Probably not.
The Little Rascals Christmas Special: Hal Roach's Our Gang should never have succeeded. They took kids that couldn't act and asked them to be kids. This is an animated special made in 1979. While the voice actors sound like kids, it is so forced it's not even funny. Anyway, Spanky and Porky's mother is a maid during the depression, she orders a vacuum cleaner for her employer but they think she's getting them a train set. So, mom sells her coat, gets sick, and they try to raise money for a new coat.
It's worth pointing out that they avoid some unfortunate racial stereotypes that plagued the original shorts. For example, Stymie is the lone African American character they use in the special and while Stymie would often be the butt of every joke in the shorts, this character is just as generic as the other kids. That's the crime here. None of the kids were interchangeable in the original shorts... well... at least in a specific generation. For that matter, there are three or four moments that are just downright aggravating to watch. I mean, half the jokes are based off of kids not being able to pronounce words but hey, to each their own.
Prognosis: Forgettable but inoffensive.
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| TERRIBLE!!! |
Anyway, this is your standard Christmas special with no plot. It's just the minutia of Christmas stuff as framed with the stupidest children alive and the most annoying music. For example, the Dad is sad because he can't find the special star that his father made for him. The kids are oblivious to their father's suffering. This is the Anti-Charlie Brown Christmas. Whereas Charlie Brown is the kid that you love despite his faults, Jeffy and the kids are the kids you hate because they suck too much.
The hilarious part of the special is that the parents use the idea of Santa to police their children and Jeffy sees the spectral image of Santa everywhere. If you didn't notice, Jeffy sucks. They even use Santa to police each other. Jeffy will eventually have a nervou breakdown, kill his family, and then be sent to the asylum screaming, "Santa judged me to be naughty already! Why stop now?!?"
Dolly, the daughter of the family, tattles that Jeffy asked for a mortal sin for Christmas. Dolly then smiles about Jeffy getting scolded. Dolly gets brownie points for realizing that Jeffy is terrible. Jeffy then gets sent by the Santa in his mind to where Grandfather's ghost is in the living room. Seriously, this is the plot. I am not making this up. Grandfather Ghost then leads him to the missing star. So kids, remember, Santa will use his dark majyks to resurrect the dead for you if you believe in him. Or maybe Santa is looking to start the Zombie Apocalypse because he figures it's the one way he can kill Jeffy.
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| Seriously, everyone hates Jeffy! |
Prognosis: Like Jeffy, this special is terrible and it should feel terrible.
The Trolls and the Christmas Express: A special so obscure it doesn't even have a wiki page. A bunch of trolls scheme to ruin Christmas. The voice cast is filled with voices you'll recognize from every little animated anything ever. Seriously, just watch the thing on YouTube.
Most of the thing involves some pretty inane songs, trolls trying to mess up toys, and the elves fixing them. The trolls suck at messing up Christmas. Also, the drinking game for this should be to take a drink every time they reuse animation. Eventually the trolls decide to party hard in an attempt to keep the reindeer up all day. This is the plan that works. Or rather, it's the one that does until they use Santa's barely mentioned prior to this in the special train to save Christmas. Also, apparently elves can conjure train tracks. Seriously, all of Santa's elves are high level spellcasters. The trolls turn around the train.
The thing that saves Christmas is Deck the Halls. There's a lyric, "Troll the Ancient Yuletide Carol." Apparently hearing your name in a sing convinces you to be good. Good for them. Meanwhile, Hallmark removes the "Gay" from "Apparel" which is kinda annoying to be honest. I mean, have you ever tried to have Christmas without the gays? It just doesn't work. We make Christmas awesome. You can have Christmas without Trolls but Christmas without a gay is pretty damn unthinkable. Trust me, there's a reason the Three Wisemen gave the best gifts to Baby Jesus.
Prognosis: Cute but nothing special.
Non-Viewing Thoughts: Wonder when I'm going to make dinner tonight? I'm not hungry yet but hey, never hurts to think these things out.
Late Christmas Ideas: I could go for some Frankensense. Don't know what it necessarily is but I want it.
Notable Commercials: Apparently you're more likely to set up your Christmas Tree if you don't do drugs. I believe that. You might mistake the pine needles for syringes and you die from a sap overdose.
Holy crap. I saw a commercial for Santa Bear. I totally remember that terrible special from last year. What the hey?
I really should see Leonard Part 6 at some point. I'm a connoisseur of bad movies. Why have I yet to see this piece of crap?
Tally:
Mountain Dews left: 11
Amps left: 2
Cups of Coffee Drunk: 1
Pumpkin Pie Left: 2/3rds left.
Sanity Rating: (1 being stale holiday specials, 10 being The Star Wars Holiday Special):4
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