float involves people moving into the street and dancing including a very badly digitally inserted Kelly Ripa looking like a dead chicken having convulsions. We finally get someone worth while, Stevie Wonder. Only took an hour and a half. Stevie somehow increases the stock in this by like a hundred percent. Thank you Stevie. You made this entire parade tolerable. Chris Allen doesn't actually hurt things too much either. Samantha Brown then shows up to shill Disney Cruise Lines. I'll admit that some of this stuff looks like fun also if you have the crap load of money for it. That would be nice. Samantha is good at shilling. A cut back to Kelly Ripa tells us who isn't. One of the problems with Ripa is that she's mentioned her husband about 30 times. It's starting to get annoying. Every other word is Mark. It's all kinda sad. Then if it can't get worse, We are promised more Celine Dion. UGH!
To make matter worse, we have a legitimate chorus singing then Celine. Just so we can contrast what real Christmas music is with shrill pop Christmas Music. Thankfully, Celine is dressed like an adult now and wow, with a close up on Celine, she does not look 41. I mean, seriously, not even remotely. Anyway, that's enough of that. Let's watch some BBC Christmas specials.
Noted Commercials: There's a commercial for Disney's new service project with Taye Diggs and Miss Piggy. I'll admit, Taye Diggs is a very attractive chap. Miss Piggy is one of the great characters of all time. I would watch their Dinsey World vacation. I imagine it would be funny and romantic and then Idina Menzel would have a reason to show up and yeah, Idina Menzel, always worth having around. Why couldn't Idina be on the parade?
Dumb question: Why is The Bachelor still on?
Oh, and all the Lost Commercials with no new footage? Why do you mock me, ABC? WHY!?!?
Late Christmas Ideas: An all expense paid trip to Disney World would be nice. Please?
The Tally
Times I hit my head out of frustration: 17
Mountain Dews Left: 10
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being going to Disney during the off-season, 10 being there right now on Christmas): 7
There isn't much thought to the color commentary. Woody from Toy Story is referred to as a Rock star. Yeah, it makes little to no sense to me. However, we get a preview of Toy Story 3. It's the same as the one that's been online so no changes. There's also the Up float which... okay, did we see a different movie because the movie was freaking depressing. I mean seriously depressing. Another reason Macy's is superior: It's doesn't stop for three minutes just so some Disney Channel personality with delusions of grandeur can butcher a wonderful Paul McCartney song (Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time). It's terrible, like Kids Bopz terrible. How can people clap for this crap?
Oh wait, here's the part I can love. The Disney Villain float. Really, they're the only part of this accursed thing that seems like it's not artificial. However, it doesn't stay with them for long until it hits Pirates of the Caribbean and we get more of Kelly Ripa reading off cue cards. I'm really phoning it in on this one but then again, I'm sure Kelly is also. She got a free vacation to Disney with the family. She's not going to complain. I'm sure Celine Dion isn't because there she is in this in what looks like someone wrapped her torso in blue packing paper and then sent her to Disney to be unwrapped. Oh dear god, no one unwrap Celine.
You know what would be awesome? Getting someone I'd heard of or don't detest to appear in this parade. I know disgruntled geeks are not Disney's current target audience (the fact that they figured no one would notice that they kinda plagiarized The Lion King from Kimba The White Lion shows that.) but even doing something like getting Paul McCartney.
So, we get to the Princess Portion. They kinda gloss over Belle which is kinda unforgivable. It's my favorite Disney film and it just disappears. I do like the New Orleans flapper style of The Princess and The Frog segment. I could see myself going to see this movie, I really could. Belle finally shows up but just for a second so we can get to Cheerleaders. If that wasn't horrific enough, Yanni shows up. Didn't this guy disappear in the early 90's? This is what I need after no sleep: Coma Inducing music. I need a soda to get through this.
So, next float involves people moving into the street and dancing including a very badly digitally inserted Kelly Ripa looking like a dead chicken having convulsions. We finally get someone worth while, Stevie Wonder. Only took an hour and a half. Stevie somehow increases the stock in this by like a hundred percent. Thank you Stevie. You made this entire parade tolerable. Chris Allen doesn't actually hurt things too much either. Samantha Brown then shows up to shill Disney Cruise Lines. I'll admit that some of this stuff looks like fun also if you have the crap load of money for it. That would be nice. Samantha is good at shilling. A cut back to Kelly Ripa tells us who isn't. One of the problems with Ripa is that she's mentioned her husband about 30 times. It's starting to get annoying. Every other word is Mark. It's all kinda sad. Then if it can't get worse, We are promised more Celine Dion. UGH!
To make matter worse, we have a legitimate chorus singing then Celine. Just so we can contrast what real Christmas music is with shrill pop Christmas Music. Thankfully, Celine is dressed like an adult now and wow, with a close up on Celine, she does not look 41. I mean, seriously, not even remotely. Anyway, that's enough of that. Let's watch some BBC Christmas specials.
Noted Commercials: There's a commercial for Disney's new service project with Taye Diggs and Miss Piggy. I'll admit, Taye Diggs is a very attractive chap. Miss Piggy is one of the great characters of all time. I would watch their Dinsey World vacation. I imagine it would be funny and romantic and then Idina Menzel would have a reason to show up and yeah, Idina Menzel, always worth having around. Why couldn't Idina be on the parade?
Dumb question: Why is The Bachelor still on?
Oh, and all the Lost Commercials with no new footage? Why do you mock me, ABC? WHY!?!?
Late Christmas Ideas: An all expense paid trip to Disney World would be nice. Please?
The Tally
Times I hit my head out of frustration: 17
Mountain Dews Left: 10
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being going to Disney during the off-season, 10 being there right now on Christmas): 7
The Christmas Experiment 2009: Hours 9 & 10
Viewing Thoughts: Going for some reality/documentary style shows right now.
A Very Queer Eye Christmas: Because what says Christmas like a bunch of gay stereotype getting together with some straight people they've changed the lives of on a film set. I really don't know whether to be insulted or to wish people asked me for advice because I was a self-help fairy (No pun intended.). But what we have here is a clip show. Yes, a clip show disguised as a holiday gathering. Still, the show introduced the world to Ted Allen so I can excuse it that. Ted Allen is one of my favorite Food Network personalities so all is forgiven. Jai, the tiny thin one, he never did anything. He's just some actor who has no business telling someone how to run their life.Carson, The blond one, he set the movement back about ten years, reinforcing all of the stereotypes. It's all kinda sad. Then again, it might also be partially because I view myself more as being a geek than gay but this territory that I've covered before so let's move on.
Really, what this show was is people who think they're better telling you how to live your life. Yeah, if I ever do that, become a sanctimonious gay man, tell me then and there and I'll stop. I'm not better than just about anyone. Maybe a couple of people but that's about it.I dunno, I watch the show, see the reactions the men have to the straight guys and some of the stuff, I don't see a problem. So someone has a different style than you. You don't judge them on that. That's just stupid on so many levels and spending four days with a person then leaving isn't going to change them as much as it would usually.
Disney Holiday Magic with Samantha Brown: This is pre-show for the Disney Holiday Parade in like an hour. I've never been to Disney before myself. Seeing it at Christmas would make me want to see it more. I mean, this is kinda torture and very unethical. Oh well, whatcha gonna do? That said, it does serve to let us know that Mickey is a spirit of consumerism. It may be a world of wonder but it's not cheap. Then again, I doubt any of us are going to fool ourselves into thinking that.
Little things of note. They Christmas up It's a Small World. It's kinda scary. I am scared for the existence of my soul. The Cinderella's castle room you can get in Disney World. It's so freaking excessively awesome. It's beautiful, the mirror is also a flat screen tv, and just so grand. Actually, the lights on Cinderella's Castle that makes it look like it's covered in ice is also gorgeous. Look at it. to the side. I would love to actually see that in person someday.
Notable Commercials: There's a commercial for a brownie pan that separated out the brownies for you as they bake. Really? Who buys these things? Someone has o or else they wouldn't sell them> It's all levels of excess and stupidity. It's like those pancake puffs from a few years back. Billy Mays (God rest his soul) wouldn't even endorse something like that. Speaking of which, they seem to be letting his soul rest since I can't remember the last time I've seen one of his commercials.
Late Christmas Ideas: I want something really straight to defy these blowhards. Sport jerseys, a trip to Hofbrau, anything just to drive this crud out of my head. Ooooh, good German food and some good alcohol. Yummers.
The Tally
Times I was kinda embarrassed to be gay thanks to Queer Eye: 4
Mountain Dews Left: 11
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being a random passerby, 10 being the same passerby after a dose of The Scarecrow's fear toxin): 3
A Very Queer Eye Christmas: Because what says Christmas like a bunch of gay stereotype getting together with some straight people they've changed the lives of on a film set. I really don't know whether to be insulted or to wish people asked me for advice because I was a self-help fairy (No pun intended.). But what we have here is a clip show. Yes, a clip show disguised as a holiday gathering. Still, the show introduced the world to Ted Allen so I can excuse it that. Ted Allen is one of my favorite Food Network personalities so all is forgiven. Jai, the tiny thin one, he never did anything. He's just some actor who has no business telling someone how to run their life.Carson, The blond one, he set the movement back about ten years, reinforcing all of the stereotypes. It's all kinda sad. Then again, it might also be partially because I view myself more as being a geek than gay but this territory that I've covered before so let's move on.
Really, what this show was is people who think they're better telling you how to live your life. Yeah, if I ever do that, become a sanctimonious gay man, tell me then and there and I'll stop. I'm not better than just about anyone. Maybe a couple of people but that's about it.I dunno, I watch the show, see the reactions the men have to the straight guys and some of the stuff, I don't see a problem. So someone has a different style than you. You don't judge them on that. That's just stupid on so many levels and spending four days with a person then leaving isn't going to change them as much as it would usually.
Disney Holiday Magic with Samantha Brown: This is pre-show for the Disney Holiday Parade in like an hour. I've never been to Disney before myself. Seeing it at Christmas would make me want to see it more. I mean, this is kinda torture and very unethical. Oh well, whatcha gonna do? That said, it does serve to let us know that Mickey is a spirit of consumerism. It may be a world of wonder but it's not cheap. Then again, I doubt any of us are going to fool ourselves into thinking that.
Little things of note. They Christmas up It's a Small World. It's kinda scary. I am scared for the existence of my soul. The Cinderella's castle room you can get in Disney World. It's so freaking excessively awesome. It's beautiful, the mirror is also a flat screen tv, and just so grand. Actually, the lights on Cinderella's Castle that makes it look like it's covered in ice is also gorgeous. Look at it. to the side. I would love to actually see that in person someday.Notable Commercials: There's a commercial for a brownie pan that separated out the brownies for you as they bake. Really? Who buys these things? Someone has o or else they wouldn't sell them> It's all levels of excess and stupidity. It's like those pancake puffs from a few years back. Billy Mays (God rest his soul) wouldn't even endorse something like that. Speaking of which, they seem to be letting his soul rest since I can't remember the last time I've seen one of his commercials.
Late Christmas Ideas: I want something really straight to defy these blowhards. Sport jerseys, a trip to Hofbrau, anything just to drive this crud out of my head. Ooooh, good German food and some good alcohol. Yummers.
The Tally
Times I was kinda embarrassed to be gay thanks to Queer Eye: 4
Mountain Dews Left: 11
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being a random passerby, 10 being the same passerby after a dose of The Scarecrow's fear toxin): 3
The Christmas Experiment 2009: Hours 7 & 8
Viewing Thoughts: I watched A Christmas Story. I've already talked about it once this holiday season, what more do you want? Ralphie learns a lot of things. He learns that you get a lot of Christmas presents but few teach you a lesson that you need. Sometimes people are jerks. Sometimes you have to take apples and make lemonade. But, above all things, he learns that Christmas is family above all things and that as long you're together, Chinese food is just as good as Turkey.
Notable Commercials: I like The Office, I really do, but TBS, please stop running commercials for three hour marathons. Just show clips from the show but even then, they don't capture the humor as well and it's still not going to be as good as 30 Rock.
Late Christmas Ideas: I forgot to get Christmas Crunch again this year. This is like the third year running. Still, I got some of my mom's cinnamon rolls for breakfast so that's all that counts really.
The Tally
Amount of Second Winds I've gotten: 1
Mountain Dews Left: 11
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being a sensible gift, 10 being an electric powered cracker): 4
Notable Commercials: I like The Office, I really do, but TBS, please stop running commercials for three hour marathons. Just show clips from the show but even then, they don't capture the humor as well and it's still not going to be as good as 30 Rock.
Late Christmas Ideas: I forgot to get Christmas Crunch again this year. This is like the third year running. Still, I got some of my mom's cinnamon rolls for breakfast so that's all that counts really.
The Tally
Amount of Second Winds I've gotten: 1
Mountain Dews Left: 11
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being a sensible gift, 10 being an electric powered cracker): 4
The Christmas Experiment 2009: Hours 5 & 6
Viewing Thoughts: It's time for some sitcoms and a visit from one of our friends from a couple of years ago.
Three's Company: In your typical Christmas episode, hijinks ensue. John Ritter walks around with mistletoe on his head and gifts are unwrapped. Chrissy is bummed over not being home for Christmas so they throw a party until they find out their neighbors are having a better one they weren't invited to. Mrs. Roper invites them to her party, they accept, and then the neighbors call to invite them to their party. Cue mock concern.
For once, Chrissy is the voice of reason, stating that the menage had already made an engagement. I attempt to find any of this funny. Long story short, the Ropers bore them, the trio heads off to the other party, and they run into the Ropers who's invitations had also got lost in the mail and had been trying to run off the twin pregnancies waiting to happen. I could try to care but let me brutally honest, I would rather be watching Little House on the Prairie right now and that says something. It's not even ironically funny. Thank God for the Brady Bunch.
The Brady Bunch: I love the Brady Bunch Christmas episode. Carol and Alice are wrapping presents when Carol shows up, having lost her voice. I have a joke as to how that happened that I could make but this is a PG blog so I'll keep that to myself. Anyway, Carol's doctor says she won't recover in time to sing at Church, thus almost depriving us of finding out what branch the Brady's belong to. I would normally say it's some secretive cult dedicated to making large armies for God/wives for the leader. Anyway, the Brady's go to the mall and Cindy asks Santa to bring her mommy's voice back. Mike admonishes Santa for rasing little Cindy's hopes when they should be crushed at an early date so she doesn't mind having a sister-wives. Mike decides to crush little Cindy's hopes right away before they can grow but Cindy refuses to listen to reason. Lo and Behold, Cindy's faith in Santa is not unfounded, Carol gets her voice back, and we learn the very important lesson that Santa is in fact a deity capable of curing the sick. Yep, good job Brady Bunch, you taught us that our pagan gods can work as well as any other ones. Next week, Marcia seduces Davy Jones through her nice little altar to Baal.
In the B story, the kids get a tree and we get a nice little lesson about commercialism. The kids don't want to be materialistic because their mom is going to be sad. They just want to cancel Christmas all together. Alice shames them into going forward with the Holiday. It's kinda saying Christmas can come from a store, I guess. The one bright side is a brief scene of the Brady Kids all secretly trying to hide presents. Let's move on.
The Yule Log: For those of you unfamiliar with the Yule Log, it's basically just Christmas music playing while you watch a burning log in the fireplace. I am obviously not a pyro because staring at a burning log doesn't do much for me. It is slightly maddening thought. It's enchanting. Look at the flames swirl. Not something to show a sleep deprived person. It will not end well, no, not at all. It makes me think of Fire... Oh my god, it was so quiet and then it got loud and had an ad for boots. I seriously jumped there but now I'm getting dreamy again. Oh snap.
Noted Commercials: In the Progressive auto ads with the perky claims specialist, one of three things come to mind. 1) The claims specialist is really fired up about her job. 2) She takes a lot of drugs. I mean A LOT of drugs. 3) She's very sarcastic and mocking all of the people buying from Progressive.
Late Christmas Ideas: Fire. I'd like some fire....
The Tally
Time I had a flashback of some kind watching the Yule Log: 7
Mountain Dews Left: 11
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being the average amount of holiday parties Will gets invited to, 10 being the amount of drinks I have to cover up the lack of invites): 6
Three's Company: In your typical Christmas episode, hijinks ensue. John Ritter walks around with mistletoe on his head and gifts are unwrapped. Chrissy is bummed over not being home for Christmas so they throw a party until they find out their neighbors are having a better one they weren't invited to. Mrs. Roper invites them to her party, they accept, and then the neighbors call to invite them to their party. Cue mock concern.
For once, Chrissy is the voice of reason, stating that the menage had already made an engagement. I attempt to find any of this funny. Long story short, the Ropers bore them, the trio heads off to the other party, and they run into the Ropers who's invitations had also got lost in the mail and had been trying to run off the twin pregnancies waiting to happen. I could try to care but let me brutally honest, I would rather be watching Little House on the Prairie right now and that says something. It's not even ironically funny. Thank God for the Brady Bunch.
The Brady Bunch: I love the Brady Bunch Christmas episode. Carol and Alice are wrapping presents when Carol shows up, having lost her voice. I have a joke as to how that happened that I could make but this is a PG blog so I'll keep that to myself. Anyway, Carol's doctor says she won't recover in time to sing at Church, thus almost depriving us of finding out what branch the Brady's belong to. I would normally say it's some secretive cult dedicated to making large armies for God/wives for the leader. Anyway, the Brady's go to the mall and Cindy asks Santa to bring her mommy's voice back. Mike admonishes Santa for rasing little Cindy's hopes when they should be crushed at an early date so she doesn't mind having a sister-wives. Mike decides to crush little Cindy's hopes right away before they can grow but Cindy refuses to listen to reason. Lo and Behold, Cindy's faith in Santa is not unfounded, Carol gets her voice back, and we learn the very important lesson that Santa is in fact a deity capable of curing the sick. Yep, good job Brady Bunch, you taught us that our pagan gods can work as well as any other ones. Next week, Marcia seduces Davy Jones through her nice little altar to Baal.
In the B story, the kids get a tree and we get a nice little lesson about commercialism. The kids don't want to be materialistic because their mom is going to be sad. They just want to cancel Christmas all together. Alice shames them into going forward with the Holiday. It's kinda saying Christmas can come from a store, I guess. The one bright side is a brief scene of the Brady Kids all secretly trying to hide presents. Let's move on.
The Yule Log: For those of you unfamiliar with the Yule Log, it's basically just Christmas music playing while you watch a burning log in the fireplace. I am obviously not a pyro because staring at a burning log doesn't do much for me. It is slightly maddening thought. It's enchanting. Look at the flames swirl. Not something to show a sleep deprived person. It will not end well, no, not at all. It makes me think of Fire... Oh my god, it was so quiet and then it got loud and had an ad for boots. I seriously jumped there but now I'm getting dreamy again. Oh snap.
Noted Commercials: In the Progressive auto ads with the perky claims specialist, one of three things come to mind. 1) The claims specialist is really fired up about her job. 2) She takes a lot of drugs. I mean A LOT of drugs. 3) She's very sarcastic and mocking all of the people buying from Progressive.
Late Christmas Ideas: Fire. I'd like some fire....
The Tally
Time I had a flashback of some kind watching the Yule Log: 7
Mountain Dews Left: 11
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being the average amount of holiday parties Will gets invited to, 10 being the amount of drinks I have to cover up the lack of invites): 6
The Christmas Experiment 2009: Hours 3 & 4
Viewing Thoughts: Time for something else I remember from my Childhood, brought to me by the Hallmark Channel: A Smoky Mountain Christmas starring Dolly Parton. Dolly plays a country singer and it's an excuse for her to sing and wear some ugly outfits. Anyway, Dolly wants to get away from it all and annoying paparazzo so she settles for spending the holidays in the Smoky Mountains. By the way, this being Dolly, I have to point out that her biggest talents are on display here. A Lot. I mean, a LOT! She also does some annoying voiceover.
Anyway, she runs into the local sheriff and in the process, Dolly run afoul of Jezebel, the local witch. Yes, there's a witch who rides a black horse, wears black, and her name is Jezebel. Realism, you jumped out the window and killed yourself because your cousin coincidence has also visited the movie by making sure people think that Dolly was kidnapped and making sure that the cabin she's going to is inhabited by a group of precocious orphans who find her in a slinky night gown. She bonds with the orphans and we're introduced to Mountain Dan, played by Lee Majors.
A major problem with this movie is that there's a lot of annoying songs, I know this is a star vehicle for Dolly but she doesn't help matters by bringing the kids into it. They sing along and they're not particularly good. Not at all. Another problem is how coincidence rules here. The paparazzi follows Dolly, the sheriff is a dick to Dolly, and the witch does some stuff in town and no one seems to care. Seriously, people live in a town where supernatural things happen on a regular basis and in front of a member of the press, and it seems like something you can joke about and that says, run for the hills to me.
So, Dolly bonds with the orphans some more, sings yet again, and meets the witch for the first time,angered over no longer having the biggest hair in the town the sheriff supposedly being in love with Dolly. She's saved by Lee Majors who tells her that the kids ran away from a children's home. Since Lee Majors just plays people who can scare other people, this doesn't go well. Apparently the kids think he's going to eat them or something. However, they're adorable about this but they're fears are realized when he brings them a fruitcake. Obviously Lee Majors is evil and wants to make the kids and Dolly suffer. Everything gets awkward for a little while after that point and there some actual Christmasy stuff going on.
So, annoying paparazzi gets lost in the woods and meetsa Stevie Nicks impersonator the witch. She messes with him because apparently her bridge night got canceled and the paparazzi finds Lee Majors' cabin.They bond, paparazzi drops some exposition, we move on.
The orphans want to move in with Dolly. Seeing that they want to stay on her gravy train, she turns them down so the kids decide to skedaddle just as the police show up to grab the kids for being runaways and thieves. Apparently this involves what I hope will be a shootout. Unluckily, Dolly just gets felt up/arrested along with all of the kids. The paparazzi takes some pictures and teams up with Lee Majors and the older orphan who almost started a Jamestown incident. Thankfully, no songs about Prison on Christmas. Instead, we get the return of voice over, most of the kids going back to the orphanarium, Dolly in lockdown, andbubblehead The Witch making a poison pot pie. I just realized that this is Snow White. Damn, there are seven orphans, a witch, and Dolly and it was an apple pie. Really? Someone out there is laughing at me.
The sheriff attempts to make this into a Lifetime film by trying to get Dolly drunk so he can have his way with her. The witch saves her in the guise of an old woman and gives Dolly the pie. She eats it as Lee Majors tries to break her out and the old woman turns back intoJoan Collins The Witch. She gloats and leaves. The idiots Three break the window and find Dolly asleep. I envy Dolly. Older Orphan makes a power of friendship speech and it wakes her up. *Sigh* I was starting to hope the movie would be over. Joan Crawford The Witch shows up and tries to use her magic on Dolly. Apparently the witch's brains went out the window because she gets tricked into eating her own pie. She hams it up, falls asleep, and we're back to the orphanage.
Apparently Dolly had enough time to become a pirate and steal a Santa sled. The littlest orphan acts cute, allowing the rest of the orphans to escape and Dolly gets to add assault, unlawful imprisonment, and kidnapping to her list of felonies in addition to fleeing jail, aiding and abetting, corruption of minors, and obstruction of justice. Dolly is going away for a long time.
THe police are investigating the crimes of Dolly. They catch them, adding fleeing the scene of a crime to the list of offenses and John Ritter plays the judge. Really? Anyway, he lists off the offenses and Lee Majors is apparently a lawyer. Judge Ritter drops the charges, Dolly asks to adopt the kids, and the judge allows it despite the fact that the paparazzi has apparently disappeared at this point, possibly because he's plead down to just being annoying. Dolly hooks up with Lee Majors and they all return to the cabin for Christmas and another annoying song. Thus ends A Smoky Mountain Christmas. I think I need a drink if you don't mind.
Noted Commercials: There's this Liz Taylor White Diamonds ad that... yeah, I dunno how to explain it but it's been on twice and it seems like an art film. It has nothing to do with perfume. Really, watch it to learn what the hell it is.
Late Christmas Ideas: Precocious Orphan Repellent. Batman has to have some in his utility belt some place. He has room for everything else in there, he had to have something to use on Dick Grayson when he got annoying.
The Tally
Number of Annoying Dolly Songs: 6
Mountain Dews Left: 11
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being the weight of a penny, 10 being the weight of Dolly's talent): 5
Anyway, she runs into the local sheriff and in the process, Dolly run afoul of Jezebel, the local witch. Yes, there's a witch who rides a black horse, wears black, and her name is Jezebel. Realism, you jumped out the window and killed yourself because your cousin coincidence has also visited the movie by making sure people think that Dolly was kidnapped and making sure that the cabin she's going to is inhabited by a group of precocious orphans who find her in a slinky night gown. She bonds with the orphans and we're introduced to Mountain Dan, played by Lee Majors.
A major problem with this movie is that there's a lot of annoying songs, I know this is a star vehicle for Dolly but she doesn't help matters by bringing the kids into it. They sing along and they're not particularly good. Not at all. Another problem is how coincidence rules here. The paparazzi follows Dolly, the sheriff is a dick to Dolly, and the witch does some stuff in town and no one seems to care. Seriously, people live in a town where supernatural things happen on a regular basis and in front of a member of the press, and it seems like something you can joke about and that says, run for the hills to me.
So, Dolly bonds with the orphans some more, sings yet again, and meets the witch for the first time,
So, annoying paparazzi gets lost in the woods and meets
The orphans want to move in with Dolly. Seeing that they want to stay on her gravy train, she turns them down so the kids decide to skedaddle just as the police show up to grab the kids for being runaways and thieves. Apparently this involves what I hope will be a shootout. Unluckily, Dolly just gets felt up/arrested along with all of the kids. The paparazzi takes some pictures and teams up with Lee Majors and the older orphan who almost started a Jamestown incident. Thankfully, no songs about Prison on Christmas. Instead, we get the return of voice over, most of the kids going back to the orphanarium, Dolly in lockdown, and
The sheriff attempts to make this into a Lifetime film by trying to get Dolly drunk so he can have his way with her. The witch saves her in the guise of an old woman and gives Dolly the pie. She eats it as Lee Majors tries to break her out and the old woman turns back into
Apparently Dolly had enough time to become a pirate and steal a Santa sled. The littlest orphan acts cute, allowing the rest of the orphans to escape and Dolly gets to add assault, unlawful imprisonment, and kidnapping to her list of felonies in addition to fleeing jail, aiding and abetting, corruption of minors, and obstruction of justice. Dolly is going away for a long time.
THe police are investigating the crimes of Dolly. They catch them, adding fleeing the scene of a crime to the list of offenses and John Ritter plays the judge. Really? Anyway, he lists off the offenses and Lee Majors is apparently a lawyer. Judge Ritter drops the charges, Dolly asks to adopt the kids, and the judge allows it despite the fact that the paparazzi has apparently disappeared at this point, possibly because he's plead down to just being annoying. Dolly hooks up with Lee Majors and they all return to the cabin for Christmas and another annoying song. Thus ends A Smoky Mountain Christmas. I think I need a drink if you don't mind.
Noted Commercials: There's this Liz Taylor White Diamonds ad that... yeah, I dunno how to explain it but it's been on twice and it seems like an art film. It has nothing to do with perfume. Really, watch it to learn what the hell it is.
Late Christmas Ideas: Precocious Orphan Repellent. Batman has to have some in his utility belt some place. He has room for everything else in there, he had to have something to use on Dick Grayson when he got annoying.
The Tally
Number of Annoying Dolly Songs: 6
Mountain Dews Left: 11
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being the weight of a penny, 10 being the weight of Dolly's talent): 5
The Christmas Experiment 2009: Hours 1 & 2
Viewing Thoughts: Home Alone, probably one of my favorite yuletide films and a good way to start off the day. I'm watching it on the Fox Movie Channel which is trying to make it their A Christmas Story by showing it non-stop for 24 hours or so. I can see why they would go with this comparison. Both are kinda films about the follies of childhood. Mind you, along the same lines, A Christmas Story is a superior film and does have the added benefit of having a much more nostalgic feeling to it. While Home Alone is a much more artificial film, I am not saying it's a bad movie. Oh, in no way am I saying that. It does have the better score of the two but then again, it is John Williams. It is an incredibly fun film when you're a kid and if you were a kid when it came out, it still carries a case of the nostalgias. I remember seeing it with my dad and sister when I was a kid and I look back on that fondly to this day. However, it seems a lot shorter than it actually is. I mean, seriously, it's just a little over 100 minutes with credits. However, it's a kid's movie and kid's movies should not be all that long.
Catherine O'Hara deserved a supporting actress nod for her role as Kate McCallister. She really is the heart of this movie. At first, she is a typical mom, if a bit too snippy with Kevin but she's under stress and Kevin is kinda a jerk at the beginning. However, once she finds out that she has accidentally abandoned her child, she instantly goes into mother bear mode and flies to protect her son, traveling the earth, going to immense trouble to do so. It doesn't hurt that the actress playing her is incredibly talented as well. Catherine O'Hara is amazing, no matter what the film but here she shines, is kinda dead-pan, and throughout, believable. She accomplishes it all with the utmost of effort and sure, if she had patience, she would have gotten home the exact same time but that matters little because she tried, worked against fate, and endured polka just to get what she wanted: to get back to her son.
Harry and Marv, the wet bandits, should be dead. There is no way around that. Mind you they become major league idiots in the second film and become immensely more accident prone but even in the first film, they should, by no small miracle, not be alive. We're talking falling down the stairs, getting hit in the head repeatedly, third degree burns, rusty nails through the foot, and not counting any bites from the tarantula. These two function as if they're in peak health the entire time and somehow are able to beat a kid to the phone elsewhere. The fact that they're able to recover, get themselves cleaned up so they can escape and get on the run to New York in a just a year shows these two must be superhuman. Kevin bests two people who have become gifted with invulnerability by the gods of thievery and both times brought them to justice, three if you count the pure crappiness that is Home Alone 4 but that involves acknowledging their existence so we'll say two. Harry and Marv, nearly invincible but still doomed to be beaten by a pre-teen.
Noted Commercials: No commercials. The problem with watching something like this on a movie channel. Not going to be repeating that mistake too much today.
Late Christmas Ideas: I would actually say a copy of Home Alone would be grand. Double points if it's on blu-ray.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 11
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being an hour of isolation, 10 being a year): 3
Catherine O'Hara deserved a supporting actress nod for her role as Kate McCallister. She really is the heart of this movie. At first, she is a typical mom, if a bit too snippy with Kevin but she's under stress and Kevin is kinda a jerk at the beginning. However, once she finds out that she has accidentally abandoned her child, she instantly goes into mother bear mode and flies to protect her son, traveling the earth, going to immense trouble to do so. It doesn't hurt that the actress playing her is incredibly talented as well. Catherine O'Hara is amazing, no matter what the film but here she shines, is kinda dead-pan, and throughout, believable. She accomplishes it all with the utmost of effort and sure, if she had patience, she would have gotten home the exact same time but that matters little because she tried, worked against fate, and endured polka just to get what she wanted: to get back to her son.
Harry and Marv, the wet bandits, should be dead. There is no way around that. Mind you they become major league idiots in the second film and become immensely more accident prone but even in the first film, they should, by no small miracle, not be alive. We're talking falling down the stairs, getting hit in the head repeatedly, third degree burns, rusty nails through the foot, and not counting any bites from the tarantula. These two function as if they're in peak health the entire time and somehow are able to beat a kid to the phone elsewhere. The fact that they're able to recover, get themselves cleaned up so they can escape and get on the run to New York in a just a year shows these two must be superhuman. Kevin bests two people who have become gifted with invulnerability by the gods of thievery and both times brought them to justice, three if you count the pure crappiness that is Home Alone 4 but that involves acknowledging their existence so we'll say two. Harry and Marv, nearly invincible but still doomed to be beaten by a pre-teen.
Noted Commercials: No commercials. The problem with watching something like this on a movie channel. Not going to be repeating that mistake too much today.
Late Christmas Ideas: I would actually say a copy of Home Alone would be grand. Double points if it's on blu-ray.
The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 11
Energy Drinks Left: 4
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Sanity Rating (1 being an hour of isolation, 10 being a year): 3
Thursday, December 24, 2009
The Christmas Experiment 2009: Pre-Show
First off, the Top 100 List will resume next week. I just needed a bit of time off to recollect my bearings. Now for the topic.
Okay, so for those new to the blog, every year I do an Christmas/Thanksgiving themed day where I stay up for 24 hours and watch the TV and blog about what I see. This year I hope to do it with no naps or me breaking down half way through. I'm going to try to get a nap before I start this year. So, here's this year's rations:
Cans of Mountain Dew: 12
Cans of Amp: 4
Coffee: There if I get Desperate.
I'm ordering a pizza for dinner tonight, eating taking a nap, then probably guzzling water so I don't get dehydrated like I did last year with the Thanksgiving Experiment. That wasn't fun, especially when I briefly had trouble standing up. But this should be a good year. I'm recording a bit of back-up material on the DVR but that's mainly in the case that I can't find something Christmasy enough to fill up a particualar portion of the day. I will not be fast forwarding through commercials so I can get the full feel of the holiday, right down to ads for whatever stupid thing they want to advertise. I also plan to watch at least one Hallmark and one Lifetime movie tomorrow. That might be the painful thing. I only count myself lucky that The Christmas Shoes is on at ten tonight on the 24th as opposed to two hours later when the experiment begins. So, come back at midnight when the fun begins.
Okay, so for those new to the blog, every year I do an Christmas/Thanksgiving themed day where I stay up for 24 hours and watch the TV and blog about what I see. This year I hope to do it with no naps or me breaking down half way through. I'm going to try to get a nap before I start this year. So, here's this year's rations:
Cans of Mountain Dew: 12
Cans of Amp: 4
Coffee: There if I get Desperate.
I'm ordering a pizza for dinner tonight, eating taking a nap, then probably guzzling water so I don't get dehydrated like I did last year with the Thanksgiving Experiment. That wasn't fun, especially when I briefly had trouble standing up. But this should be a good year. I'm recording a bit of back-up material on the DVR but that's mainly in the case that I can't find something Christmasy enough to fill up a particualar portion of the day. I will not be fast forwarding through commercials so I can get the full feel of the holiday, right down to ads for whatever stupid thing they want to advertise. I also plan to watch at least one Hallmark and one Lifetime movie tomorrow. That might be the painful thing. I only count myself lucky that The Christmas Shoes is on at ten tonight on the 24th as opposed to two hours later when the experiment begins. So, come back at midnight when the fun begins.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
The Top 100 Movies of All Time (A Very Biased List): 20 & 19
20. Charade (1963)
Directed by Stanley Dohen
Screenplay by Marc Behm and Peter Stone
Starring Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn, Walter Matthau, and James Coburn
Oscar Nominations: 1
Charade is one of the most brilliant movies I have ever seen. Hepburn stars as a woman who's husband has turned up dead and she's trying to find answers. The mystery comes when we see the odd people at the funeral and find that the man who she met on vacation is somehow involved. What follows is one of the best screenplays on the list because you never know what turn the plot is going to take or who you can actually trust all the while getting some of the most kickass dialogue that you'll hear in quite a few movies. It also has something that is rather rare: an organic romance subplot. Usually movies that take place over a short period of time have fairly uninteresting romances that really come out of left-field. In Charade, you can see the attraction between the two characters and even though Hepburn can't really trust her suitor, she does grow visibly fond of him.
I don't talk enough about cinematography but I think I will right now by saying that this movie is eye porn. Actually, it's pron for the senses. You start out in the Swiss alps with a shot that just makes you feel chilly and then we're is Paris, the city of lights at it's most gorgeous. All the while, the score is there, pushing your emotions around, making you believe something is going on but you're not quite sure what. It does what good movie music does, heighten the tension, relieve it when necessary, and make the audience comfortable and uncomfortable where necessary. I'm sure the movie doesn't taste good but I haven't tried but it's at least a east for those two senses.
19. Spirited Away
Directed and Screenplay by Hayao Miyazaki
Starring the Voices of (Japanese) Rumi Hiiragi, Miyu Irino, and Mari Natsuki (English dub) Daveigh Chase, Jason Marsden, and Suzanne Pleshette
Oscar Nominations: 1 Oscar Wins: 1 (Best Animated Film)
Often called the Walt Disney of Japan, Hayao Miyazaki is perhaps one of the greatest people to ever work in the medium of animation. While in most Disney films, the story can often be a little manipulative, in a Miyazaki film, everyone acts in character, the plots are very natural, the heroines are never helpless. The plot, that of a young girl forced to work to save both her and her family, is often times moving and adventurous. Spirited Away does all this and more. It is a visually beautiful film, often times both gorgeous and stylish. The film takes place in a bathhouse for the spirits so it's filled with colorful characters. These are all things you find in Miyazaki films, all of which are worth watching. Next time, I'll probably put a few more on the list.
One of the reasons that the movie succeeds is the voices. Both in the original and dub versions, the character's voices are very real. One of the reasons I love the dub is that the translators took time to work with the original animators to get the words to fit the mouths, something that previous films have done at the expense of being true to the original work. The fact that it was Disney working with them is the icing on the cake. You might as well go with one of the leaders in animation, getting access to their stable of voice actors in the process. The reason why Chihiro, the main character works, is because she sounds like a scared little girl. The witch sounds like a witch without being ridiculous.
Next Time: "With enough courage, you can do without a reputation." "Now gentlemen, in this country our courts are the great levelers, and in our courts all men are created equal. I'm no idealist to believe firmly in the integrity of our courts and of our jury system. That's no ideal to me. That is a living, working reality. Now I am confident that you gentlemen will review without passion the evidence that you have heard, come to a decision, and restore this man to his family. In the name of God, do your duty. In the name of God, believe Tom Robinson."
Directed by Stanley Dohen
Screenplay by Marc Behm and Peter Stone
Starring Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn, Walter Matthau, and James Coburn
Oscar Nominations: 1
Charade is one of the most brilliant movies I have ever seen. Hepburn stars as a woman who's husband has turned up dead and she's trying to find answers. The mystery comes when we see the odd people at the funeral and find that the man who she met on vacation is somehow involved. What follows is one of the best screenplays on the list because you never know what turn the plot is going to take or who you can actually trust all the while getting some of the most kickass dialogue that you'll hear in quite a few movies. It also has something that is rather rare: an organic romance subplot. Usually movies that take place over a short period of time have fairly uninteresting romances that really come out of left-field. In Charade, you can see the attraction between the two characters and even though Hepburn can't really trust her suitor, she does grow visibly fond of him.
I don't talk enough about cinematography but I think I will right now by saying that this movie is eye porn. Actually, it's pron for the senses. You start out in the Swiss alps with a shot that just makes you feel chilly and then we're is Paris, the city of lights at it's most gorgeous. All the while, the score is there, pushing your emotions around, making you believe something is going on but you're not quite sure what. It does what good movie music does, heighten the tension, relieve it when necessary, and make the audience comfortable and uncomfortable where necessary. I'm sure the movie doesn't taste good but I haven't tried but it's at least a east for those two senses.
19. Spirited Away
Directed and Screenplay by Hayao Miyazaki
Starring the Voices of (Japanese) Rumi Hiiragi, Miyu Irino, and Mari Natsuki (English dub) Daveigh Chase, Jason Marsden, and Suzanne Pleshette
Oscar Nominations: 1 Oscar Wins: 1 (Best Animated Film)
Often called the Walt Disney of Japan, Hayao Miyazaki is perhaps one of the greatest people to ever work in the medium of animation. While in most Disney films, the story can often be a little manipulative, in a Miyazaki film, everyone acts in character, the plots are very natural, the heroines are never helpless. The plot, that of a young girl forced to work to save both her and her family, is often times moving and adventurous. Spirited Away does all this and more. It is a visually beautiful film, often times both gorgeous and stylish. The film takes place in a bathhouse for the spirits so it's filled with colorful characters. These are all things you find in Miyazaki films, all of which are worth watching. Next time, I'll probably put a few more on the list.
One of the reasons that the movie succeeds is the voices. Both in the original and dub versions, the character's voices are very real. One of the reasons I love the dub is that the translators took time to work with the original animators to get the words to fit the mouths, something that previous films have done at the expense of being true to the original work. The fact that it was Disney working with them is the icing on the cake. You might as well go with one of the leaders in animation, getting access to their stable of voice actors in the process. The reason why Chihiro, the main character works, is because she sounds like a scared little girl. The witch sounds like a witch without being ridiculous.
Next Time: "With enough courage, you can do without a reputation." "Now gentlemen, in this country our courts are the great levelers, and in our courts all men are created equal. I'm no idealist to believe firmly in the integrity of our courts and of our jury system. That's no ideal to me. That is a living, working reality. Now I am confident that you gentlemen will review without passion the evidence that you have heard, come to a decision, and restore this man to his family. In the name of God, do your duty. In the name of God, believe Tom Robinson."
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The Top 100 Movies of All Time (A Very Biased List): 22 & 21
22. Shadow of a Doubt (1943)
Directed by Alfred Hitchcock
Screenplay by Thornton Wilder, Sally Benson, and Alma Reville
Starring Teresa Wright, Joseph Cotten, Macdonald Carey, Patricia Collinge, and Henry Travers
Oscar Nominations: 1
I have to say that this might be Hitchcock's best film. The movie is about a woman and her uncle that she was named after. The uncle murders rich older women after romancing them. The movie, like anything Hitchcock, is suspenseful and the performance turned in by Wright as the niece is splendid. The character develops perfectly and organically. At first she's a naive small town girl but she slowly reveals herself to be the only person to see through her uncle's facade, ready to kill herself to stop him. The most notable thing is that while Hichcock female leads tend to meet bad ends or are mostly wooden, Charlie survives, finds love, and remains a strong woman up to the end.
My favorite part of the movie is how most of the people aren't quite right. Two of the supporting cast members discuss how to plan the perfect murder for much of the movie. It's funny but then disturbing when an actual murderer walks among them. The youngest daughter, Ann, is also kinda cool. She is older than her years and seems almost as wrong as her uncle. In addition, we have the use of tows. The uncle and niece are both names Charlie. There are two investigators, two church and garage scenes, and many other duets. By the way, Hitchcock's cameo is about fifteen minutes in, playing bridge with a winning hand.
21. Cabaret (1972)
Directed by Bob Fosse
Screenplay by Jay Allen from the play by Joe Masteroff
Music by John Kander and Lyrics by Fred Ebb
Starring Liza Minnelli, Michael York, and Joel Grey
Oscar Nominations: 10 Oscar Wins: 8 (Best Director, Best Actress Liza Minnelli, Best Supporting Actor Joel Grey, Best Cinematography, Best Editing, Best Art Direction, Best Score, Best Sound)
A musical about the rise of Nazi Germany, alternatively cheery and depressing. Possibly one of the best musicals of all time, it deals with risque elements with dignity. The actors, doing their own singing thank god, are perfect. They realize the heaviness of the roles but also realize the need to have some jollity. Liza Minelli's Sally Bowles is sexy and funny. It's a powerhouse performance. Joel Grey's performance as the Master of Ceremonies isn't a big attribution to the plot but he serves to provide commentary and the scene at the end where he realizes that the air of change has come and he hasn't noticed is heartbreaking.
The songs are mostly performed in the titular cabaret. The sole exception is the most haunting. "Tomorrow Belongs to Me" is sung in a beer garden. At first, it seems like a pretty song sung by a blond headed youth. A crowd watches and then the camera pans back, first showing his brown shirt and then the swastika on his arm. A Hitler Youth. Then the crowd starts to sing along. What seemed like a hopeful song is revealed to be a song to incite. The other song, "Cabaret," is just as happy when you hear it but then you realize that Sally Bowles is singing it, not because she's happy, but because she's unsure of her future, she's just had an abortion, and she got rid of a man who loved her. Her life is in ruins and she has to cling to an ideal of a life that is gone.
Next Time: "I already know an awful lot of people and until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else." "Once you've met someone, you won't really forget them. It just takes a while for your memory to return."
Directed by Alfred Hitchcock
Screenplay by Thornton Wilder, Sally Benson, and Alma Reville
Starring Teresa Wright, Joseph Cotten, Macdonald Carey, Patricia Collinge, and Henry Travers
Oscar Nominations: 1
I have to say that this might be Hitchcock's best film. The movie is about a woman and her uncle that she was named after. The uncle murders rich older women after romancing them. The movie, like anything Hitchcock, is suspenseful and the performance turned in by Wright as the niece is splendid. The character develops perfectly and organically. At first she's a naive small town girl but she slowly reveals herself to be the only person to see through her uncle's facade, ready to kill herself to stop him. The most notable thing is that while Hichcock female leads tend to meet bad ends or are mostly wooden, Charlie survives, finds love, and remains a strong woman up to the end.
My favorite part of the movie is how most of the people aren't quite right. Two of the supporting cast members discuss how to plan the perfect murder for much of the movie. It's funny but then disturbing when an actual murderer walks among them. The youngest daughter, Ann, is also kinda cool. She is older than her years and seems almost as wrong as her uncle. In addition, we have the use of tows. The uncle and niece are both names Charlie. There are two investigators, two church and garage scenes, and many other duets. By the way, Hitchcock's cameo is about fifteen minutes in, playing bridge with a winning hand.
21. Cabaret (1972)
Directed by Bob Fosse
Screenplay by Jay Allen from the play by Joe Masteroff
Music by John Kander and Lyrics by Fred Ebb
Starring Liza Minnelli, Michael York, and Joel Grey
Oscar Nominations: 10 Oscar Wins: 8 (Best Director, Best Actress Liza Minnelli, Best Supporting Actor Joel Grey, Best Cinematography, Best Editing, Best Art Direction, Best Score, Best Sound)
A musical about the rise of Nazi Germany, alternatively cheery and depressing. Possibly one of the best musicals of all time, it deals with risque elements with dignity. The actors, doing their own singing thank god, are perfect. They realize the heaviness of the roles but also realize the need to have some jollity. Liza Minelli's Sally Bowles is sexy and funny. It's a powerhouse performance. Joel Grey's performance as the Master of Ceremonies isn't a big attribution to the plot but he serves to provide commentary and the scene at the end where he realizes that the air of change has come and he hasn't noticed is heartbreaking.
The songs are mostly performed in the titular cabaret. The sole exception is the most haunting. "Tomorrow Belongs to Me" is sung in a beer garden. At first, it seems like a pretty song sung by a blond headed youth. A crowd watches and then the camera pans back, first showing his brown shirt and then the swastika on his arm. A Hitler Youth. Then the crowd starts to sing along. What seemed like a hopeful song is revealed to be a song to incite. The other song, "Cabaret," is just as happy when you hear it but then you realize that Sally Bowles is singing it, not because she's happy, but because she's unsure of her future, she's just had an abortion, and she got rid of a man who loved her. Her life is in ruins and she has to cling to an ideal of a life that is gone.
Next Time: "I already know an awful lot of people and until one of them dies I couldn't possibly meet anyone else." "Once you've met someone, you won't really forget them. It just takes a while for your memory to return."
Monday, December 14, 2009
The Top 100 Movies of All Time (A Very Biased List): 24 & 23
24. Citizen Kane (1941)
Directed by Orson Welles
Screenplay by Orson Welles and Herman J. Mankiewicz
Starring Orson Welles, Joseph Cotten, Dorothy Comingore, Everett Sloane, and Ray Collins
Oscar Nominations: 9 Oscar Wins: 1 (Best Original Screenplay)
This movie appears on every top 10 list in creation if not the top pick, it is taught in almost all college film classes, and it has one of the first big surprise endings of all time. It only ranks 24 and that's only because of the huge plot hole but that's beside the point. It is a genuinely great film. The film is the retelling of one man's life, a thinly veiled critique of William Randolf Hearst, and a mystery all tied into one. A great film can be many things all at the same time. Great writing helps that along and makes sure that the audience can follow a multi-tiered story like this one.
My problem does come down to the huge plot hole which is that the titular character dies in a room alone, is described as dying alone, and yet everyone knows his dying words. It's kinda unforgivable but I let it slide for the fact that it does set up one of the first and greatest twist endings in film history. The thing most people know of this film is the line Rosebud. The mystery of the film what Rosebud truly meant. Most people by now know that, just like they know the big secret of Psycho. That said though, I still won't be giving it away and when you do find out in the context of the film, it's brilliant. Really, a good ending is built to while a crappy ending will sputter out and die.
23. Double Indemnity (1944)
Directed by Billy Wilder
Screenplay by Billy Wilder and Raymond Chandler from the novel by James M. Cain
Starring Fred MacMurray, Barbara Stanwyck, and Edward G. Robinson
Oscar Nominations: 7
Best. Film Noir. EVER! Seriously, this is what noir is. A dark story, people who's morals are kinda lax to say the least, some kick-ass music, perfect use of darkness. The best part is, it's all about insurance fraud. They make insurance fraud interesting! Dammit that's awesome. Anyway, the acting is top notch and Billy Wilder, like always, is one of my favorite directors. The man knows how to set up his shots so they get the maximum amount of shadow with a minimum amount of distractions.
I want to take notice of Barbara Stanwyck. She fills a trope of the Femme Fatale so perfectly. The character really is the definition of it and she fills her role so nicely. She is pure ex, manipulates people into doing things for her, and she never gets her hands dirty. Of course, she does pay for her sins, this is 1940s Hollywood after all, but she still gets away with them in such a way that it works for awhile.
Next Time: "My God! It's enough to drive a girl into a convent! Do they have Jewish nuns?" "We're not just an uncle and a niece. It's something else. I know you. I know you don't tell people a lot of things. I don't either. I have a feeling that inside you there's something nobody knows about... something secret and wonderful. I'll find it out."
Directed by Orson Welles
Screenplay by Orson Welles and Herman J. Mankiewicz
Starring Orson Welles, Joseph Cotten, Dorothy Comingore, Everett Sloane, and Ray Collins
Oscar Nominations: 9 Oscar Wins: 1 (Best Original Screenplay)
This movie appears on every top 10 list in creation if not the top pick, it is taught in almost all college film classes, and it has one of the first big surprise endings of all time. It only ranks 24 and that's only because of the huge plot hole but that's beside the point. It is a genuinely great film. The film is the retelling of one man's life, a thinly veiled critique of William Randolf Hearst, and a mystery all tied into one. A great film can be many things all at the same time. Great writing helps that along and makes sure that the audience can follow a multi-tiered story like this one.
My problem does come down to the huge plot hole which is that the titular character dies in a room alone, is described as dying alone, and yet everyone knows his dying words. It's kinda unforgivable but I let it slide for the fact that it does set up one of the first and greatest twist endings in film history. The thing most people know of this film is the line Rosebud. The mystery of the film what Rosebud truly meant. Most people by now know that, just like they know the big secret of Psycho. That said though, I still won't be giving it away and when you do find out in the context of the film, it's brilliant. Really, a good ending is built to while a crappy ending will sputter out and die.
23. Double Indemnity (1944)
Directed by Billy Wilder
Screenplay by Billy Wilder and Raymond Chandler from the novel by James M. Cain
Starring Fred MacMurray, Barbara Stanwyck, and Edward G. Robinson
Oscar Nominations: 7
Best. Film Noir. EVER! Seriously, this is what noir is. A dark story, people who's morals are kinda lax to say the least, some kick-ass music, perfect use of darkness. The best part is, it's all about insurance fraud. They make insurance fraud interesting! Dammit that's awesome. Anyway, the acting is top notch and Billy Wilder, like always, is one of my favorite directors. The man knows how to set up his shots so they get the maximum amount of shadow with a minimum amount of distractions.
I want to take notice of Barbara Stanwyck. She fills a trope of the Femme Fatale so perfectly. The character really is the definition of it and she fills her role so nicely. She is pure ex, manipulates people into doing things for her, and she never gets her hands dirty. Of course, she does pay for her sins, this is 1940s Hollywood after all, but she still gets away with them in such a way that it works for awhile.
Next Time: "My God! It's enough to drive a girl into a convent! Do they have Jewish nuns?" "We're not just an uncle and a niece. It's something else. I know you. I know you don't tell people a lot of things. I don't either. I have a feeling that inside you there's something nobody knows about... something secret and wonderful. I'll find it out."
Friday, December 11, 2009
The Top 100 Movies of All Time (A Very Biased List): 26 & 25
26. Funny Girl (1968)
Directed by William Wyler
Screenplay by Isobel Lenhart from her play
Music by Jule Styne lyrics by Bob Merrill
Starring Barbra Streisand, Omar Sharif, Kay Medford, and Anne Francis
Oscar Nominations: 8 Oscar Wins: 1 (Best Actress Barbra Streisand)
I am an unabashed Barbra fan. I really love the woman and her work and there is no way for me to be objective about it. I loved her in freaking Nuts people and even I know that was a terrible movie. So, anything I say is going to come across as very biased but that's the point of this list, right? Anyway, Babs rocks in this movie and there is no other reason to watch it. Yeah, there are other actors but it's all Babs' show as famous stage actress Fanny Brice. Her singing and humor are both awesome and she alternatively funny and sad playing to every emotion. The woman deserved her Oscar, now can someone give her her Oscar for Prince of Tides?
If I have to talk about something other than Babs, let's talk about the music with which I can still talk about the most awesome diva ever. The songs are very memorable. People and Don't Rain on My Parade have both become standards of Babs. There aren't many songs that don't involve Babs singing but the supporting cast does carry what singing it needs. I'm sorry, I'm trying to challenge myself by not talking about Babs but it isn't quite working. Just go see the movie, see the glory of Babs, and realize how gay Will is to rave about her so much.
25. Fantasia (1940)
Directed and written by Quite a few people, really, just hit IMDB for this one people.
Starring Leopold Stokowski, Deems Taylor, The Philadelphia Orchestra, and Walt Disney
Fantasia is more than just a movie, it's an event. There is literally nothing quite like it, not even the rather lackluster Fantasia 2000. Fantasia is animation set to classical music. Some of the sequences have a plot and other don't. They really don't. The animators were just allowed free imagination to do as they please and make it awesome and works. The choice of music is also impeccable and there isn't a sequence that doesn't stand out or not work. Let's talk about my favorite one.
Night on Bald Mountain and Ave Maria are probably the best sequences in the movie, even more so than The Sorcerer's Apprentice. It's basically Evil being vanquished by Good. First is Night on Bald Mountain in which a massive demon, possibly Satan himself, gathers his minions and forces them to dance for his amusement. The sequence is very terrifying, even as an adult. It then goes into the more quiet Ave Maria where pilgrims trek to a holy land. Really, just a brilliant sequence and the use of music is just so powerful in both. It's all rather hard to describe in words so go and rent it on DVD. It's all nice and restored.
Next Time: "You're right, I did lose a million dollars last year. I expect to lose a million dollars this year. I expect to lose a million dollars next year. You know, Mr. Thatcher, at the rate of a million dollars a year, I'll have to close this place in, 60 years." "Yes, I killed him. I killed him for money and for a woman. I didn't get the money and I didn't get the woman. Pretty, isn't it?'"
Directed by William Wyler
Screenplay by Isobel Lenhart from her play
Music by Jule Styne lyrics by Bob Merrill
Starring Barbra Streisand, Omar Sharif, Kay Medford, and Anne Francis
Oscar Nominations: 8 Oscar Wins: 1 (Best Actress Barbra Streisand)
I am an unabashed Barbra fan. I really love the woman and her work and there is no way for me to be objective about it. I loved her in freaking Nuts people and even I know that was a terrible movie. So, anything I say is going to come across as very biased but that's the point of this list, right? Anyway, Babs rocks in this movie and there is no other reason to watch it. Yeah, there are other actors but it's all Babs' show as famous stage actress Fanny Brice. Her singing and humor are both awesome and she alternatively funny and sad playing to every emotion. The woman deserved her Oscar, now can someone give her her Oscar for Prince of Tides?
If I have to talk about something other than Babs, let's talk about the music with which I can still talk about the most awesome diva ever. The songs are very memorable. People and Don't Rain on My Parade have both become standards of Babs. There aren't many songs that don't involve Babs singing but the supporting cast does carry what singing it needs. I'm sorry, I'm trying to challenge myself by not talking about Babs but it isn't quite working. Just go see the movie, see the glory of Babs, and realize how gay Will is to rave about her so much.
25. Fantasia (1940)
Directed and written by Quite a few people, really, just hit IMDB for this one people.
Starring Leopold Stokowski, Deems Taylor, The Philadelphia Orchestra, and Walt Disney
Fantasia is more than just a movie, it's an event. There is literally nothing quite like it, not even the rather lackluster Fantasia 2000. Fantasia is animation set to classical music. Some of the sequences have a plot and other don't. They really don't. The animators were just allowed free imagination to do as they please and make it awesome and works. The choice of music is also impeccable and there isn't a sequence that doesn't stand out or not work. Let's talk about my favorite one.
Night on Bald Mountain and Ave Maria are probably the best sequences in the movie, even more so than The Sorcerer's Apprentice. It's basically Evil being vanquished by Good. First is Night on Bald Mountain in which a massive demon, possibly Satan himself, gathers his minions and forces them to dance for his amusement. The sequence is very terrifying, even as an adult. It then goes into the more quiet Ave Maria where pilgrims trek to a holy land. Really, just a brilliant sequence and the use of music is just so powerful in both. It's all rather hard to describe in words so go and rent it on DVD. It's all nice and restored.
Next Time: "You're right, I did lose a million dollars last year. I expect to lose a million dollars this year. I expect to lose a million dollars next year. You know, Mr. Thatcher, at the rate of a million dollars a year, I'll have to close this place in, 60 years." "Yes, I killed him. I killed him for money and for a woman. I didn't get the money and I didn't get the woman. Pretty, isn't it?'"
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The Top 100 Movies of All Time (A Very Biased List): 28 & 27
28. Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003)
27. Kill Bill Vol. 2 (2004)
Directed and Written by Quentin Tarantino
Starring Uma Thurman, David Carradine, Daryl Hannah, Michael Madsen, and Lucy Liu
I know I'm kinda cheating here since these are technically supposed to be one film but there are enough stylistic differences for me to consider it otherwise. Besides, it would have been kinda hard to just talk about it in two paragraphs. This is, to me, Tarantino's masterpiece. We get a lot of the style, genre bending, witty dialogue, and gore that defines him as a director and writer. There is not a single actor who doesn't turn in a performance that is truly awesome. But, let's get into specifics, shall we.
I'm going to start out by talking about one of the best scenes, The House of Blue Leaves aka the scene where The Bride fights a lot of assassins at the same time. The fight choreography is just terrific. Every swing of the sword, the movement of each combatant, it's just so organic and realistic that it doesn't feel scripted. The music, when we get it in the scene, helps so much as well. There is a point where the film turns black and white. This was done to cover up some of the violence but I really think it works. It adds an extra sense of mood to the scene invokes classic kung-fu movies. Then there's the duel between Lucy Liu and Uma. It's probably the second best fight sequence in the movie.
Earlier I said there were some stylistic differences between these two films. This is true. Vol. 1 is much more of a straight forward action movie. We get some character development but it takes a back seat to the kung-fu homage that makes up the majority of part 1. Vol. 2, the movie kinda changes. It get a little bit more heavy into the Kung-fu feeling of Vol. 1 but it also becomes more personal, especially during the last half. The fight between Elle Driver and The Bride is white trash and thrilling at the same time. On one hand we have The Bride, a wronged woman, on the other hand we have Elle, unrepentant murderer who also killed The Bride's master. The raw emotions between the two women makes this scene ultra thrilling but it's nothing compared to the last scene between The Bride and Bill. We don't get much of a fight here but it is still very personal as The Bride is reunited with her daughter.
I enjoy this movie because it's fun but I also enjoy it because it feels like the director had passion doing it. So often, you watch an action movie and it's alright but you know the people were doing it for the cash, nothing more. With Kill Bill, it seems like the people had as much fun making it as the audience does. Uma Thurman is always great under Tarantino's watchful eye and it would be asking too much for her to be in all of his films like Helena Bonham Carter is in all of Tim Burton's these days but it would be nice. They make a great team and you know they enjoy working together. People who like working together make great cinema. Ben Affleck is really only good when he's working with Kevin Smith and they enjoy working together. Really, Kill Bill works because it's a labor of love and it's fun to watch and that is what counts.
Next Time: "Hello, gorgeous." "What you're going to see are the designs and pictures and stories that music inspired in the minds and imaginations of a group of artists. In other words, these are not going to be the interpretations of trained musicians, which I think is all to the good."
27. Kill Bill Vol. 2 (2004)
Directed and Written by Quentin Tarantino
Starring Uma Thurman, David Carradine, Daryl Hannah, Michael Madsen, and Lucy Liu
I know I'm kinda cheating here since these are technically supposed to be one film but there are enough stylistic differences for me to consider it otherwise. Besides, it would have been kinda hard to just talk about it in two paragraphs. This is, to me, Tarantino's masterpiece. We get a lot of the style, genre bending, witty dialogue, and gore that defines him as a director and writer. There is not a single actor who doesn't turn in a performance that is truly awesome. But, let's get into specifics, shall we.
I'm going to start out by talking about one of the best scenes, The House of Blue Leaves aka the scene where The Bride fights a lot of assassins at the same time. The fight choreography is just terrific. Every swing of the sword, the movement of each combatant, it's just so organic and realistic that it doesn't feel scripted. The music, when we get it in the scene, helps so much as well. There is a point where the film turns black and white. This was done to cover up some of the violence but I really think it works. It adds an extra sense of mood to the scene invokes classic kung-fu movies. Then there's the duel between Lucy Liu and Uma. It's probably the second best fight sequence in the movie.
Earlier I said there were some stylistic differences between these two films. This is true. Vol. 1 is much more of a straight forward action movie. We get some character development but it takes a back seat to the kung-fu homage that makes up the majority of part 1. Vol. 2, the movie kinda changes. It get a little bit more heavy into the Kung-fu feeling of Vol. 1 but it also becomes more personal, especially during the last half. The fight between Elle Driver and The Bride is white trash and thrilling at the same time. On one hand we have The Bride, a wronged woman, on the other hand we have Elle, unrepentant murderer who also killed The Bride's master. The raw emotions between the two women makes this scene ultra thrilling but it's nothing compared to the last scene between The Bride and Bill. We don't get much of a fight here but it is still very personal as The Bride is reunited with her daughter.
I enjoy this movie because it's fun but I also enjoy it because it feels like the director had passion doing it. So often, you watch an action movie and it's alright but you know the people were doing it for the cash, nothing more. With Kill Bill, it seems like the people had as much fun making it as the audience does. Uma Thurman is always great under Tarantino's watchful eye and it would be asking too much for her to be in all of his films like Helena Bonham Carter is in all of Tim Burton's these days but it would be nice. They make a great team and you know they enjoy working together. People who like working together make great cinema. Ben Affleck is really only good when he's working with Kevin Smith and they enjoy working together. Really, Kill Bill works because it's a labor of love and it's fun to watch and that is what counts.
Next Time: "Hello, gorgeous." "What you're going to see are the designs and pictures and stories that music inspired in the minds and imaginations of a group of artists. In other words, these are not going to be the interpretations of trained musicians, which I think is all to the good."
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Top 100 Movies of All Time (A Very Biased List): 30 & 29
30. Dogma (1999)
Written and Directed by Kevin Smith
Starring Ben Affleck, George Carlin, Matt Damon, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Jason Lee, Jason Mewes, Alan Rickman, and Chris Rock
What can I say about a movie that has, to some small extent, formed a slight bit of the basis of my religious beliefs? Yeah, I based my technical Agnosticism on a movie but then again, I might consider myself an atheist if not for it so there. The movie is a satire on the Catholic Church but it's so much more than just that. It's also a criticism of most organized religion's problems, namely the fact that most people start worshiping the name rather than what the name stands for. I'm technically a Christian except I choose not to give my creator a name and just try to live by their standards and lessons. Yeah, I know, I got this from a movie that has a living excrement demon. Weird, huh?
The thing about any Kevin Smith movie is that it all comes down to the writing eventually. This is all helped by the fact that Smith grew up Catholic. He knew a lot of the rituals including the obscure one that forms the basis of the plot. One of the things that I especially like are some of the irrelevant non-sequenters. We get a monologue (which I used for auditions during my brief stint with college acting) about John Hughes movies. We get an argument about how The Walrus and the Carpenter from Alice in Wonderland is all about organized religion. But, like all good writing, it comes down to mostly one thing, people sounding natural. The main character, Bethany, reacts like most people would to finding out that they've been chosen for a holy crusade: freak out. Would you react all that well? Didn't think so. A lot of the humor is very profane but it's kinda like South Park: you have a lot of profanity but it's a way of getting people to listen. Once their ears are open, then you can get to the serious stuff.
29. The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)
Directed by Blake Edwards
Screenplay by Blake Edwards and Frank Waldman
Starring Peter Sellers, Herbert Lom, Lesley-Anne Down, Burt Kwouk, and Leonard Rossiter
Oscar Nominations: 1
This is the best film in the entire series. The thing about The Pink Panther movies is the absurdity of them. Between Peter Sellers physical comedy and how he pulls off Clouseau's inept brilliance, it comedy gold. I especially love the premise of this one: The inspector who was all too often on the receiving end of Clouseau's bumbling goes insane and builds a doomsday device just to blackmail the world into killing Clouseau for him. Follow that up with the way that Clouseau manages to take out every single assassin is just the frosting on the cake.
I;d like to take a moment to talk about Peter Sellers now. They don't make actors like Peter Sellers now. In one man, we had someone who could be a huge idiot one second but at the same time convince you he was the most intelligent person you've ever met. Possibly the best comedy actor of all time, I know I'll get the chance to talk about him, and in some length, on another movie on the list but it's always going to be Clouseau that he gets associated with so here's to you Peter.
Next Time: "For those regarded as warriors, when engaged in combat, the vanquishing of thine enemy can be the warrior's only concern. Suppress all human emotion and compassion. Kill whoever stands in thy way, even if that be Lord God or Buddha himself. This truth lies at the heart of the art of combat." "The venom of a black mamba can kill a human in four hours, if, say, bitten on the ankle or the thumb. However, a bite to the face or torso can bring death from paralysis within 20 minutes. Now, you should listen to this, 'cause this concerns you. The amount of venom that can be delivered from a single bite can be gargantuan. You know, I've always liked that word...”gargantuan"... I so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence. If not treated quickly with antivenom, 10 to 15 milligrams can be fatal to human beings. However, the black mamba can deliver as much as 100 to 400 milligrams of venom from a single bite."
Written and Directed by Kevin Smith
Starring Ben Affleck, George Carlin, Matt Damon, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Jason Lee, Jason Mewes, Alan Rickman, and Chris Rock
What can I say about a movie that has, to some small extent, formed a slight bit of the basis of my religious beliefs? Yeah, I based my technical Agnosticism on a movie but then again, I might consider myself an atheist if not for it so there. The movie is a satire on the Catholic Church but it's so much more than just that. It's also a criticism of most organized religion's problems, namely the fact that most people start worshiping the name rather than what the name stands for. I'm technically a Christian except I choose not to give my creator a name and just try to live by their standards and lessons. Yeah, I know, I got this from a movie that has a living excrement demon. Weird, huh?
The thing about any Kevin Smith movie is that it all comes down to the writing eventually. This is all helped by the fact that Smith grew up Catholic. He knew a lot of the rituals including the obscure one that forms the basis of the plot. One of the things that I especially like are some of the irrelevant non-sequenters. We get a monologue (which I used for auditions during my brief stint with college acting) about John Hughes movies. We get an argument about how The Walrus and the Carpenter from Alice in Wonderland is all about organized religion. But, like all good writing, it comes down to mostly one thing, people sounding natural. The main character, Bethany, reacts like most people would to finding out that they've been chosen for a holy crusade: freak out. Would you react all that well? Didn't think so. A lot of the humor is very profane but it's kinda like South Park: you have a lot of profanity but it's a way of getting people to listen. Once their ears are open, then you can get to the serious stuff.
29. The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)
Directed by Blake Edwards
Screenplay by Blake Edwards and Frank Waldman
Starring Peter Sellers, Herbert Lom, Lesley-Anne Down, Burt Kwouk, and Leonard Rossiter
Oscar Nominations: 1
This is the best film in the entire series. The thing about The Pink Panther movies is the absurdity of them. Between Peter Sellers physical comedy and how he pulls off Clouseau's inept brilliance, it comedy gold. I especially love the premise of this one: The inspector who was all too often on the receiving end of Clouseau's bumbling goes insane and builds a doomsday device just to blackmail the world into killing Clouseau for him. Follow that up with the way that Clouseau manages to take out every single assassin is just the frosting on the cake.
I;d like to take a moment to talk about Peter Sellers now. They don't make actors like Peter Sellers now. In one man, we had someone who could be a huge idiot one second but at the same time convince you he was the most intelligent person you've ever met. Possibly the best comedy actor of all time, I know I'll get the chance to talk about him, and in some length, on another movie on the list but it's always going to be Clouseau that he gets associated with so here's to you Peter.
Next Time: "For those regarded as warriors, when engaged in combat, the vanquishing of thine enemy can be the warrior's only concern. Suppress all human emotion and compassion. Kill whoever stands in thy way, even if that be Lord God or Buddha himself. This truth lies at the heart of the art of combat." "The venom of a black mamba can kill a human in four hours, if, say, bitten on the ankle or the thumb. However, a bite to the face or torso can bring death from paralysis within 20 minutes. Now, you should listen to this, 'cause this concerns you. The amount of venom that can be delivered from a single bite can be gargantuan. You know, I've always liked that word...”gargantuan"... I so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence. If not treated quickly with antivenom, 10 to 15 milligrams can be fatal to human beings. However, the black mamba can deliver as much as 100 to 400 milligrams of venom from a single bite."
Monday, December 7, 2009
The Top 100 Movies of All Time (A Very Biased List): 32 & 31
32. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Directed by Jonathan Demme
Screenplay by Ted Tally from the novel by Thomas Harris
Starring Jodie Foster, Anthony Hopkins, Scott Glenn, and Ted Levine
Oscar Nominations: 7 Oscar Wins: 5 (Best Picture, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actress Jodie Foster, Best Actor Anthony Hopkins)
I'm going to start out by saying that Anthony Hopkins is in the film for only about 24 minutes. It seems like a lot more but it's true. That is why the role is so memorable and why some of the later Hannibal Lecter films fail, over-exposure. Hannibal Lecter is one of those film characters that makes the audience uncomfortable and yet he has an air amount him that you can't help but pay attention to. He's humanized but not to the point where you can start sympathizing with him. That would be almost unforgivable. No, it's only to the point where you know this monster is a human being and there's no getting around that. The terrific part of Silence is that everyone is so human and so obsessed. Lecter is obsessed with getting out or at least getting a window. Clarice is obsessed with getting into the FBI to the point where she does some pretty stupid stuff over the course of the film. I mean some really stupid stuff that's over-shadowed by some brilliant stuff. Jack Crawford is obsessed with catching the serial killer. Chilton is obsessed with making himself look competent and failing in every way possible. The characters are so human that they work.
One of the things that I enjoy about The Silence of the Lambs is some of the suspense scenes. Any of Clarice's interviews with Lecter leave the audience breathless since you never know what the hell's going to happen. In fact, any of the scenes with Lecter do that since the character is so methodical that you don't know if he's running a massive Xanatos Gambit or if he's actually just messing with someone's head. For that matter, the ending scene between Clarice and Buffalo Bill is very intense. The kind of movie you've been watching, you seriously don't know if Clarice will live or die and that is what makes this movie grand, such delicious suspense that you can eat it up with a spoon.
31. Young Frankenstein (1974)
Directed by Mel Brooks
Screenplay by Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder
Starring Gene Wilder, Peter Boyle, Marty Feldman, Teri Garr, Madeline Kahn, Cloris Leachman, Kenneth Mars, and Gene Hackman
Oscar Nominations: 2
Mel Brooks is a comedy genius and no where is that more evident than in Young Frankenstein. While many of his later films were just parodies of various movies, Young Frankenstein was a parody of just one and it's a classic. One of the things that just makes this movie work well on so many levels is that the humor is often absurd but it's consistent in that but it also has some more grounded comedy to it as well. The writing is the best part of the film really. Dialogue, singing, everything. I dunno, the humor is often a natural reaction to what came before.
The actor's must be given their dues as well. Cloris Leachmean, ah Cloris, you rock so hardcore. I mean, there is just so many reasons that you are awesome in this movie but let's look at one big one: Horses. The art of the running joke. Enough said. Madeline Khan continues to be awesome in anything she does. The Monster, Peter Doyle is so beautiful as the monster. I mean, a character who really just growls for like half the movie is one of the best. That's the earmark of a great actor and great writing. Gene Wilder as the Doctor is also a great but it's the mark of a great movie when the lead actor who is phenominal, is still not the best part of the movie.
Next time: "The whole book's gender-biased. A woman's responsible for original sin. A woman cuts Samson's coif of power. A woman asks for the head of John the Baptist. Read that book again sometime. Women are painted as bigger antagonists than the Egyptians and Romans combined." "Compared to Clouseau, this doomsday machine is a water pistol!"
Directed by Jonathan Demme
Screenplay by Ted Tally from the novel by Thomas Harris
Starring Jodie Foster, Anthony Hopkins, Scott Glenn, and Ted Levine
Oscar Nominations: 7 Oscar Wins: 5 (Best Picture, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actress Jodie Foster, Best Actor Anthony Hopkins)
I'm going to start out by saying that Anthony Hopkins is in the film for only about 24 minutes. It seems like a lot more but it's true. That is why the role is so memorable and why some of the later Hannibal Lecter films fail, over-exposure. Hannibal Lecter is one of those film characters that makes the audience uncomfortable and yet he has an air amount him that you can't help but pay attention to. He's humanized but not to the point where you can start sympathizing with him. That would be almost unforgivable. No, it's only to the point where you know this monster is a human being and there's no getting around that. The terrific part of Silence is that everyone is so human and so obsessed. Lecter is obsessed with getting out or at least getting a window. Clarice is obsessed with getting into the FBI to the point where she does some pretty stupid stuff over the course of the film. I mean some really stupid stuff that's over-shadowed by some brilliant stuff. Jack Crawford is obsessed with catching the serial killer. Chilton is obsessed with making himself look competent and failing in every way possible. The characters are so human that they work.
One of the things that I enjoy about The Silence of the Lambs is some of the suspense scenes. Any of Clarice's interviews with Lecter leave the audience breathless since you never know what the hell's going to happen. In fact, any of the scenes with Lecter do that since the character is so methodical that you don't know if he's running a massive Xanatos Gambit or if he's actually just messing with someone's head. For that matter, the ending scene between Clarice and Buffalo Bill is very intense. The kind of movie you've been watching, you seriously don't know if Clarice will live or die and that is what makes this movie grand, such delicious suspense that you can eat it up with a spoon.
31. Young Frankenstein (1974)
Directed by Mel Brooks
Screenplay by Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder
Starring Gene Wilder, Peter Boyle, Marty Feldman, Teri Garr, Madeline Kahn, Cloris Leachman, Kenneth Mars, and Gene Hackman
Oscar Nominations: 2
Mel Brooks is a comedy genius and no where is that more evident than in Young Frankenstein. While many of his later films were just parodies of various movies, Young Frankenstein was a parody of just one and it's a classic. One of the things that just makes this movie work well on so many levels is that the humor is often absurd but it's consistent in that but it also has some more grounded comedy to it as well. The writing is the best part of the film really. Dialogue, singing, everything. I dunno, the humor is often a natural reaction to what came before.
The actor's must be given their dues as well. Cloris Leachmean, ah Cloris, you rock so hardcore. I mean, there is just so many reasons that you are awesome in this movie but let's look at one big one: Horses. The art of the running joke. Enough said. Madeline Khan continues to be awesome in anything she does. The Monster, Peter Doyle is so beautiful as the monster. I mean, a character who really just growls for like half the movie is one of the best. That's the earmark of a great actor and great writing. Gene Wilder as the Doctor is also a great but it's the mark of a great movie when the lead actor who is phenominal, is still not the best part of the movie.
Next time: "The whole book's gender-biased. A woman's responsible for original sin. A woman cuts Samson's coif of power. A woman asks for the head of John the Baptist. Read that book again sometime. Women are painted as bigger antagonists than the Egyptians and Romans combined." "Compared to Clouseau, this doomsday machine is a water pistol!"
Friday, December 4, 2009
The Top 100 Movies of all Time (A Very Biased List) 34 & 33
34. Pulp Fiction (1994)
Directed by Quentin Tarantino
Screenplay by Quentin Tarantino & Roger Avary
Starring John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Uma Thurman, Harvey Keitel, and Bruce Willis
Oscar Nominations: 7 Oscar Wins: 1 (Best Original Screenplay)
Say what you will about his film making, one can never accuse Tarantino of not having style. The man has it in spades. Down to the soundtrack choice, everything is just so cool. You go to a Tarantino film for the whole package. The visuals, the acting, the music, and most of all, the dialogue. Dear God is the man awesome with his dialogue. The way the characters speak, the dialogue coming out rapid fire, the little pop culture references. This is how I wish people talked. yes, a lot of it is profanity but it doesn't really matter. People are still witty. The structure of the film is also a plus. It's kinda disjointed and the best segment is the second with Uma Thurman and John Travolta but the entire movie is fun and great cinema.
A special note needs to be paid to the acting on this one. Having great dialogue is awesome but if your actors can't act, it means nothing. All of the actors strike it out of the park. Uma Thurman is one of my favorite actors but she is definitely in her element in any Tarantino film and this one especially. Her Mia Wallace is both sexy and someone who wants to have fun at the same time. She has excellent chemistry with John Travolta and their dancing scene is one of the best I've ever seen. Bruce Willis as well is great as a pugilist who has to escape a mobster. He has a surprising amount of honor and he meshes so well with the film as a whole. Finally, Sam Jackson. What is there not to love about Sam Jackson's part in the movie? Equal parts warrior and philosopher, he is the highlight of the film and the main reason to watch it. I could just watch his scene where he pontificates in the diner so many times and never get tired of it.
33. Psycho (1960)
Directed by Alfred Hitchcock
Screenplay by Joseph Stefano & Samuel A. Taylor from a novel by Robert Bloch
Starring Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh, Vera Miles, John Gavin, and Martin Balsam
Oscar Nominations: 4
It takes a lot of nerve to kill off your main character in the first hour of the film and that is just one of the reasons that Psycho works as well as it does. It shocks you. While we take for granted the twists in the movie now, back then this was a shocking movie and the ending was the king of all awesome endings. No one saw it coming and that is why the movie works. The death of Marion Ross is something that everyone expects but you see the plot at the beginning and you don't expect her to die. You expect something to happen with the suitcase of money that she stole from work. But nothing happens. It's like the movie actually changes half way through and takes you by surprise in the process.
Really, it's hard saying anything about Psycho that hasn't already been seen. The music is terrific, the acting is top notch, there is nothing wrong with this film at all. The only reason that it doesn't rank higher is that there are a few hokey moments and the movie does take a few minutes to get going and there are a few times that it stalls. Still, the suspense to perfect. By the way, the Hitchcock cameo is about seven minutes in. He in a window wearing a hat.
Next Time: "I'm having an old friend for dinner." "From that fateful day when stinking bits of slime first crawled from the sea and shouted to the cold stars, "I am man!", our greatest dread has always been the knowledge of our mortality. But tonight, we shall hurl the gauntlet of science into the frightful face of death itself. Tonight, we shall ascend into the heavens. We shall mock the earthquake. We shall command the thunders, and penetrate into the very womb of impervious nature herself."
Directed by Quentin Tarantino
Screenplay by Quentin Tarantino & Roger Avary
Starring John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Uma Thurman, Harvey Keitel, and Bruce Willis
Oscar Nominations: 7 Oscar Wins: 1 (Best Original Screenplay)
Say what you will about his film making, one can never accuse Tarantino of not having style. The man has it in spades. Down to the soundtrack choice, everything is just so cool. You go to a Tarantino film for the whole package. The visuals, the acting, the music, and most of all, the dialogue. Dear God is the man awesome with his dialogue. The way the characters speak, the dialogue coming out rapid fire, the little pop culture references. This is how I wish people talked. yes, a lot of it is profanity but it doesn't really matter. People are still witty. The structure of the film is also a plus. It's kinda disjointed and the best segment is the second with Uma Thurman and John Travolta but the entire movie is fun and great cinema.
A special note needs to be paid to the acting on this one. Having great dialogue is awesome but if your actors can't act, it means nothing. All of the actors strike it out of the park. Uma Thurman is one of my favorite actors but she is definitely in her element in any Tarantino film and this one especially. Her Mia Wallace is both sexy and someone who wants to have fun at the same time. She has excellent chemistry with John Travolta and their dancing scene is one of the best I've ever seen. Bruce Willis as well is great as a pugilist who has to escape a mobster. He has a surprising amount of honor and he meshes so well with the film as a whole. Finally, Sam Jackson. What is there not to love about Sam Jackson's part in the movie? Equal parts warrior and philosopher, he is the highlight of the film and the main reason to watch it. I could just watch his scene where he pontificates in the diner so many times and never get tired of it.
33. Psycho (1960)
Directed by Alfred Hitchcock
Screenplay by Joseph Stefano & Samuel A. Taylor from a novel by Robert Bloch
Starring Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh, Vera Miles, John Gavin, and Martin Balsam
Oscar Nominations: 4
It takes a lot of nerve to kill off your main character in the first hour of the film and that is just one of the reasons that Psycho works as well as it does. It shocks you. While we take for granted the twists in the movie now, back then this was a shocking movie and the ending was the king of all awesome endings. No one saw it coming and that is why the movie works. The death of Marion Ross is something that everyone expects but you see the plot at the beginning and you don't expect her to die. You expect something to happen with the suitcase of money that she stole from work. But nothing happens. It's like the movie actually changes half way through and takes you by surprise in the process.
Really, it's hard saying anything about Psycho that hasn't already been seen. The music is terrific, the acting is top notch, there is nothing wrong with this film at all. The only reason that it doesn't rank higher is that there are a few hokey moments and the movie does take a few minutes to get going and there are a few times that it stalls. Still, the suspense to perfect. By the way, the Hitchcock cameo is about seven minutes in. He in a window wearing a hat.
Next Time: "I'm having an old friend for dinner." "From that fateful day when stinking bits of slime first crawled from the sea and shouted to the cold stars, "I am man!", our greatest dread has always been the knowledge of our mortality. But tonight, we shall hurl the gauntlet of science into the frightful face of death itself. Tonight, we shall ascend into the heavens. We shall mock the earthquake. We shall command the thunders, and penetrate into the very womb of impervious nature herself."
Thursday, December 3, 2009
The Top 100 Movies of All Time (A Very Biased List): 36 & 35
36. In the Heat of the Night (1967)
Directed by Norman Jewson
Screenplay by Stirling Silliphant from the novel by John Ball
Starring Sidney Poitier, Rod Steiger, and Lee Grant
Oscar Nominations: 7 Oscar Wins: 5 (Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actor Rod Steiger, Best Editing, Best Sound)
A stunning movie about racial tensions in the south. A racist police chief arrests a black man passing through town on murder charges. The man is actually a respected homicide detective in Philly. What follows is a mystery, a movie about prejudice, and a cop film. The mystery is good. We see the murderer in the very first scene and it makes sense the second time around, especially with the clue we're given. However the motive takes some time and it's just so controversial and race was really just a red herring. But it also isn't.
The two main actors perfectly get across the main theme of the film. Rod Stiger's character growth is just stunning. At first, he's more than happy to put the black man away, thinking just because he has a fair amount of money that he killed the rich guy. He grows, asking Sidney Poitier's Vergil Tibbs for help. He even, by the end, learns to thanks him when he realizes they're not all that different. Tibbs also makes mistakes, going off of a prejudice against the rich white man on the hill. It shows that everyone is a little bit racist, that while you have to be taught to hate, you can learn not to as well.
35. Fargo (1996)
Directed and screenplay by Joel and Ethan Coen
Starring William H. Macy, Frances McDormand, Steve Buscemi, Peter Stormare, and Harve Presnell
Oscar Nominations: 7 Oscar Wins: 2 (Best Actress Frances McDormand, Best Original Screenplay)
Fargo is quirky and possibly one of the best written movies I have seen from the nineties. It just has so many things going for it. Its main theme is just this haunting tune that undertones the seriousness of the film. Yet it's not completely serious. It does switch between the two so easily that it's natural. You almost don't notice. The dialogue is just so smart as well. It feels like how people talk, there's the awkwardness there, and it just does millions of bits of good for the movie. Another major point to the movie is the cinematography. It captures the spirit of a northern Midwest Winter so perfectly, the cold, the underlying cold to it's beauty.
There are two performances that I have to highlight here. The first is going to be William H. Macy as a car dealer who sets up the kidnapping of his wife to make some extra money. The desperation and nervousness of the character causes a fair amount of comedy but it also adds that extra bit of drama that makes the movie rock. It's a serious role that highlights a terrific actor. The other is Frances McDormand. The role is kinda hokey but it's also so true. Like Macy's, it's serious but funny at the same time. It also has the extra dimension in that the character is pregnant so McDormand has to to add an extra element to her movement as well. This is what good acting is made of: becoming a character, doing more than add an accent, add a movement to it as well. I love character actors.
Next Time: "A Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call it 'Le Big Mac'." "We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you?"
Directed by Norman Jewson
Screenplay by Stirling Silliphant from the novel by John Ball
Starring Sidney Poitier, Rod Steiger, and Lee Grant
Oscar Nominations: 7 Oscar Wins: 5 (Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actor Rod Steiger, Best Editing, Best Sound)
A stunning movie about racial tensions in the south. A racist police chief arrests a black man passing through town on murder charges. The man is actually a respected homicide detective in Philly. What follows is a mystery, a movie about prejudice, and a cop film. The mystery is good. We see the murderer in the very first scene and it makes sense the second time around, especially with the clue we're given. However the motive takes some time and it's just so controversial and race was really just a red herring. But it also isn't.
The two main actors perfectly get across the main theme of the film. Rod Stiger's character growth is just stunning. At first, he's more than happy to put the black man away, thinking just because he has a fair amount of money that he killed the rich guy. He grows, asking Sidney Poitier's Vergil Tibbs for help. He even, by the end, learns to thanks him when he realizes they're not all that different. Tibbs also makes mistakes, going off of a prejudice against the rich white man on the hill. It shows that everyone is a little bit racist, that while you have to be taught to hate, you can learn not to as well.
35. Fargo (1996)
Directed and screenplay by Joel and Ethan Coen
Starring William H. Macy, Frances McDormand, Steve Buscemi, Peter Stormare, and Harve Presnell
Oscar Nominations: 7 Oscar Wins: 2 (Best Actress Frances McDormand, Best Original Screenplay)
Fargo is quirky and possibly one of the best written movies I have seen from the nineties. It just has so many things going for it. Its main theme is just this haunting tune that undertones the seriousness of the film. Yet it's not completely serious. It does switch between the two so easily that it's natural. You almost don't notice. The dialogue is just so smart as well. It feels like how people talk, there's the awkwardness there, and it just does millions of bits of good for the movie. Another major point to the movie is the cinematography. It captures the spirit of a northern Midwest Winter so perfectly, the cold, the underlying cold to it's beauty.
There are two performances that I have to highlight here. The first is going to be William H. Macy as a car dealer who sets up the kidnapping of his wife to make some extra money. The desperation and nervousness of the character causes a fair amount of comedy but it also adds that extra bit of drama that makes the movie rock. It's a serious role that highlights a terrific actor. The other is Frances McDormand. The role is kinda hokey but it's also so true. Like Macy's, it's serious but funny at the same time. It also has the extra dimension in that the character is pregnant so McDormand has to to add an extra element to her movement as well. This is what good acting is made of: becoming a character, doing more than add an accent, add a movement to it as well. I love character actors.
Next Time: "A Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call it 'Le Big Mac'." "We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you?"
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
The Top 100 Movies of All Time (A Very Biased List): 38 & 37
38. The Exorcist (1973)
Directed by William Friedkin
Written by William Peter Blattly from his novel
Starring Ellen Burstyn, Linda Blair, Max von Sydow, and Jason Miller
Oscar Nominations: 10 Oscar Wins: 2 (Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Sound)
There are so many things to love about The Exorcist. Let's talk about the story. Based on a supposedly true story, it's about a little girl possessed by a demon. However, the story is so much more than that. In addition to a number of scenes that are just down right creepy, there are the other plots. The buildup to the climatic exorcism scene is where much of the drama happens. From the first time that Regan mentions her imaginary friend, Captain Howdy, you know something is wrong. The nightmarish imagery that follows pulls the audience in, making them believe that this little girl is, in fact, possessed by something that should exist.The people around her react the only way that one should and that's where this movie gets truly scary. It's really psychological, most of the people think that Regan is just insane. I don't think any of us would seriously think someone we know could be possessed. That's where the movie gets scary.
The performances and their subplots are where the movie shine. I've already kinda touched on Linda Blair performance as a little girl possessed. Father Karras, played by Jason Miller, is a young priest doubting his faith. The scenes with his mother where he is racked with guilt for having to put her in a nursing home where she dies alone is sad, so very sad. Max Van Sydow's Father Merrin is truly terrific. Equal parts mystic and human, every one of his scenes rocks. The music, in particular the signature Tubular Bells, the song most people associate with the movie, is beautiful and creepy and helps convey an otherworldiness that the movie would otherwise be missing. Then there's the exorcism scene at the end. There really isn't a good way to describe it. It's one of the most famous scenes in film history and must be seen to be appreciated.
37. West Side Story (1961)
Directed by Jerome Robbins and Robert Wise
Screenplay by Ernest Lehman from the play by Arthur Laurents
Music by Leonard Bernstein, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim
Starring Natalie Wood, Richard Beymer, Rita Moreno, and George Chakiris
Oscar Nominations: 11 Oscar Wins: 10 (Best Picture, Best Director Jerome Robbins and Robert Wise, Best Supporting Actress Rita Moreno, Best Supporting Actor George Chakiris, Best Color Cinematography, Best Color Costumes, Best Editing, Best Set Direction Color, Best Score, Best Sound)
I'll get my one beef out of the way. Natalie Wood doesn't do her own singing. There, with that out of the way, God this movie is good. Let's start with the choreography. This is perhaps some of the best I have ever seen in a musical. It almost puts Fosse to shame. One needs to only look at Mambo to know this. Yes, a lot of the fight are just dancing but at the same time, it's a musical. Get over it. Besides, most fights scenes in movies are a series of choreographed moves, these ones are just more stylized. The use of color is another plus of the movie. It looks nice, feels natural, and adds a brightness when necessary to the film. The acting as well brilliant. The teenagers actually feel like teenagers. Rita Moreno, while not nearly as good as Chita Rivera, still puts in a good performance.
That said, let's talk about the music. This is the reason to watch West Side Story. The Leonard Bernstein score is perhaps one of the best in cinema history. It's iconic, beautiful, and resonating all at the same time. While a lot of films use their music a crutch for emotion, West Side Story embraces the music, says, "Yeah, I'm going to use the music to manipulate you and you're going to enjoy it." and you do. I can't say much about the voices since most of them are over-dubbed by other actors. I mean, seriously, of the four leads, only one did their own singing. Oh well, it happens. Can't help it. Just remember actors of today though, that will not be tolerated. Don't accept a role in a musical if you can't freaking sing. That is all.
Next Time: "I got the motive which is money, and the body which is dead." "There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don't you know that?"
Directed by William Friedkin
Written by William Peter Blattly from his novel
Starring Ellen Burstyn, Linda Blair, Max von Sydow, and Jason Miller
Oscar Nominations: 10 Oscar Wins: 2 (Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Sound)
There are so many things to love about The Exorcist. Let's talk about the story. Based on a supposedly true story, it's about a little girl possessed by a demon. However, the story is so much more than that. In addition to a number of scenes that are just down right creepy, there are the other plots. The buildup to the climatic exorcism scene is where much of the drama happens. From the first time that Regan mentions her imaginary friend, Captain Howdy, you know something is wrong. The nightmarish imagery that follows pulls the audience in, making them believe that this little girl is, in fact, possessed by something that should exist.The people around her react the only way that one should and that's where this movie gets truly scary. It's really psychological, most of the people think that Regan is just insane. I don't think any of us would seriously think someone we know could be possessed. That's where the movie gets scary.
The performances and their subplots are where the movie shine. I've already kinda touched on Linda Blair performance as a little girl possessed. Father Karras, played by Jason Miller, is a young priest doubting his faith. The scenes with his mother where he is racked with guilt for having to put her in a nursing home where she dies alone is sad, so very sad. Max Van Sydow's Father Merrin is truly terrific. Equal parts mystic and human, every one of his scenes rocks. The music, in particular the signature Tubular Bells, the song most people associate with the movie, is beautiful and creepy and helps convey an otherworldiness that the movie would otherwise be missing. Then there's the exorcism scene at the end. There really isn't a good way to describe it. It's one of the most famous scenes in film history and must be seen to be appreciated.
37. West Side Story (1961)
Directed by Jerome Robbins and Robert Wise
Screenplay by Ernest Lehman from the play by Arthur Laurents
Music by Leonard Bernstein, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim
Starring Natalie Wood, Richard Beymer, Rita Moreno, and George Chakiris
Oscar Nominations: 11 Oscar Wins: 10 (Best Picture, Best Director Jerome Robbins and Robert Wise, Best Supporting Actress Rita Moreno, Best Supporting Actor George Chakiris, Best Color Cinematography, Best Color Costumes, Best Editing, Best Set Direction Color, Best Score, Best Sound)
I'll get my one beef out of the way. Natalie Wood doesn't do her own singing. There, with that out of the way, God this movie is good. Let's start with the choreography. This is perhaps some of the best I have ever seen in a musical. It almost puts Fosse to shame. One needs to only look at Mambo to know this. Yes, a lot of the fight are just dancing but at the same time, it's a musical. Get over it. Besides, most fights scenes in movies are a series of choreographed moves, these ones are just more stylized. The use of color is another plus of the movie. It looks nice, feels natural, and adds a brightness when necessary to the film. The acting as well brilliant. The teenagers actually feel like teenagers. Rita Moreno, while not nearly as good as Chita Rivera, still puts in a good performance.
That said, let's talk about the music. This is the reason to watch West Side Story. The Leonard Bernstein score is perhaps one of the best in cinema history. It's iconic, beautiful, and resonating all at the same time. While a lot of films use their music a crutch for emotion, West Side Story embraces the music, says, "Yeah, I'm going to use the music to manipulate you and you're going to enjoy it." and you do. I can't say much about the voices since most of them are over-dubbed by other actors. I mean, seriously, of the four leads, only one did their own singing. Oh well, it happens. Can't help it. Just remember actors of today though, that will not be tolerated. Don't accept a role in a musical if you can't freaking sing. That is all.
Next Time: "I got the motive which is money, and the body which is dead." "There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don't you know that?"
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Top 100 Movies of All Time (A Very Biased List): 40 & 39
Format Change! I'm moving to two movies at a time but I'm going to get more in depth on them so who wins? You win!
40. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
Directed by Tim Burton
Screenplay by John Logan from the Musical by Stephen Sondheim and Hugh Wheeler
Music by Stephen Sondheim
Starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman, and Timothy Spall
Oscar Nominations: 3 Oscar Wins: 1 (Best Art Direction)
I know I say this a lot but this movie is a fine, four course meal for the senses, hopefully none of those courses being meat pie. I don't think anyone could have brought justice to Sondheim's masterpiece quite like Tim Burton. The man just knows how to capture the dark brilliance of Sondheim's piece just perfectly. The black humor is heightened by the dark and moody cinematography. The couple of bright scenes just look equally as disturbing.Really, the visual and musical effects work well in concert. This isn't even getting into the costumes. Carter's dresses really just accentuate her character's attributes. That wasn't supposed to sound dirty. Sorry. But anyway, it helps get across she's on hard times as the beginning and also later that she is in good times as well.
The performances are just top of the notch. Let me get my favorite out of the way: Helena Bonham Carter. Yes, she got the part because she's Tim Burton's lover. That doesn't change that she is a great Mrs. Lovett. You can believe that she loves this man and is willing to take advantage of and feed his psychosis to make great food. Her voice also works for the part and she still looks lovely much of the time. Depp is also stunning in this role. He does his own singing and it works very well. He really gets through Sweeney's sadness and desperation while also making us believe that he would commit murder without a second thought as long as it served his purpose. Finally, Alan Rickman, he just gets the sliminess that Turpin has to display just perfect. These three roles, if miscast or done incorrectly, would have killed the whole of the film. As is, they work well and in spades. Really, the only thing that doesn't work in this movie are the young lovers but even they can be overlooked since they're mainly around to help the plot move and to show the corruption of London and that there is no innocence there.
39. The Music Man (1962)
Directed by Morton DaCosta
Written by Meredith Willson and Marion Hargrove from the Musical by Meredith Willson
Music by Meredith Willson
Starring Robert Preston, Shirley Jones, Buddy Hackett, and Ron Howard
Oscar Nominations: 6 Oscar Wins: 1 (Best Scoring, adaptation)
As a warning, there are going to be a fair amount of musicals at this point. Thank you. That said, wow. The Music Man. Filled with some of the most freaking catchy music ever written. That alone is enough to praise this movie. However, there is so much else. Let's start with the acting. I'm not normally a fan of "Talk-Singing" but I let it pass in this one for Robert Preston's performance as con-man Harold Hill. He gets a wonderful bit of wit and romance in there. Buddy Hackett fills the standard sidekick role perfectly as well. I know most people are familiar with Shipoopi mainly because Seth McFarlane sang it on Family Guy but this is the best guy possible singing it. However, the real stars of this movie as Shirley Jones and Ron Howard.
Shirley Jones is stunning. Like good looking but also a terrific actress also. She plays the cold intellectual well in the movie but also plays the concerned aunt and the lover well also. She comes across as someone who has been hurt but also warms up perfectly. The same goes for Ron Howard. Child actors are a dime a dozen but it's rare to find one that you can look at and say, "He's going to be great." That's what we got here. He would later enthrall us in Happy Days and become one the best directors of his generation as well as being a terrific narrator on Arrested Development. You can see that brilliance starting to shine here and that is part of makes this movie so remarkable.
Next Time: "There's not a day in my life that I don't feel like a fraud. Other priests, doctors, lawyers - I talk to them all. I don't know anyone who hasn't felt that." "Well, I can kill too because now I have hate!"
40. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
Directed by Tim Burton
Screenplay by John Logan from the Musical by Stephen Sondheim and Hugh Wheeler
Music by Stephen Sondheim
Starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman, and Timothy Spall
Oscar Nominations: 3 Oscar Wins: 1 (Best Art Direction)
I know I say this a lot but this movie is a fine, four course meal for the senses, hopefully none of those courses being meat pie. I don't think anyone could have brought justice to Sondheim's masterpiece quite like Tim Burton. The man just knows how to capture the dark brilliance of Sondheim's piece just perfectly. The black humor is heightened by the dark and moody cinematography. The couple of bright scenes just look equally as disturbing.Really, the visual and musical effects work well in concert. This isn't even getting into the costumes. Carter's dresses really just accentuate her character's attributes. That wasn't supposed to sound dirty. Sorry. But anyway, it helps get across she's on hard times as the beginning and also later that she is in good times as well.
The performances are just top of the notch. Let me get my favorite out of the way: Helena Bonham Carter. Yes, she got the part because she's Tim Burton's lover. That doesn't change that she is a great Mrs. Lovett. You can believe that she loves this man and is willing to take advantage of and feed his psychosis to make great food. Her voice also works for the part and she still looks lovely much of the time. Depp is also stunning in this role. He does his own singing and it works very well. He really gets through Sweeney's sadness and desperation while also making us believe that he would commit murder without a second thought as long as it served his purpose. Finally, Alan Rickman, he just gets the sliminess that Turpin has to display just perfect. These three roles, if miscast or done incorrectly, would have killed the whole of the film. As is, they work well and in spades. Really, the only thing that doesn't work in this movie are the young lovers but even they can be overlooked since they're mainly around to help the plot move and to show the corruption of London and that there is no innocence there.
39. The Music Man (1962)
Directed by Morton DaCosta
Written by Meredith Willson and Marion Hargrove from the Musical by Meredith Willson
Music by Meredith Willson
Starring Robert Preston, Shirley Jones, Buddy Hackett, and Ron Howard
Oscar Nominations: 6 Oscar Wins: 1 (Best Scoring, adaptation)
As a warning, there are going to be a fair amount of musicals at this point. Thank you. That said, wow. The Music Man. Filled with some of the most freaking catchy music ever written. That alone is enough to praise this movie. However, there is so much else. Let's start with the acting. I'm not normally a fan of "Talk-Singing" but I let it pass in this one for Robert Preston's performance as con-man Harold Hill. He gets a wonderful bit of wit and romance in there. Buddy Hackett fills the standard sidekick role perfectly as well. I know most people are familiar with Shipoopi mainly because Seth McFarlane sang it on Family Guy but this is the best guy possible singing it. However, the real stars of this movie as Shirley Jones and Ron Howard.
Shirley Jones is stunning. Like good looking but also a terrific actress also. She plays the cold intellectual well in the movie but also plays the concerned aunt and the lover well also. She comes across as someone who has been hurt but also warms up perfectly. The same goes for Ron Howard. Child actors are a dime a dozen but it's rare to find one that you can look at and say, "He's going to be great." That's what we got here. He would later enthrall us in Happy Days and become one the best directors of his generation as well as being a terrific narrator on Arrested Development. You can see that brilliance starting to shine here and that is part of makes this movie so remarkable.
Next Time: "There's not a day in my life that I don't feel like a fraud. Other priests, doctors, lawyers - I talk to them all. I don't know anyone who hasn't felt that." "Well, I can kill too because now I have hate!"
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