The Christmas Experiment 2011: Hours 5 & 6

Viewing Thoughts: Going for a bit more variety this time round.

The Oprah Winfrey Show: This year is the second part of her Favorite Things from her last year. She starts by playing a cruel joke on her audience that the previous episode was the only part of the Favorite Things then she reveals it, savoring the taste of their thank yous, the looks on their faces. Oprah loves that taste. The tears as people cry at the gifts that the might Oprah-Godhead will bestow on them. So, if you've never seen this, here's how it works. Oprah talks about how much she loves something, the audience goes insane, she gives it to them. This time around, we get things like Fudge-Stripe Cookies, iPods, Gold Laminated Boots, and, after Oprah gets driven out in a Beetle, she taunts the audience some more. She tells them she wanted to give them away but VW said no. She taunts them with her Oprah Mobile but they'll get the new 2012 Beetle instead. Little do they know Oprah is driving a 2019 Beetle, the one that runs on the souls of those that offer her their prayers.  Of course, many people in the audience go into convulsions, committ murder, offer up their first born to the Oprah.

The appeal of watching this is partially to feel avarice for everything that the audience gets. Afterall, why should that chick who blubbers like an idiot get a free iPad and a variety of teas when I'm eating a slice of Pumpkin Pie? Really, it's not like the average person who watches Oprah can afford three quarters of the stuff on the program. Worse, what happens if the new favorite thing is something that can cause you physical harm? Would people still want to buy it?

A Charlie Brown Christmas:The fact that this still gets played shows the power of the special. If I had to put my finger on it, it's because of all the Christmas Specials that have come and gone, it captures the true spirit of the season and the innocence of it all without over-complicating things. I'm watching this and then there's a commercial for A Kung-Fu Panda Christmas and I can't help but role my eyes. It might be better than Shrek the Halls but then, a hammer through my foot is better than Shrek the Halls. I've watched this every year that I've done the Christmas Experiment and it never fails to delight me. I have this huge smile going on right now and I got to say, I kinda like it.

Non-Viewing Thoughts:  I have some major dry eye going on and no eyedrops. This is more than a little annoying.

How I would React if I was in the Oprah Audience

Notable Commercials: There was this big broohah about how Oprah's show was over. So, why do I keep on seeing commercials for a new show where Oprah interviews people in their homes. Maybe she just got tired of driving into Chicago and talking to people there? Maybe she lost most of her money giving away killer bees to her guests?

Late-Christmas Ideas: A Time Machine so I can go back to when Oprah gave out some of these things and sneak in the audience. Then run before the tax man can get my name and I have to bpay absurd gift taxes for some of this crap. It's called working the system kids and you can do it when you have the power of Time Travel at your disposal. So really, I just want a small TARDIS. Nothing fancy, doesn't even need a working Chameleon Circuit.

The Tally
Mountain Dews Left: 12
Energy Drinks Left: 2
Cups of Coffee drank: 0
Pumpkin Pie Left: 5/6th of the Pie Left
Sanity Rating (1 being a sleeping Leno audience member, 10 being an Oprah Audience member): 4