The Christmas Experiment 2012: Hours 3 & 4

Let's go back to that period of time known as the Late 80s/Early 90s (yes, I know that's not a real period of time. So sue me.)

Knight Rider: Ah, nothing screams the 80s quite like David Hasslehoff's hair. Also, the teaser for the episode gives away so much of the episode's plots. This episode, "Silent Knight" is so much fun. First off, it starts with just a scene of Hasslehoff driving while Yes's "Owner of a Lonely Heart" playing. It then turns into Hasslehoff having to buy a suit. What follows is a fairly standard plot about Hasslehoff helping a gypsy kid with a perm who can identify a bunch of bank robbers. They bond, we get another montage of driving with pop music of the time that I can't identify, and lots of shots of Hasslehoff's chest hair peaking out of his shirt. Hasslehoff drops him off with a bunch of fellow gypsies until the thieves catch up and kidnap him. The kid steals the robber's car while the Hoff goes to harass the gypsies until they admit they helped set the kid up for money. This all ends in a cornfield since Christmas and Corn go together like driving a car and a terrible cover of Eye of the Tiger. The day is saved. Hoorah.

It's worth noting that this is more an episode that takes place at Christmas rather than a Christmas episode. Most of the Christmas stuff comes from Hasslehoff having to go to a Christmas Party that he doesn't want to attend and, if he doesn't buy real formalwear, having to wear something out of the 18th century. The entire Formalwear plotline is never resolved, sadly.

Regardless of this all, we also learn that KITT, the talking car, doesn't understand Christmas. He has to learn about the holiday because why the hell not? Hasslehoff tries to teach the freaking talking car about the spirit of the holiday but this mostly results in the car becoming more generous. The car also has to go Christmas shopping at one point. HOW DOES A CAR GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING?!?!?

Tarzan: This episode, "Tarzan's Christmas" is from the 90s series.First off, it's a half hour series starring a man by the name if Wolf Anderson with a mullet in a loin cloth. Also, despite being from 1990, it is so 80s. They make liberal use of the famous Tarzan call, Jane is French for some reason, they decorate a Palm Tree, and Tarzan learns about death from an old chimp dieing. It's all so Tarzan can learn the true meaning of Christmas. In reality, Tarzan just kinda stares into the middle distance in close-up and pretends he understands something that isn't oiling himself up. Also, Tarzan lets out a "NOOOOOO!" when the old chimp dies. Anyway, everyone has Christmas. Its all kinda boring.

Also, Tarzan has a teenage boy sidekick who likes to play really loud music that annoys Tarzan's native friend. The music? Flight of the Valkyries. I could make a highly inappropriate joke but nah.

She's judging my writing.

The Cosby Show: I figure I need to get some sitcoms in here so fine, The Cosby Show. I haven't covered it before. It's an episode from the last season, "Claire's Place" which means a little too much of Raven Symone. On the bright side, Claire Huxtable. What we get is the radiance of Claire Huxtable as she enjoys having a room of her very own where no one else enters. This means, we get what is basically a one woman show with occasional Bill Cosby and Company interludes. Christmas is only kinda a tangential element to the episode. It's mainly relegated to Cosby and family getting ready for Christmas. But once again, this little because we get Claire Huxtable dancing and, at one point, giving her signature glare at a person on the phone and then give suggestive glances at Billy Cosby. Thankfully things cut away before they get to... that point. I love Claire Huxtable but I don't think my senses could withstand seeing.... that.

Non-Viewing Thoughts: I really should get a real bed at some point. I think I've almost hit the age where sleeping on a futon is kinda sad and pathetic.

Late Christmas Ideas: A buff guy in a loin cloth or, barring that, an 80's theme song opening credit sequence..

Notable Commercials: There's a commercial where Gwen Steffani tries to sell us the Windows Phone. In the commercial, she uses Skype. On a phone. That seems all kinda of lazy and/or there.

Also, we get the Armani cologne commercial again with the guy in the speedo. Still not sure if I like it or not.


Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 23
Amps left: 4
Pumpkin Pie Left: 5/6ths left.
Sanity Rating: (1 hair normal people wear, 10 being a combo perm/mullet): 4