Thoughts: Ah, the yearly rewatch. If you want to read any of my previous thoughts, click on the tag down below. As for this year, well, I don't know.I'm of two minds on the subject of the current state of my life. The Griswald family Christmas makes little sense from the mind of a rational person.It all feels like it's going to collapse in like a turkey. Not only that, but the Frank Shirley's of the world feel like they're always going to screw us over. If we let them, our lives will suck. Christmas Vacation has the most impact on me when I'm sleep deprived. I still love it but it helps me center myself.
I sometimes wonder if the catharsis of doing this is wearing off? I don't really now. I I love Christmas Vacation.Hell, it's just Christmas. Someone started complaining on Facebook about non-Christians celebrating Christmas and that kinda got me down. The thing is, Christmas still has that means to Christians but Christmas has grown beyond that. It's a season of togetherness and, more than that, good will. Oh, sure, people will always over-commercialize it but that's true of both the spiritual and secular Christmas. The Christmas Star can be a thing of beauty or the light on the sewage. Just depends on what you make of it.
Non-Viewing Thoughts:I am really looking forward to seeing American Hustle tomorrow.
Late
Christmas Ideas:How many years have I been doing this? That many? Great. So, what are my freaking Moose Glasses? I've been waiting this long and still none. C'MON PEOPLE!
Final Tally:
Mountain Dews Drank: 3
Amps Drank: 0
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 1/3rd left.
Sanity
Rating: (1 being something that needs to sleep desperately, 10 being ehh, might as well stay ip longer ):6
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
The Christmas Experiment 2013 Hours 21+22: Random Christmas Stuff
Time for some more Christmas Specials.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas: Yep. The good one. Let's list off the reasons this rocks.
Happy Endings, "No-Ho-Ho": The episode where Jane has a Christmas birthday. Max is awesome, the nog totally looks like something else, Christmas-anity.
Pokemon, Holiday Hi-Jynx: Woo, slight racism. Jynx is a pokemon... who looks like a black stereotype. She works for Santa Claus who keeps pictures of him in his boots. Well, she doesn't so much work for Santa as she's part of a labor force of Jinx's that do all of Santa's labor force.The pokemon. That looks like a racial stereotype. Do Santa's unpaid labor. Yeah, that's pretty dang racist there. It makes no sense but whatever. Ash saves Santa Claus. That's pretty much it.
The Looney Tunes Show, "A Christmas Carol": I haven't watched a version of a Christmas Carol this season. During an incredibly terrible heatwave, Lola Bunny saves Christmas by doing the worst production of a Christmas Carol ever. It's super-adorable, funny, and has genuine moments of the Christmas Spirit.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: If I had three ghosts to visit me, trying to teach me the spirit of Christmas, I'd ask them why they're wasting time on me when there are some downright evil people out there compared to me.
Late Christmas Ideas: The ability to appreciate egg nog. Seriously, I don't like the taste of it all. At all. I feel like I'm missing out on part of Christmas.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 9
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 1/3rd left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being the most random collection of things compiled together, 10 being finding the hidden meaning within that leads to the vast Illuminati conspiracy):6Hey Prof.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas: Yep. The good one. Let's list off the reasons this rocks.
- Chuck Jones and Boris Carloff come together.
- There is no reason the Grinch really hates Christmas. It's just something he does.
- It feels like someone animated the book and added Christmas.
- Mr. Grinch is a nearly perfect song. For that matter, so is most of the music.
- There are really only three characters and that's all the plot needs.
- There really is an innocence to the special. There is a commercialization message to it is there but it's not overstated and doesn't defeat it's own purpose.
- Is the ending sentimental? Yes, but it is totally earned.
Happy Endings, "No-Ho-Ho": The episode where Jane has a Christmas birthday. Max is awesome, the nog totally looks like something else, Christmas-anity.
The Looney Tunes Show, "A Christmas Carol": I haven't watched a version of a Christmas Carol this season. During an incredibly terrible heatwave, Lola Bunny saves Christmas by doing the worst production of a Christmas Carol ever. It's super-adorable, funny, and has genuine moments of the Christmas Spirit.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: If I had three ghosts to visit me, trying to teach me the spirit of Christmas, I'd ask them why they're wasting time on me when there are some downright evil people out there compared to me.
Late Christmas Ideas: The ability to appreciate egg nog. Seriously, I don't like the taste of it all. At all. I feel like I'm missing out on part of Christmas.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 9
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 1/3rd left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being the most random collection of things compiled together, 10 being finding the hidden meaning within that leads to the vast Illuminati conspiracy):6Hey Prof.
The Christmas Experiment 2013 Hour 19+20: Monday Night Raw
Monday Night Raw: I'm a wrestling fan. It happens. Don't judge me. It's promising the batte if the Santas with Marc Henry as good Santa. EVERYONE WINS!!! That said, it's been a few months since I've even tried to keep up with wrestling. I think HHH is a heel again. Not quite sure.
Here's the thing. The fun part is isn't been a few month since the last time I watched wrestling so, outside of Cena, I can't remember who's a heel and who's a face. I think Randy Orton is a heel but I can never tell since the guy has acted like a heel the entire I've watched but he seems to always be called a face.
Randy Orton, who's the world Champion, makes it sound like he's prostituting himself because he said he's offering himself as a present... I think. He said his present was wrapped in a bow.
And now a Divas match. Once again, for the wrestling illiterate, WWE Divas are the female wrestlers. They're almost as terrible as Jeffy. I heard the term, "Sexy Fruit Roll-up." I wish I could make the up. A Divas match is just them padding time and giving you time to use the facilities.
Okay, this next match are what I'm refering to as Psycho Hillbillies vs Cody Rhodes (who is apparently dishing), Golddust (who has a full body gimp costume), and Daniel Bryan who a healthy beard. One of the Psycho Hillbillies has a lamb mask. I... I think it's a response to Duck Dynasty. I wish I knew what the hell was going on with the Psycho Hillbillies. Regardless, everyone involved in this match really seems to be into it. There's no one who's boring to watch. Everyone is pretty dynamic here. I think the Psycho Hillbillies also have some kinda Manson Family Schtick also. The Psycho Hillbillies win but then the fight goes on with them beating up on a guy. Ehh, it happens.
A kid gets worried that Christmas will get canceled. The kid is the worst actor ever. Good Santa says it won't be.
There's a wrestler called Fandango. Not only can he punch you but he can also tell you when your movie is.
So, it's the Good Santa vs Bad Santa fight. There's also a toilet in the ring... for some reason. I... I don't know. It's a pretty crappy fight. (Sorry for the bad pun). Anyway, Good Santa wins.
John Cena shows up. I immediately want to start punching him with a sledgehammer.
Anyway, last match a Three on Three tag match, It has John Cena so I'm bored. Really bored. So very bored. They already has a Three on Three tag, it's just repetitive.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: So many wrestlers when they try to look fearsome just look constipated.
Late Christmas Ideas: I wouldn't mind a big oiled up guy in a pair of trunks. I don't think that would be bad at all.
Notable Commercials: What's up with all the kids asking for fuel-efficent cars? I mean, I can see why you might be concerned for the environment but still!
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 9
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 1/3rd left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being A calm discussion, 10 being THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR WILL BEAT HULK HOGAN *skrunk*):4
Here's the thing. The fun part is isn't been a few month since the last time I watched wrestling so, outside of Cena, I can't remember who's a heel and who's a face. I think Randy Orton is a heel but I can never tell since the guy has acted like a heel the entire I've watched but he seems to always be called a face.
Randy Orton, who's the world Champion, makes it sound like he's prostituting himself because he said he's offering himself as a present... I think. He said his present was wrapped in a bow.
And now a Divas match. Once again, for the wrestling illiterate, WWE Divas are the female wrestlers. They're almost as terrible as Jeffy. I heard the term, "Sexy Fruit Roll-up." I wish I could make the up. A Divas match is just them padding time and giving you time to use the facilities.
Okay, this next match are what I'm refering to as Psycho Hillbillies vs Cody Rhodes (who is apparently dishing), Golddust (who has a full body gimp costume), and Daniel Bryan who a healthy beard. One of the Psycho Hillbillies has a lamb mask. I... I think it's a response to Duck Dynasty. I wish I knew what the hell was going on with the Psycho Hillbillies. Regardless, everyone involved in this match really seems to be into it. There's no one who's boring to watch. Everyone is pretty dynamic here. I think the Psycho Hillbillies also have some kinda Manson Family Schtick also. The Psycho Hillbillies win but then the fight goes on with them beating up on a guy. Ehh, it happens.
A kid gets worried that Christmas will get canceled. The kid is the worst actor ever. Good Santa says it won't be.
There's a wrestler called Fandango. Not only can he punch you but he can also tell you when your movie is.
So, it's the Good Santa vs Bad Santa fight. There's also a toilet in the ring... for some reason. I... I don't know. It's a pretty crappy fight. (Sorry for the bad pun). Anyway, Good Santa wins.
John Cena shows up. I immediately want to start punching him with a sledgehammer.
Anyway, last match a Three on Three tag match, It has John Cena so I'm bored. Really bored. So very bored. They already has a Three on Three tag, it's just repetitive.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: So many wrestlers when they try to look fearsome just look constipated.
Late Christmas Ideas: I wouldn't mind a big oiled up guy in a pair of trunks. I don't think that would be bad at all.
Notable Commercials: What's up with all the kids asking for fuel-efficent cars? I mean, I can see why you might be concerned for the environment but still!
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 9
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 1/3rd left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being A calm discussion, 10 being THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR WILL BEAT HULK HOGAN *skrunk*):4
The Christmas Experiment 2013 Hour 17+18: Celebrity Christmas Crap
So, celebrities do Christmas specials sometimes or stuff like that. Let's look at a couple.
Lady Gaga & The Muppets' Holiday Spectacular: Apparently Gaga loves the Muppets. Considering she made a dress out of severed Kermit heads, I think they got the wrong idea. Regardless, they're doing a special together so let's see if anyone gets dismembered for a felt and foam leotard.
First off, Gaga sings "Venus" with the Muppets. She has giant hair. She might be the twin of Sweetums. There are going to be a lot of pictures in this one considering Gaga's tendency towards crazy outfits. Also, because I think Gaga might secretly be a Muppet.
Kristen Bell pops up. She's excited to be with Gaga. Piggy is in the background. My gay meter just blew up. There is nothing about this that I'm not loving right now.
Muppets audition for the special. Some it is almost creepy.
Gaga sings Applause in a jumpsuit that might be made out of mirror ball.
Correction, Elton John and Gaga might be the gayest thing ever. Singing Benny and the Jets... err... Gaga and the Jets. Gaga is back in her fright wig. As a little monster, I'm not going to... Gaga just put on a pair of glasses made from the pop tops on Soda cans. Okay... that I might have to criticize. This transitions into a performance of ARTpop with the Muppets in the foreground dancing. I'm starting to think the majority of the Muppets involvement is these little sketches and dancing in the foreground.
Gaga gathers the Muppets to plot out the finale. Kristen Bell proposes puppets. I still love you Kristen. This all goes no where. The Swedish Chef proposes something. I always find it weird when the Swedish Chef has human hands out of nowhere. Nothing comes of this sketch.
Gaga's back in the fright wig and wearing Flannel and some weird goggles. I wonder if she's cosplaying as a lumberjack now? Gaga, lumberjack's tend to wear pants. Gaga and Kermit perform Gypsy which might be the best song on ARTpop.
Kristen Bell and Gonzo bond over losing consciousness after just down a ton of Sugar.
Gaga and Joseph Gordon Levitt perform Baby It's Cold Outside with Gaga in the masculine role. I don't like this song normally but then you have Joseph Gordon Levitt. I mean... mmmm. Followed by Kristen Bell and that one bear puppet who's name I can't remember. They dance together, teaching each other to dance. It's cute.
Then Gaga starts singing Fashion... and then RuPaul shows up. You know what I said earlier about those two other things being the gayest thing ever? No, take it back. This is the gayest thing EVER!!! Like, I'm a gay man and I do believe there may not be a gayer thing ever. We can all pack up our stuff and stop trying. Never again will there be a gayer thing to exist in the history of the universe. All other gayness will be forgotten!
Piggy performs Santa Baby. Santa Baby is one of those songs that get over done. But anything is better than Madonna's version. Then again, a pickaxe to the left temple is better than Madonna's version of Santa Baby. Piggy gets overshadowed by her background singers. Understandable. Background singers can be the worst.
At the end, Applause gets performed together with all the Muppets with outtakes. Overall, I've seen worse star studded celebrity specials but that's just me. It could be much worse anyway. Too bad there weren't more Muppets.
The Hollywood Squares: The 80s version. Most of the people here I don't recognize though Joan Rivers is the center square. Also, the contestants are kids this time. Thus, the questions are embarrassingly easy. Also, one of the kids is not even remotely playing well. Seriously, just going for random spaces on the board. It's a very one sided game. Then again, I've played Tic Tac Toe way too often.
The kid who wins gets a computer so there's that.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Ever watch an older TV program and realize how many people in the credits are probably dead or can't get work anymore?
Late Christmas Ideas: I got to use Roommate Yogi's antennae today. I realize I wouldn't mind having one so I didn't have to goo through more grey areas to view TV shows as they air.
Notable Commercials: There is a... truly bizarre commercial for a House of Guitars with women dancing in fur bikinis while Santa shreds on a guitar badly. I... that might be more bizarre than anything on Gaga.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 10
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 1/2 left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being Aging with Grace, 10 being doing anything to remain in the spotlight):4
Lady Gaga & The Muppets' Holiday Spectacular: Apparently Gaga loves the Muppets. Considering she made a dress out of severed Kermit heads, I think they got the wrong idea. Regardless, they're doing a special together so let's see if anyone gets dismembered for a felt and foam leotard.
 |
| Literally the gayest thing ever. |
Kristen Bell pops up. She's excited to be with Gaga. Piggy is in the background. My gay meter just blew up. There is nothing about this that I'm not loving right now.
Muppets audition for the special. Some it is almost creepy.
Gaga sings Applause in a jumpsuit that might be made out of mirror ball.
Correction, Elton John and Gaga might be the gayest thing ever. Singing Benny and the Jets... err... Gaga and the Jets. Gaga is back in her fright wig. As a little monster, I'm not going to... Gaga just put on a pair of glasses made from the pop tops on Soda cans. Okay... that I might have to criticize. This transitions into a performance of ARTpop with the Muppets in the foreground dancing. I'm starting to think the majority of the Muppets involvement is these little sketches and dancing in the foreground.
Gaga gathers the Muppets to plot out the finale. Kristen Bell proposes puppets. I still love you Kristen. This all goes no where. The Swedish Chef proposes something. I always find it weird when the Swedish Chef has human hands out of nowhere. Nothing comes of this sketch.
Gaga's back in the fright wig and wearing Flannel and some weird goggles. I wonder if she's cosplaying as a lumberjack now? Gaga, lumberjack's tend to wear pants. Gaga and Kermit perform Gypsy which might be the best song on ARTpop.
Kristen Bell and Gonzo bond over losing consciousness after just down a ton of Sugar.
Gaga and Joseph Gordon Levitt perform Baby It's Cold Outside with Gaga in the masculine role. I don't like this song normally but then you have Joseph Gordon Levitt. I mean... mmmm. Followed by Kristen Bell and that one bear puppet who's name I can't remember. They dance together, teaching each other to dance. It's cute.
 |
| Correction, GAYEST THING EVER! |
Piggy performs Santa Baby. Santa Baby is one of those songs that get over done. But anything is better than Madonna's version. Then again, a pickaxe to the left temple is better than Madonna's version of Santa Baby. Piggy gets overshadowed by her background singers. Understandable. Background singers can be the worst.
At the end, Applause gets performed together with all the Muppets with outtakes. Overall, I've seen worse star studded celebrity specials but that's just me. It could be much worse anyway. Too bad there weren't more Muppets.
The Hollywood Squares: The 80s version. Most of the people here I don't recognize though Joan Rivers is the center square. Also, the contestants are kids this time. Thus, the questions are embarrassingly easy. Also, one of the kids is not even remotely playing well. Seriously, just going for random spaces on the board. It's a very one sided game. Then again, I've played Tic Tac Toe way too often.
The kid who wins gets a computer so there's that.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Ever watch an older TV program and realize how many people in the credits are probably dead or can't get work anymore?
Late Christmas Ideas: I got to use Roommate Yogi's antennae today. I realize I wouldn't mind having one so I didn't have to goo through more grey areas to view TV shows as they air.
Notable Commercials: There is a... truly bizarre commercial for a House of Guitars with women dancing in fur bikinis while Santa shreds on a guitar badly. I... that might be more bizarre than anything on Gaga.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 10
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 1/2 left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being Aging with Grace, 10 being doing anything to remain in the spotlight):4
The Christmas Experiment 2013 Hour 15+16: The Disney Christmas Parade 1996
Like I said last year, the parade isn't quite a tool to promote Disney Channel stars yet. We still got a few years. Let's see if anyone worthwhile shows up. It's being hosted by Suzanne Summer and Jerry Van Dyke. Jerry is either working well on his absent minded persona or he's going out of this mind at this point. Either way, it's kinda odd and he totally takes Suzanne by surprise more than once.
They're splicing three parades together: The Christmas Parade, the 25th Anniversary Parade, and the Toy Story Parade. Remember when Toy Story was novel and not just something that happened every summer? I do.
There's a Song of the South float. I always forget that there was a time that Disney would acknowledge that that movie even existed. I know the film is considered racially insensitive but it's also kinda part of the studio's history. Refusing to acknowledge your history is as bad as embracing the bad parts. Disney needs a Print on Demand service like what Warners has.
They still do promos for current and upcoming films. In this case, we get a promo for the live-action 101 Dalmatians. We also get a promo for some sitcom that last a season called "Life's Work." Never heard of it and it doesn't sound all that fun.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Cruella DeVil can totally sue for Defamation. Singing something like that in Britain isn't very smart.
Late Christmas Ideas: I wanna go to Disney someday. Pretty sure it's never happening.
Notable Commercials: Remember when they still allowed people to do testimonials in movie commercials then they found out that a bunch of the people were getting paid to say good things? I remember the worse offender was Scary Movie which has AN ACTUAL PERSON IN THE MOVIE talking about how good the movie was in the ad.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 10
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 1/2 left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being Mickey Mouse, 10 being The Mad Hatter on tons of Mercury):2
The Christmas Experiment 2012 Hours 13+14:12 Dates of Christmas
Every year I watch either an ABC Family or Lifetime original film. It usually ends in me desiring the murder of everyone in the film. Yeah, not making any guarantees this year.
12 Dates of Christmas: The film starts with a pop version of the 12 Days of Christmas. I wonder how this is going to go? Bored chick and gay friend are at a party but I think our protagonist is blonde chick who's working. Girl talk, blonde chick wants to hook up with her ex or something. I dunno. This is already inane. Blonde has a blind date also.
It's worth noting that this is a world where the 12 Days of Christmas is the ONLY song. I wonder if it'll be a plot point. Probably since I'm not expecting any creativity here. Chick gets perfume to the eyes and goes down. She gets up and leaves, goes home. The blind date sounds like Mark Paul Gosseler. If it is, he's just Zach Morris. And it is Zach Morris. Blonde Chick, who's named Kate, gets a call from her ex and she runs out to hook up with him. Dude, its Zach Morris. Go for him. He's a Time Lord.
Ex-Boyfriend hooked up with his ex. Haha, Kate gets stuck with the dog. I kinda hate this chick so it's good. She goes to her dad's place. She's also horrible and dislikes her father's new wife that is a pretty nice chick and... wait. Did we just Groundhog's Day? HOW DID THIS NUMBSKULL DESERVE A GROUNDHOG'S DAY?!?
So, time reverses to right as she got the perfume. I was expecting some stupid romantic comedy. Now I'm in full on Groundhogs Day. Kate is weirded out and calls bitchy friend. She thinks its a dream and decides to sabotage people. You know, it takes a certain kind of heinous in your second rotation to go for being evil. I figure by the last rotation, she's got the nuclear football and is holding the world hostage for a date. Also, she's mean to Zach Morris who has a dead wife. Turns out destroying someone's world doesn't turn out. Kate falls asleep.
Rotation 3. She thinks she has a brain tumor now. Never mind on her destroying a person's life or she did or she's planning to on the next rotation. I dunno. I think she's figured out what's going on and is using this rotation for fact gathering. Also, he refers to his life as a Lifetime movie. Weird since this is practically a Lifetime movie. Anyway, her neighbor is awesome, has a huge New York apartment. Considering that Kate has a terrible small apartment, Rent Control.
Rotation 4. She seems to be in the groove of things. Also trying to help the ex. She hangs out with a chick that she met on the street who was unhappy with her boyfriend. They hang out, Dad, stepmom, and Zach Morris show up. They flirt and stuff then she messes things up when she assaults a guy who was waiting for his date.
Rotation 5. Kate and Zach Morris buy a Christmas Tree and take it back to her place. They then go to the parent's place. Wow, it only took 5 rotations for Kate to stop being a horrible person. Can't wait to see how see messes it up next. Neighbor is a midnight mass. I can't wait to see the mess-up...
Rotation 6. Nice guy who helps her out takes her to a botanical garden. I think I already see that Nice guy and Neighbor are going to hook up. Anyway, Kate spends a ton of money and lives the day as her more awesome. Bitchy friend, nice chick from the street, and the neighbor hang with Kate making cookies.
Rotation 7. Kate and Zach Morris meet at a hockey rink. See, around here, I'd start trying to figure out a better plan but whatever, as I said last year, I'd start using my loop to gain ultimate knowledge and puppet the world for my amusement but that's just me and my selfish desires for power and control over reality. Anyway, they're about ti hook-up and...
Rotation 8. Kate and the ex have coffee. Kate meets up with parents and Zach Morris. She explains the timeloop without doing it. Things go bad.
Rotation 9. She decides not to see Zach Morris. I decide to work on dinner since that's more interesting. She talks to other guy at the bar. I kinda wish she hooked up with him because hes cute. She goes to Church with Neighbor.
Rotation 10. Kate meets a kid that Zach Morris was mentoring.
Rotation 11. She does it again, being more sneaky so she can get him back to a group home or something. Kid wants a dog. Zach morris and Kate hook up. Is this over yet?
Rotation 12: Cute Geeky guy is dressed up by Kate, Nice Guy and Neighbor get the hook up, Kate meets up with the ex and her future, street couple is awesome and get engaged, and everyone is happy. This was the last rotation. Woo. This was an aggressively mediocre movie.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Turkey is cooking. Won't be ready until 2. Dang.
Late Christmas Ideas: Mozzarella sticks would be freaking delicious right now. Sorry, so hungry.
Notable Commercials: I already have a Samsung phone. Stop showing me all these amazing things that the next model up can do.
Glade Candles can apparently inspire anyone to sing. Nothing says Christmas like pine candles.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 11
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 1/2 left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being having a normal day in a do-over, 10 being watching Christmas stuff if I'm in a do-over):6
12 Dates of Christmas: The film starts with a pop version of the 12 Days of Christmas. I wonder how this is going to go? Bored chick and gay friend are at a party but I think our protagonist is blonde chick who's working. Girl talk, blonde chick wants to hook up with her ex or something. I dunno. This is already inane. Blonde has a blind date also.
It's worth noting that this is a world where the 12 Days of Christmas is the ONLY song. I wonder if it'll be a plot point. Probably since I'm not expecting any creativity here. Chick gets perfume to the eyes and goes down. She gets up and leaves, goes home. The blind date sounds like Mark Paul Gosseler. If it is, he's just Zach Morris. And it is Zach Morris. Blonde Chick, who's named Kate, gets a call from her ex and she runs out to hook up with him. Dude, its Zach Morris. Go for him. He's a Time Lord.
Ex-Boyfriend hooked up with his ex. Haha, Kate gets stuck with the dog. I kinda hate this chick so it's good. She goes to her dad's place. She's also horrible and dislikes her father's new wife that is a pretty nice chick and... wait. Did we just Groundhog's Day? HOW DID THIS NUMBSKULL DESERVE A GROUNDHOG'S DAY?!?
So, time reverses to right as she got the perfume. I was expecting some stupid romantic comedy. Now I'm in full on Groundhogs Day. Kate is weirded out and calls bitchy friend. She thinks its a dream and decides to sabotage people. You know, it takes a certain kind of heinous in your second rotation to go for being evil. I figure by the last rotation, she's got the nuclear football and is holding the world hostage for a date. Also, she's mean to Zach Morris who has a dead wife. Turns out destroying someone's world doesn't turn out. Kate falls asleep.
Rotation 3. She thinks she has a brain tumor now. Never mind on her destroying a person's life or she did or she's planning to on the next rotation. I dunno. I think she's figured out what's going on and is using this rotation for fact gathering. Also, he refers to his life as a Lifetime movie. Weird since this is practically a Lifetime movie. Anyway, her neighbor is awesome, has a huge New York apartment. Considering that Kate has a terrible small apartment, Rent Control.
Rotation 4. She seems to be in the groove of things. Also trying to help the ex. She hangs out with a chick that she met on the street who was unhappy with her boyfriend. They hang out, Dad, stepmom, and Zach Morris show up. They flirt and stuff then she messes things up when she assaults a guy who was waiting for his date.
Rotation 5. Kate and Zach Morris buy a Christmas Tree and take it back to her place. They then go to the parent's place. Wow, it only took 5 rotations for Kate to stop being a horrible person. Can't wait to see how see messes it up next. Neighbor is a midnight mass. I can't wait to see the mess-up...
Rotation 6. Nice guy who helps her out takes her to a botanical garden. I think I already see that Nice guy and Neighbor are going to hook up. Anyway, Kate spends a ton of money and lives the day as her more awesome. Bitchy friend, nice chick from the street, and the neighbor hang with Kate making cookies.
Rotation 7. Kate and Zach Morris meet at a hockey rink. See, around here, I'd start trying to figure out a better plan but whatever, as I said last year, I'd start using my loop to gain ultimate knowledge and puppet the world for my amusement but that's just me and my selfish desires for power and control over reality. Anyway, they're about ti hook-up and...
Rotation 8. Kate and the ex have coffee. Kate meets up with parents and Zach Morris. She explains the timeloop without doing it. Things go bad.
Rotation 9. She decides not to see Zach Morris. I decide to work on dinner since that's more interesting. She talks to other guy at the bar. I kinda wish she hooked up with him because hes cute. She goes to Church with Neighbor.
Rotation 10. Kate meets a kid that Zach Morris was mentoring.
Rotation 11. She does it again, being more sneaky so she can get him back to a group home or something. Kid wants a dog. Zach morris and Kate hook up. Is this over yet?
Rotation 12: Cute Geeky guy is dressed up by Kate, Nice Guy and Neighbor get the hook up, Kate meets up with the ex and her future, street couple is awesome and get engaged, and everyone is happy. This was the last rotation. Woo. This was an aggressively mediocre movie.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Turkey is cooking. Won't be ready until 2. Dang.
Late Christmas Ideas: Mozzarella sticks would be freaking delicious right now. Sorry, so hungry.
Notable Commercials: I already have a Samsung phone. Stop showing me all these amazing things that the next model up can do.
Glade Candles can apparently inspire anyone to sing. Nothing says Christmas like pine candles.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 11
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 1/2 left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being having a normal day in a do-over, 10 being watching Christmas stuff if I'm in a do-over):6
The Christmas Experiment 2013 Hours 11+12: Daytime Shenanigans
You can find Christmas stuff, even in Daytime television. It just means occasionally going to less than happy sources.
Today: The fourth hour of the Today is where hope goes to die. Hosted by Kathie Lee and Hoda, we run into two women that have no problem getting boozed up at 10 in the morning. Seriously, they're already drinking usually. Today is no exception.
So, before we get to that all, a bunch of kids are awkwardly swaying out of rhythm with each other while singing Christmas songs. My good old High School Choir teacher, Mrs. Jackson, would threaten to throw a stapler at those kids until they promise to stop swaying. Ah, good memories.
Inane chatter. Kathie Lee calls herself spiritual. Huh, I would have thought the only Spirit she was familiar with was vodka. You learn new things everyday. The two drunk women try to recite the 12 days of Christmas. Yeah, neither of them are driving home. They then give us Christmas lyrics, ask us to guess them, and then Kathie Lee gets angry over the fact that they're not using her versions of the songs from her Christmas Album. Kathie Lee, honey, no one wants to hear you singing.
I'm not going to touch on the Human Interest stories. I feel bad making fun of them. Damn.
Finally, we get some kinda horrible fashion segment. The girls bring their booze with them. Of course. They trip over the word gigabite. Later they look at how to set a table. I refuse to believe there are people who go that crazy over table settings. I get that they're going for making things cheap but the problem comes you set the table with no way of putting Christmas Dinner on the table.
I'm kinda sad. I was hoping for a trainwreck. I got a pretty normal segment. Dang.
The Price is Right: Okay, Drew Carey. He's too nice but it's okay. Hoping I might get some quality trainwreck. You know, outside of skinny Drew Carey is. The first woman up has a shirt wishing Bob Barker a Merry Christmas. She competes for a year of groceries, maid service, and flowers. I wonder if booze would be included with the groceries. She loses.
Next person... oh, Rocco Dispirito pops in. If I hasn't already sworn to eventually hook up with Michael Symon, I would so be into Rocco. He is attractive.And we have the first horrible person bidding a dollar over. The chick he does it to just gives him the look of death. He doesn't get up though. Good. Nobody interesting the next prize and the woman with the Bob Barker shirt goes to the Showcase.
We get Steven. Steven is high. He is really high. He keeps on jumping up and down. Crazy.Steven loses. He just realized he won Ski equipment at the last moment. Seriously kids, Steven is so high. Like, I'm surprised that he doesn't just float into some lighting equipment. Next guy loses. This is a losing day. Next Bidding thing, I would have been on the spot. Dang. We get some insane game about bidding on rats racing. It's one of those random chance games so pretty sucky. I mean, I'd rather have something based off of skill than luck. Chick wins Jewlery and a Foozball table. Crazy Steven gets to go to the Showcase. Steven loses after Rocco talked about his pork. Yeah...
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Finally found some Holiday Crunch. Was so worth the wait. Does it taste better than normal Crunch Berries? No but hey, it's Christmas. Gotta get festive somehow. Whether it's that or the Wally World Santa Hat.
Late Christmas Ideas: I did like the USB cufflinks they advertised during the Christmas fashion thing. I have nothing that I can use cufflinks with but hey, still looks cool.
Notable Commercials: The AARP really loves advertising during The Price is Right. I think they know their audience pretty well.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 11
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 2/3rds left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being maybe one drink, 10 being New Year's Eve):4
 |
| See, I'm not exaggerating! |
So, before we get to that all, a bunch of kids are awkwardly swaying out of rhythm with each other while singing Christmas songs. My good old High School Choir teacher, Mrs. Jackson, would threaten to throw a stapler at those kids until they promise to stop swaying. Ah, good memories.
Inane chatter. Kathie Lee calls herself spiritual. Huh, I would have thought the only Spirit she was familiar with was vodka. You learn new things everyday. The two drunk women try to recite the 12 days of Christmas. Yeah, neither of them are driving home. They then give us Christmas lyrics, ask us to guess them, and then Kathie Lee gets angry over the fact that they're not using her versions of the songs from her Christmas Album. Kathie Lee, honey, no one wants to hear you singing.
I'm not going to touch on the Human Interest stories. I feel bad making fun of them. Damn.
Finally, we get some kinda horrible fashion segment. The girls bring their booze with them. Of course. They trip over the word gigabite. Later they look at how to set a table. I refuse to believe there are people who go that crazy over table settings. I get that they're going for making things cheap but the problem comes you set the table with no way of putting Christmas Dinner on the table.
I'm kinda sad. I was hoping for a trainwreck. I got a pretty normal segment. Dang.
The Price is Right: Okay, Drew Carey. He's too nice but it's okay. Hoping I might get some quality trainwreck. You know, outside of skinny Drew Carey is. The first woman up has a shirt wishing Bob Barker a Merry Christmas. She competes for a year of groceries, maid service, and flowers. I wonder if booze would be included with the groceries. She loses.
Next person... oh, Rocco Dispirito pops in. If I hasn't already sworn to eventually hook up with Michael Symon, I would so be into Rocco. He is attractive.And we have the first horrible person bidding a dollar over. The chick he does it to just gives him the look of death. He doesn't get up though. Good. Nobody interesting the next prize and the woman with the Bob Barker shirt goes to the Showcase.
We get Steven. Steven is high. He is really high. He keeps on jumping up and down. Crazy.Steven loses. He just realized he won Ski equipment at the last moment. Seriously kids, Steven is so high. Like, I'm surprised that he doesn't just float into some lighting equipment. Next guy loses. This is a losing day. Next Bidding thing, I would have been on the spot. Dang. We get some insane game about bidding on rats racing. It's one of those random chance games so pretty sucky. I mean, I'd rather have something based off of skill than luck. Chick wins Jewlery and a Foozball table. Crazy Steven gets to go to the Showcase. Steven loses after Rocco talked about his pork. Yeah...
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Finally found some Holiday Crunch. Was so worth the wait. Does it taste better than normal Crunch Berries? No but hey, it's Christmas. Gotta get festive somehow. Whether it's that or the Wally World Santa Hat.
Late Christmas Ideas: I did like the USB cufflinks they advertised during the Christmas fashion thing. I have nothing that I can use cufflinks with but hey, still looks cool.
Notable Commercials: The AARP really loves advertising during The Price is Right. I think they know their audience pretty well.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 11
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 2/3rds left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being maybe one drink, 10 being New Year's Eve):4
The Christmas Experiment Hours 9+10: Specials Time Forgot
Let's face it, not all Christmas specials are instant classics. Many faded away, probably never to seen again except for those brave souls who recorded it on a chance rerun or home video release. Let's see if any of these would be worth saving.
Probably not.
The Little Rascals Christmas Special: Hal Roach's Our Gang should never have succeeded. They took kids that couldn't act and asked them to be kids. This is an animated special made in 1979. While the voice actors sound like kids, it is so forced it's not even funny. Anyway, Spanky and Porky's mother is a maid during the depression, she orders a vacuum cleaner for her employer but they think she's getting them a train set. So, mom sells her coat, gets sick, and they try to raise money for a new coat.
It's worth pointing out that they avoid some unfortunate racial stereotypes that plagued the original shorts. For example, Stymie is the lone African American character they use in the special and while Stymie would often be the butt of every joke in the shorts, this character is just as generic as the other kids. That's the crime here. None of the kids were interchangeable in the original shorts... well... at least in a specific generation. For that matter, there are three or four moments that are just downright aggravating to watch. I mean, half the jokes are based off of kids not being able to pronounce words but hey, to each their own.
Prognosis: Forgettable but inoffensive.
A Family Circus Christmas: Oh, goody, a special that stars Jeffy. Jeffy is the most horrible being in the history of the comics page. Well, maybe Marmaduke and Marvin but Jeffy is up there. This special demonstrates how horrible Jeffy is. He tells on other kids, he complains about there being no star to put on the tree, he keeps telling everyone that the omnipresent image of Santa is looking down upon them, judging them. Also, at one point, Jeffy proposes that dread necromancy be used to raise his dead grandfather. He petitions Santa Claus to use his demonic powers to drag grandfather from heaven. If you can't tell, Jeffy is terrible.
Anyway, this is your standard Christmas special with no plot. It's just the minutia of Christmas stuff as framed with the stupidest children alive and the most annoying music. For example, the Dad is sad because he can't find the special star that his father made for him. The kids are oblivious to their father's suffering. This is the Anti-Charlie Brown Christmas. Whereas Charlie Brown is the kid that you love despite his faults, Jeffy and the kids are the kids you hate because they suck too much.
The hilarious part of the special is that the parents use the idea of Santa to police their children and Jeffy sees the spectral image of Santa everywhere. If you didn't notice, Jeffy sucks. They even use Santa to police each other. Jeffy will eventually have a nervou breakdown, kill his family, and then be sent to the asylum screaming, "Santa judged me to be naughty already! Why stop now?!?"
Dolly, the daughter of the family, tattles that Jeffy asked for a mortal sin for Christmas. Dolly then smiles about Jeffy getting scolded. Dolly gets brownie points for realizing that Jeffy is terrible. Jeffy then gets sent by the Santa in his mind to where Grandfather's ghost is in the living room. Seriously, this is the plot. I am not making this up. Grandfather Ghost then leads him to the missing star. So kids, remember, Santa will use his dark majyks to resurrect the dead for you if you believe in him. Or maybe Santa is looking to start the Zombie Apocalypse because he figures it's the one way he can kill Jeffy.
Prognosis: Like Jeffy, this special is terrible and it should feel terrible.
The Trolls and the Christmas Express: A special so obscure it doesn't even have a wiki page. A bunch of trolls scheme to ruin Christmas. The voice cast is filled with voices you'll recognize from every little animated anything ever. Seriously, just watch the thing on YouTube.
Most of the thing involves some pretty inane songs, trolls trying to mess up toys, and the elves fixing them. The trolls suck at messing up Christmas. Also, the drinking game for this should be to take a drink every time they reuse animation. Eventually the trolls decide to party hard in an attempt to keep the reindeer up all day. This is the plan that works. Or rather, it's the one that does until they use Santa's barely mentioned prior to this in the special train to save Christmas. Also, apparently elves can conjure train tracks. Seriously, all of Santa's elves are high level spellcasters. The trolls turn around the train.
The thing that saves Christmas is Deck the Halls. There's a lyric, "Troll the Ancient Yuletide Carol." Apparently hearing your name in a sing convinces you to be good. Good for them. Meanwhile, Hallmark removes the "Gay" from "Apparel" which is kinda annoying to be honest. I mean, have you ever tried to have Christmas without the gays? It just doesn't work. We make Christmas awesome. You can have Christmas without Trolls but Christmas without a gay is pretty damn unthinkable. Trust me, there's a reason the Three Wisemen gave the best gifts to Baby Jesus.
Prognosis: Cute but nothing special.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Wonder when I'm going to make dinner tonight? I'm not hungry yet but hey, never hurts to think these things out.
Late Christmas Ideas: I could go for some Frankensense. Don't know what it necessarily is but I want it.
Notable Commercials: Apparently you're more likely to set up your Christmas Tree if you don't do drugs. I believe that. You might mistake the pine needles for syringes and you die from a sap overdose.
Holy crap. I saw a commercial for Santa Bear. I totally remember that terrible special from last year. What the hey?
I really should see Leonard Part 6 at some point. I'm a connoisseur of bad movies. Why have I yet to see this piece of crap?
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 11
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 2/3rds left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being stale holiday specials, 10 being The Star Wars Holiday Special):4
Probably not.
The Little Rascals Christmas Special: Hal Roach's Our Gang should never have succeeded. They took kids that couldn't act and asked them to be kids. This is an animated special made in 1979. While the voice actors sound like kids, it is so forced it's not even funny. Anyway, Spanky and Porky's mother is a maid during the depression, she orders a vacuum cleaner for her employer but they think she's getting them a train set. So, mom sells her coat, gets sick, and they try to raise money for a new coat.
It's worth pointing out that they avoid some unfortunate racial stereotypes that plagued the original shorts. For example, Stymie is the lone African American character they use in the special and while Stymie would often be the butt of every joke in the shorts, this character is just as generic as the other kids. That's the crime here. None of the kids were interchangeable in the original shorts... well... at least in a specific generation. For that matter, there are three or four moments that are just downright aggravating to watch. I mean, half the jokes are based off of kids not being able to pronounce words but hey, to each their own.
Prognosis: Forgettable but inoffensive.
 |
| TERRIBLE!!! |
Anyway, this is your standard Christmas special with no plot. It's just the minutia of Christmas stuff as framed with the stupidest children alive and the most annoying music. For example, the Dad is sad because he can't find the special star that his father made for him. The kids are oblivious to their father's suffering. This is the Anti-Charlie Brown Christmas. Whereas Charlie Brown is the kid that you love despite his faults, Jeffy and the kids are the kids you hate because they suck too much.
The hilarious part of the special is that the parents use the idea of Santa to police their children and Jeffy sees the spectral image of Santa everywhere. If you didn't notice, Jeffy sucks. They even use Santa to police each other. Jeffy will eventually have a nervou breakdown, kill his family, and then be sent to the asylum screaming, "Santa judged me to be naughty already! Why stop now?!?"
Dolly, the daughter of the family, tattles that Jeffy asked for a mortal sin for Christmas. Dolly then smiles about Jeffy getting scolded. Dolly gets brownie points for realizing that Jeffy is terrible. Jeffy then gets sent by the Santa in his mind to where Grandfather's ghost is in the living room. Seriously, this is the plot. I am not making this up. Grandfather Ghost then leads him to the missing star. So kids, remember, Santa will use his dark majyks to resurrect the dead for you if you believe in him. Or maybe Santa is looking to start the Zombie Apocalypse because he figures it's the one way he can kill Jeffy.
 |
| Seriously, everyone hates Jeffy! |
Prognosis: Like Jeffy, this special is terrible and it should feel terrible.
The Trolls and the Christmas Express: A special so obscure it doesn't even have a wiki page. A bunch of trolls scheme to ruin Christmas. The voice cast is filled with voices you'll recognize from every little animated anything ever. Seriously, just watch the thing on YouTube.
Most of the thing involves some pretty inane songs, trolls trying to mess up toys, and the elves fixing them. The trolls suck at messing up Christmas. Also, the drinking game for this should be to take a drink every time they reuse animation. Eventually the trolls decide to party hard in an attempt to keep the reindeer up all day. This is the plan that works. Or rather, it's the one that does until they use Santa's barely mentioned prior to this in the special train to save Christmas. Also, apparently elves can conjure train tracks. Seriously, all of Santa's elves are high level spellcasters. The trolls turn around the train.
The thing that saves Christmas is Deck the Halls. There's a lyric, "Troll the Ancient Yuletide Carol." Apparently hearing your name in a sing convinces you to be good. Good for them. Meanwhile, Hallmark removes the "Gay" from "Apparel" which is kinda annoying to be honest. I mean, have you ever tried to have Christmas without the gays? It just doesn't work. We make Christmas awesome. You can have Christmas without Trolls but Christmas without a gay is pretty damn unthinkable. Trust me, there's a reason the Three Wisemen gave the best gifts to Baby Jesus.
Prognosis: Cute but nothing special.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Wonder when I'm going to make dinner tonight? I'm not hungry yet but hey, never hurts to think these things out.
Late Christmas Ideas: I could go for some Frankensense. Don't know what it necessarily is but I want it.
Notable Commercials: Apparently you're more likely to set up your Christmas Tree if you don't do drugs. I believe that. You might mistake the pine needles for syringes and you die from a sap overdose.
Holy crap. I saw a commercial for Santa Bear. I totally remember that terrible special from last year. What the hey?
I really should see Leonard Part 6 at some point. I'm a connoisseur of bad movies. Why have I yet to see this piece of crap?
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 11
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 2/3rds left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being stale holiday specials, 10 being The Star Wars Holiday Special):4
The Christmas Experiment 2013 Hour 7+8: Not Quite Reality
Okay, enough movies for the moment. Let's watch some special stuff.
Martha Stewart's Home For the Holidays: Yeah, I like watching Martha Stewart every year. Is it because she's so mockable? Probably.
Martha decorates a tree, goes into something about family and celebrating it. Martha's family is
strutted out so she can use them to prove her humanity. You'll notice that Martha keeps her mother at arms length if she can help it. I will note that there are plenty of times that they both seem to do it so I can see where that's going.
A later segment has Martha entertaining birds and a bird keeper. They start tearing apart the bird keeper's shirt. He's also trying to talk over Martha but Martha won't be having any of that. We then cut to a bunch of other animals. The Bird keeper then starts going through all the way you can kill your animals in winter and way to prevent it. Remember, put plastic tubing all over your house to prevent the demise of your pets.
In the long run, I think Martha would have made an excellent new anchor. There's a detachment that she seems to have from everything. Most of this special focuses on family and there are moments where she seems like she couldn't care less. I'm prone to believe that she doesn't.
The Great Christmas Light Fight: WHY DO PEOPLE GO THIS FAR OUT TO DECORATE THEIR HOUSES?!? Seriously, the $50,000 they win will just about cover their power bills.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: I gotta say, I make an awesome ham, especially compared to some other cooks.
Late Christmas Ideas: A stand mixer would be awesome. I can make pasta in addition to other stuff before it proceeds to collect dust.
Notable Commercials: No Sam Jackson, I'm not having a staring contest with you.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 11
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 5/6th left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being a slight mess, 10 being Martha going insane because you have introduced chaos to her perfect order):5
Martha Stewart's Home For the Holidays: Yeah, I like watching Martha Stewart every year. Is it because she's so mockable? Probably.
Martha decorates a tree, goes into something about family and celebrating it. Martha's family is
 |
| "Close enough, mother. No skin contact." |
A later segment has Martha entertaining birds and a bird keeper. They start tearing apart the bird keeper's shirt. He's also trying to talk over Martha but Martha won't be having any of that. We then cut to a bunch of other animals. The Bird keeper then starts going through all the way you can kill your animals in winter and way to prevent it. Remember, put plastic tubing all over your house to prevent the demise of your pets.
In the long run, I think Martha would have made an excellent new anchor. There's a detachment that she seems to have from everything. Most of this special focuses on family and there are moments where she seems like she couldn't care less. I'm prone to believe that she doesn't.
The Great Christmas Light Fight: WHY DO PEOPLE GO THIS FAR OUT TO DECORATE THEIR HOUSES?!? Seriously, the $50,000 they win will just about cover their power bills.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: I gotta say, I make an awesome ham, especially compared to some other cooks.
Late Christmas Ideas: A stand mixer would be awesome. I can make pasta in addition to other stuff before it proceeds to collect dust.
Notable Commercials: No Sam Jackson, I'm not having a staring contest with you.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 11
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 5/6th left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being a slight mess, 10 being Martha going insane because you have introduced chaos to her perfect order):5
The Christmas Experiment 2013: Hours 4-6: How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Interesting fact: I was at Goodwill a few months back and found a few unmarked VHS tapes. On one of them, I found where someone had recorded a particular Thanksgiving evening telecast.
*sigh* I hate myself. So much.
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving: One of the better Peanuts specials but Peppermint Patty is a bit of a bad word here. I also notice the sheer amount of kids who's parents don't seem to care where they went on a family day. I wish I had more to say but mainly watching this part to pad out my Charles Schultz quota for the day. I mean, it's part of the Holiday season but it's not Christmas to be sure.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas: Note, this is the movie, not the classic Christmas special. Instead of doing some kinda synopsis, why don't I just do a list of all the problems with this movie.
Late Christmas Ideas:A dvd of the original Grinch. Why? Because hell, why not? I guess supporting that over this thing is always an advisable action. Supporting Sarah Palin in another run for political office is an advisable action over supporting this movie.
Notable Commercials: There's an ad for "Nick and Jessica's Christmas Special." Remember when Jessica Simpson was someone and Nick Lachey for that matter? Me neither but I guess you should mine your fame for all it's worth while you got it.
Since this telecast was from Thanksgiving, there are tons of Black Friday ads. Most of them are pretty bad and I'm more than a little happy that Black Friday still came off as bunkus back then.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 11
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: Still There.
Sanity Rating: (1 being a stroll through Whoville, 10 being a climb up Mt. Crumpett):6
*sigh* I hate myself. So much.
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving: One of the better Peanuts specials but Peppermint Patty is a bit of a bad word here. I also notice the sheer amount of kids who's parents don't seem to care where they went on a family day. I wish I had more to say but mainly watching this part to pad out my Charles Schultz quota for the day. I mean, it's part of the Holiday season but it's not Christmas to be sure.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas: Note, this is the movie, not the classic Christmas special. Instead of doing some kinda synopsis, why don't I just do a list of all the problems with this movie.
- This thing is padded out to all heck and back. We don't need the Grinch to have a tragic love back story or something. In fact, him having no notice other than that the Who's are annoying is all that you really need.
- They kinda shove in the king of all "Commercialism is bad" Aesop's. I mean, it was always there in the book but they push it really hard. Worse of all, they totally merchandised the hell out of this movie.
- It seriously takes 3/4th of the movie for them to get to the plot of the book. Everything that comes before it is so unnecessary to the plot that it's not even funny.
- Cindy Loo Who was just this kid that showed up to ask The Grinch about her tree in the book. Here, we have a kid who has some kinda questioning commercialism thing and her wanting to believe in the Grinch or something.
- Jim Carey is a good actor. Really, he is. He is completely wasted. Let's start with the make-up. This is some... make-up. He almost looks the part but then just completely spoils it. They try to look like the book but there's something so stylized about the book that it just doesn't translate. I think it's the fact that he's trying to hard. The Grinch should not be overtly silly. Oh, funny yes but you can't take Jim Carey serious here. He needed to be a little subdued.
- The cast that totally just gets wasted. Christine Branski, Molly Shannon, Jeffrey Tambor. All of them are just kinda there or given totally useless material to work with.
- "Where Are You Christmas?" I hate this song. The version in the movie isn't totally bad but the other version, the pop version, makes me want to burn things. It's not quite as bad as Christmas shoes but it's pretty damn near the top there.
- One thing that never fails to annoy me are pop culture jokes that completely date a film, especially when they don't fit in the movie. This is a fantasy film. No, just because it makes people laugh at the time that it was made, doesn't mean that it will in a decade. Your goal as a filmmaker shouldn't be to make a movie for a time but for all time.
- The only thing that annoys me more are when you put a joke that is totally inappropriate for the audience in there. For example, The Grinch goes to a pair of spinsters who are holding a key party. I mean, it's one thing to have subversive humor but you at least leave something up to the imagination.
- Just how mean-spirited the film is at times. I mean, the Grinch is supposed to be but everyone else seems to be up to a point, especially Jeffrey Tambor who's character is suffering from designated villain syndrome. I mean, you already have The Grinch. Why do you need another villain to begin with?
- The Love triangle. Because afterall, the thing everyone ever wanted was to see The Grinch as a romantic lead. I know I want to imagine the aftermath of the movie and the wedding night between Christine Branski and the Grinch. Excuse me, I can't stop wretching. So much for cutting into the pie. Seriously, what the living hell is wrong with this picture?
- Once they do get to the part concerning with the book, it feels too much like the Christmas Special that it has to draw comparisons and trust me, they will be unfavorable. When you have a Christmas Standard as famous as "Mr. Grinch" any cover is going to sound bad but Jim Carrey's sounds very underwhelming.
- In the original story, the Grinch just perceived the Whos as being materialistic. In truth, they understood what Christmas was all about without a motivational speech. A lot of the sincerity of the story just melts away in this version.
- In the end, the movie isn't offensively bad, it's just... boring. It lacks anything fun, it has no heart, it's just something to pity. Not only that but, in a world where the Christmas Special exists, why would you even watch the film unless you thirst for pain like I seem to.
Late Christmas Ideas:A dvd of the original Grinch. Why? Because hell, why not? I guess supporting that over this thing is always an advisable action. Supporting Sarah Palin in another run for political office is an advisable action over supporting this movie.
Notable Commercials: There's an ad for "Nick and Jessica's Christmas Special." Remember when Jessica Simpson was someone and Nick Lachey for that matter? Me neither but I guess you should mine your fame for all it's worth while you got it.
Since this telecast was from Thanksgiving, there are tons of Black Friday ads. Most of them are pretty bad and I'm more than a little happy that Black Friday still came off as bunkus back then.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 11
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: Still There.
Sanity Rating: (1 being a stroll through Whoville, 10 being a climb up Mt. Crumpett):6
The Christmas Experiment 2013 Hour 3: 90s Sitcom-a-rama
Let's sit down and watch the Christmas episodes of a couple of classic sitcoms. By the way, how annoying is it that the 90s are classic now?
Roseanne, "White Trash Christmas": First off, Dan Connor is a bit homophobic. It's also worth pointing out that this episode features the second Becky. I always kinda preferred the second Becky. Maybe it's the fact that she was later on Scrubs? I dunno. She's attractive for that matter as well.
Anyway, the main premise of the episode is that the Connor's are going for having the tackiest house on the street. I think they got it with Liberache standees, a neon Feliz Natividad sign, and other stuff. This is in addition to miles of lights and some truly ugly plastic figurines. In the long run, it's enough to blind everything in a 30 mile radius.
In the other plot, Darlene is living with her boyfriend in secret in Chicago. Her little brother finds out. Birth control jokes. Okay, it's a sitcom, don't expect anything deep. Roseanne was always good at the drama stuff. I think my favorite part of the entire episode is where John Goodman and Glenn Quinn have a heart to heart on the roof. It's mainly on being a good husband. Also, we get some stuff on making sacrifices and dignity as a woman. See, that's why I love this show. The drama is beautiful and it's still funny.
The Golden Girls, "Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas": Side story. Last year, me and some of my closest friends went to Florida for Springbreak. Roomie Matt 's family has a house that we got to use. Every afternoon, we would watch The Golden Girls together. It was awesome. I might add I'm the only gay one. I still wonder what's so appealing about this show to a bunch of 20-somethings. I mean, women in their golden years, some of them with very active love-lifes. Hell, these are our mothers and grandmothers. Maybe just knowing that they're human is the key to it all.
Anyway, the plot of the episode has the women being held hostage by a guy in a Santa Suit who wants to spend Christmas with people. It works out only for the flights they were taking home to get stalled by a storm. In the end, the girls realize that they're family and will have a great Christmas or something. Also, Snow pops up in Miami. Regardless, it' a wonderful episode.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: I wonder how many of the St. Olaf stories were Betty White improvising? Seriously, Betty White is a wonderful actress and funny to this day.
Late Christmas Ideas: A fake, plastic Christmas Tree. It's something that I've yet to do as a single guy. Sure, there was that year with the tree that never went away but still.
Notable Commercials: Windows isn't thrilled with the Chromebook. They're so concerned that they hired the people who do a Pawn Shop show to tell you why you shouldn't buy it.
I hate these AT&T commercials with the kids acting way too cute. I mean, really annoyingly cute. I know it's precocious and great but there's just something so... manufactured about them.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 12
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: Still There.
Sanity Rating: (1 being taking your kids to see Santa, 10 being seducing Santa):3
Roseanne, "White Trash Christmas": First off, Dan Connor is a bit homophobic. It's also worth pointing out that this episode features the second Becky. I always kinda preferred the second Becky. Maybe it's the fact that she was later on Scrubs? I dunno. She's attractive for that matter as well.
Anyway, the main premise of the episode is that the Connor's are going for having the tackiest house on the street. I think they got it with Liberache standees, a neon Feliz Natividad sign, and other stuff. This is in addition to miles of lights and some truly ugly plastic figurines. In the long run, it's enough to blind everything in a 30 mile radius.In the other plot, Darlene is living with her boyfriend in secret in Chicago. Her little brother finds out. Birth control jokes. Okay, it's a sitcom, don't expect anything deep. Roseanne was always good at the drama stuff. I think my favorite part of the entire episode is where John Goodman and Glenn Quinn have a heart to heart on the roof. It's mainly on being a good husband. Also, we get some stuff on making sacrifices and dignity as a woman. See, that's why I love this show. The drama is beautiful and it's still funny.
The Golden Girls, "Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas": Side story. Last year, me and some of my closest friends went to Florida for Springbreak. Roomie Matt 's family has a house that we got to use. Every afternoon, we would watch The Golden Girls together. It was awesome. I might add I'm the only gay one. I still wonder what's so appealing about this show to a bunch of 20-somethings. I mean, women in their golden years, some of them with very active love-lifes. Hell, these are our mothers and grandmothers. Maybe just knowing that they're human is the key to it all.
Anyway, the plot of the episode has the women being held hostage by a guy in a Santa Suit who wants to spend Christmas with people. It works out only for the flights they were taking home to get stalled by a storm. In the end, the girls realize that they're family and will have a great Christmas or something. Also, Snow pops up in Miami. Regardless, it' a wonderful episode.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: I wonder how many of the St. Olaf stories were Betty White improvising? Seriously, Betty White is a wonderful actress and funny to this day.
Late Christmas Ideas: A fake, plastic Christmas Tree. It's something that I've yet to do as a single guy. Sure, there was that year with the tree that never went away but still.
Notable Commercials: Windows isn't thrilled with the Chromebook. They're so concerned that they hired the people who do a Pawn Shop show to tell you why you shouldn't buy it.
I hate these AT&T commercials with the kids acting way too cute. I mean, really annoyingly cute. I know it's precocious and great but there's just something so... manufactured about them.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 12
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: Still There.
Sanity Rating: (1 being taking your kids to see Santa, 10 being seducing Santa):3
The Christmas Experiment 2013 Hours 1+2: Home Alone 4
Well, I'm starting off with a stinker. Woohoo...
Home Alone 4:What fresh hell Made for TV has unleashed? This thing.
First off, since this was made more than a decade after the first one, none of the same actors are in it. Secondly, the Macalister's have lost a kid but that doesn't matter. Anyway, Kevin's parents have separated, probably because you have a mom who would sell her soul to get back to her kid and a dad that's apathetic to a fault. Regardless, it's pretty certain that Kevin being a young sociopath is at the center of it all.
Anyway, I believe that the movie is in continuity though Kevin is younger than he was in the previous ones. He's definitely less charismatic. Kevin wishes that he didn't have older siblings and his mom does have that shirking her responsibility thing going on by just sending Kevin to his room. Also, Kevin's older brother treats him like crap, forgetting that his little brother nearly murdered two men.
Anyway, Kevin's Dad and his girlfriend live in some kinda mega-mansion that's being cased by Marv and his girlfriend. Marv, previously played by Daniel Stern, now played by French Stewart. Ugh. Also, Missi Pyle is the girlfriend. They're planning to kidnap some kinda crown prince or something that's staying at the mansion.
BTW, this is one of those magical movie mansions that are for the incredibly lazy who hate opening doors. Pretty much, everything is voice activated, from fire places to doors. Seriously. Who invents these things? Oh, and we get a montage of how much happier Kevin is in the mega-mansion. There's a maid who's too nice and a butler who's a dick. I'm betting by the end that he's the seemingly mean person who become Kevin's best friend who saves him at the last minute.
Here's why this thing doesn't work for me. Parts are trying to capture the magic of the original while also trying to work under a crap budget with the actors you get when you're working under a budget. Like a seriously terrible budget. Like the worst budget ever. Like this movie was made for a Buck Fifty and a post-dated check.
So, Marv and Girl break into the house to case the joint. You'd think Marv would have figured out that the house had Kevin in it. You know. The kid who tried to murder him TWICE! I would have given up on the plot right there and then. But, this is French Stewart we're talking about and he was the dumb one in the last few. Kevin totally pwns them. Understandably, since this was crafted by Disney, the laws of reality go out the door with a shower creating a tidal wave and flooding the entire ground floor of a house. Also, since this is one of those movies, no one believes Kevin that there were intruders.
Marv and Girl can't believe Kevin is there. They have an inside man. Betting on the maid since Prescott the Butler is too obvious. I bet Prescott suspects her already. Also, they cleaned up the ground door pretty quickly. Maid talks about her son. Yep, Marv is her son I bet.
Also, I keep expecting the Girlfriend to be a bad person but she's being nice, she's not being snide about a kid, she's honestly trying to make Kevin like her. Are... are they trying to make her not a terrible person and this is a movie about how your step-parents aren't necessarily evil? I mean, mine was but some kids are sure to have some awesome ones. Also, she's played by the love interest from the Phantom film.
So, tree trimming montage followed by emotional stuff and the tree getting undone by the girlfriend's people. Whatever. Mom goes to take stuff to Kevin. Mom gets jealous over the Girlfriend being kinda awesome. Then Mom and Dad talk making The Girlfriend jealous.
Also, there's a Royal Family coming, as alluded to earlier. They never establish what they're the royal family of. I assume "Fakeistan." I wonder what Royal Family is going to Chicago for a party? Maybe Rich Girlfriend made her money as an arms dealer and she's selling them something and that's why the Royals of "Fakeistan" are meeting with them. Regardless, the Royals cancel due to snow so Marv and Girl have a plan to kidnap a kid that's not showing up. Anyway, Kevin drops them out a window.
So, now we're officially to the point where Kevin attempts bloody murder., in this case, now we have a frying pan, scalding liquids, and a heating element. They escape, Kevin looks like the bad guy, Dad is a dick, and yada yada. See mistaken identity crap.
Mom is crying about "It's a Wonderful Life." She and Kevin watch it. I hate that movie. So much. Seriously, how could be torn up over George Bailey? Maybe Mom and Dad broke up over her being an emotional wreck. Girlfriend makes a heel turn, threatens Kevin if he messes up her impending marriage. She then proceeds to have sex with Dad. They're pretty obvious like that.
Kevin starts setting up death traps, Mom and Girlfriend pick up the royals of Fakeistan, and Marv and company go to get ready for kidnapping. Also, Prescott gets locked in the basement and turns out I was totally right about the Maid being evil. Kevin gets locked up in the basement. Kevin and Prescott bond. They also waste a cellphone on calling Kevin's mom instead of the police. Regardless, Mom realizes that something's up.
Kevin gets out. Kevin starts doing stuff that should lead to the death of multiple people. Seriously, if this kid didn't become Jigsaw, he'll become a criminal profiler. He nearly murders multiple people, breaks up Marv and Girl, and masters his trapping skills. Seriously, the kid has successfully started his full transition to becoming Jigsaw. Also, keeping in full tradition of this series, Prescott saves Kevin's life at the last minute. However, no one thinks to tie up the thieves so they run only to be stopped by Kevin and Family. The Family must know about Kevin at this point. Sadly, his attempts to commit murder will be watched from here on out. He'll have to become more stealthy. All I know is I feel sorry for when Marv gets out and decides to do more of the dumb stuff again.
Anyway, things work out. Kevin's parents get back together, Girlfriend gets huffy, Prescott quits, and the Royal Family of Fakeistan decides to go to Kevin's house, leaving Girlfriend... Home Alone.
So, all in all, that sucked. Like really bad. Like, there's no excuse for how terrible that was. There's another film in the series but this appears to be the last of Kevin so, hey, small favors. He'll be moving onto attempt to murder people in elaborate death traps in a rusted metal city or something using Billy the Puppet.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Why do the rich equate having really nice stuff with having a great house? Also, why in movies are they incapable of doing background checks on employees? You'd think a maid with a son with a criminal record would be noticeable.
Late Christmas Ideas: Maybe a way to stop Straight to DVD cashgrabs from getting made?
Notable Commercials: So, ever see that Folgers commercial where the Borther and Sister are totally into each other? Like way too into each other? Yeah, here, just watch it:
Seriously, if Mom and Dad didn't come in at that moment, things were going to go badly.
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 12
Amps left: 2
Pumpkin Pie Left: All There.
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Sanity Rating: (1 being buying a smalltime crook, 10 being someone who continues a criminal plan despite the kid who foiled your plots in the past being there): 4
Home Alone 4:What fresh hell Made for TV has unleashed? This thing.
 |
| Ahh! I'm in a terrible sequel! |
Anyway, I believe that the movie is in continuity though Kevin is younger than he was in the previous ones. He's definitely less charismatic. Kevin wishes that he didn't have older siblings and his mom does have that shirking her responsibility thing going on by just sending Kevin to his room. Also, Kevin's older brother treats him like crap, forgetting that his little brother nearly murdered two men.
Anyway, Kevin's Dad and his girlfriend live in some kinda mega-mansion that's being cased by Marv and his girlfriend. Marv, previously played by Daniel Stern, now played by French Stewart. Ugh. Also, Missi Pyle is the girlfriend. They're planning to kidnap some kinda crown prince or something that's staying at the mansion.
BTW, this is one of those magical movie mansions that are for the incredibly lazy who hate opening doors. Pretty much, everything is voice activated, from fire places to doors. Seriously. Who invents these things? Oh, and we get a montage of how much happier Kevin is in the mega-mansion. There's a maid who's too nice and a butler who's a dick. I'm betting by the end that he's the seemingly mean person who become Kevin's best friend who saves him at the last minute.
Here's why this thing doesn't work for me. Parts are trying to capture the magic of the original while also trying to work under a crap budget with the actors you get when you're working under a budget. Like a seriously terrible budget. Like the worst budget ever. Like this movie was made for a Buck Fifty and a post-dated check.
So, Marv and Girl break into the house to case the joint. You'd think Marv would have figured out that the house had Kevin in it. You know. The kid who tried to murder him TWICE! I would have given up on the plot right there and then. But, this is French Stewart we're talking about and he was the dumb one in the last few. Kevin totally pwns them. Understandably, since this was crafted by Disney, the laws of reality go out the door with a shower creating a tidal wave and flooding the entire ground floor of a house. Also, since this is one of those movies, no one believes Kevin that there were intruders.
Marv and Girl can't believe Kevin is there. They have an inside man. Betting on the maid since Prescott the Butler is too obvious. I bet Prescott suspects her already. Also, they cleaned up the ground door pretty quickly. Maid talks about her son. Yep, Marv is her son I bet.
Also, I keep expecting the Girlfriend to be a bad person but she's being nice, she's not being snide about a kid, she's honestly trying to make Kevin like her. Are... are they trying to make her not a terrible person and this is a movie about how your step-parents aren't necessarily evil? I mean, mine was but some kids are sure to have some awesome ones. Also, she's played by the love interest from the Phantom film.
So, tree trimming montage followed by emotional stuff and the tree getting undone by the girlfriend's people. Whatever. Mom goes to take stuff to Kevin. Mom gets jealous over the Girlfriend being kinda awesome. Then Mom and Dad talk making The Girlfriend jealous.
Also, there's a Royal Family coming, as alluded to earlier. They never establish what they're the royal family of. I assume "Fakeistan." I wonder what Royal Family is going to Chicago for a party? Maybe Rich Girlfriend made her money as an arms dealer and she's selling them something and that's why the Royals of "Fakeistan" are meeting with them. Regardless, the Royals cancel due to snow so Marv and Girl have a plan to kidnap a kid that's not showing up. Anyway, Kevin drops them out a window.
So, now we're officially to the point where Kevin attempts bloody murder., in this case, now we have a frying pan, scalding liquids, and a heating element. They escape, Kevin looks like the bad guy, Dad is a dick, and yada yada. See mistaken identity crap.
Mom is crying about "It's a Wonderful Life." She and Kevin watch it. I hate that movie. So much. Seriously, how could be torn up over George Bailey? Maybe Mom and Dad broke up over her being an emotional wreck. Girlfriend makes a heel turn, threatens Kevin if he messes up her impending marriage. She then proceeds to have sex with Dad. They're pretty obvious like that.
Kevin starts setting up death traps, Mom and Girlfriend pick up the royals of Fakeistan, and Marv and company go to get ready for kidnapping. Also, Prescott gets locked in the basement and turns out I was totally right about the Maid being evil. Kevin gets locked up in the basement. Kevin and Prescott bond. They also waste a cellphone on calling Kevin's mom instead of the police. Regardless, Mom realizes that something's up.
Kevin gets out. Kevin starts doing stuff that should lead to the death of multiple people. Seriously, if this kid didn't become Jigsaw, he'll become a criminal profiler. He nearly murders multiple people, breaks up Marv and Girl, and masters his trapping skills. Seriously, the kid has successfully started his full transition to becoming Jigsaw. Also, keeping in full tradition of this series, Prescott saves Kevin's life at the last minute. However, no one thinks to tie up the thieves so they run only to be stopped by Kevin and Family. The Family must know about Kevin at this point. Sadly, his attempts to commit murder will be watched from here on out. He'll have to become more stealthy. All I know is I feel sorry for when Marv gets out and decides to do more of the dumb stuff again.
Anyway, things work out. Kevin's parents get back together, Girlfriend gets huffy, Prescott quits, and the Royal Family of Fakeistan decides to go to Kevin's house, leaving Girlfriend... Home Alone.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Why do the rich equate having really nice stuff with having a great house? Also, why in movies are they incapable of doing background checks on employees? You'd think a maid with a son with a criminal record would be noticeable.
Late Christmas Ideas: Maybe a way to stop Straight to DVD cashgrabs from getting made?
Notable Commercials: So, ever see that Folgers commercial where the Borther and Sister are totally into each other? Like way too into each other? Yeah, here, just watch it:
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 12
Amps left: 2
Pumpkin Pie Left: All There.
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Sanity Rating: (1 being buying a smalltime crook, 10 being someone who continues a criminal plan despite the kid who foiled your plots in the past being there): 4
Monday, December 23, 2013
The Christmas Experiment 2013: Prelude
Well, here we are again. For those of you that are new to the Experiment, here goes: I'm going to watch 24 hours of Christmas stuff. I'm doing it on Christmas Eve again this year since I will admit, I liked going to the movies on Christmas Day last year. After each couple of hours, I'll post here. I got an antenna so the sparse amount of Christmas content on Christmas Eve are completely open to me. Woo there. I get to see commercials outside of Hulu and the occasional recording I could find with commercials.
This year's provisions are:
This year's provisions are:
- One (1) 12 Pack of Mountain Dew
- One (1) Marie Calender Pumpkin Pie
- Two (2) cans of Amp Energy Drink
- One (1) Wallyworld Christmas Hat
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